Unemployment

I've never been unemployed. My first year of law school I chose to not work because I'd heard my classes and the new law student lifestyle would be very challenging. I'd heard right and by my second year I'd settled into school and found a part-time job that I kept until graduation.

After law school I worked my ass off to get a judicial clerkship in Alaska. As a newly licensed attorney, it was the best way to break into a new jurisdiction. Clerking for one year, not to mention two years (like I did), pretty much guarantees a permanent job. So I'm more than a little bit miffed that my fellow law clerks and I are facing unemployment. In fact, I only know of one law clerk who has a job lined up in September. One. That means, barring some miracle in the next three months, as many as 30 young lawyers will go from a clerkship to unemployed.

Then, today, I read this article in the Wall Street Journal. It basically says that the ABA is responding to pressure to release more accurate numbers regarding employment rates for 2010 graduates. Things are looking grim. Approximately 8% of graduates get Big Law jobs. Roughly 50% get jobs at all. Only the Top 14 schools can guarantee jobs for their graduates (around 90% employed). The rest of us are screwed.

I had a first and second job interview over the past three weeks, then silence. I have another *potential* interview that keeps being pushed back for bureaucratic reasons. That's frustrating, but it's my top choice job and at least it's a prospective job (so many people have no prospects at all), so I'll be patient. It's very possible I won't find myself unemployed. I might get an offer next month or in August. Who knows? But at this moment in time I have nothing lined up and the end is nye.

Today I went to yoga on my lunch break with this topic weighing heavily on my mind. Now, most of the time I just tune out yoga instructors when the talk and I focus on the physical aspects of my practice: active stretching, balance, strength. Today I was excited to stretch out my hips after cycling and lifting weights this weekend. But today I got something out of the yogi BS: one can have purpose in stillness.

Stillness. Not moving. Not producing. Like not working.

It occurred to me that, while I fear unemployment and wish to avoid it, if it becomes unavoidable I can find purpose in it. I can use the time forced upon me to create something more. So, of course, I made a mental list while I was going through my poses. It kept me centered and, most importantly, warded off tears or a panic attack in a public place.

So, if I don't have a job lined up by the end of August, I will focus on the following aspects of unemployment:

Not enough money:
1. Apply for unemployment (roughly $200/week in Alaska).
2. Defer my student loans.
3. Enroll in my gym's financial hardship program- we are locked into our gym membership for a year, but they offer to waive your monthly fee for 3 months (I think) if you lose your job
4. Ride my bike everywhere possible (to save on gas)
5. Sign up with temp agencies

Too much time:
1. Work out a lot, every day- I will have a gym membership with great classes during the day. I may as well use this extra time to get into great shape and burn off nervous energy associated with not having a job.
2. Study French, and maybe German, every day. Maybe even find a conversation partner for free conversation practice
3. Cook all of our food, freeze and preserve what we can't eat right away so it isn't wasted, and go fishing to stock the freezer
4. Keep the house really clean and organized

Finding a job:
1. Go to every networking opportunity to continue making connections and keep an ear to the ground about potential jobs
2. Write another law review article to keep my name out there
3.  Read law review articles and generally keep up with things
4. Study my ass off for the Foreign Service exams


Basically I'm going to channel my fear and anxiety into productivity. This isn't a great turn of events, but it is what it is and I'm going to make the best of it as long as I can. At a certain point Leigh and I will have to make some serious choices, but until then this will keep us going for a few months. 


With that, I'm going to channel my current anxiety into the work that I have to do today. 

Outdoor Update

This winter was a tough winter for everyone and everything, including our lawn and plants. So far this summer we've put A LOT of effort into restoring our yard to it's former glory. When the snow melted we decided to sign up for a year's worth of lawn cleaning service. This means every Wednesday while we are at work the dog poop fairy comes and cleans up our lawn. After a few weekends of buying plants, potting soil, etc and many hours potting and arranging plants, we had a pretty decent looking back yard. 

The grass has even filled in quite a bit since I took this picture a few weeks ago. Everyone was enjoying the yard, especially Cannelle. She now spends many hours basking in the sunshine, sniffing the flowers, and chasing toys in her clean, pretty yard. 

Then, one evening last week, Cannelle decided that she hates the new yard and did this.

Actually, what happened was I moved a cinder block that was in that spot to keep Cannelle and her little puppy friend from digging under the porch. Thinking Cannelle's digging days were over, I moved the block for use elsewhere. The very next day I find she's excavated the area so that she can get her giant puppy self under the porch for further exploration. Yes, that is a PILE of dirt pushed up against our gate. All I could do is rake the dirt back under the porch and replace the cinder block. So much for regrowing the grass in that area.

Emily, repeat after me: I love my puppy, I love my puppy, I love my puppy.....

A "Down" Tuesday

Yesterday I was going nuts, mind racing, thinking about job options and life options. Today I just feel like a loser. This year has simply not turned out as great as I'd hoped it would. Last summer my goals for the following 12 months were as follows:
1. Be an awesome law clerk for a judge with a civil docket
2. Write a law review article for publication
3. Lose weight/achieve my goal weight/reduce body fat to 25ish%
4. Have a job offer in hand by May or June.
5. Travel to Europe or Southeast Asia either with Leigh or solo, whatever worked out best for us.
6. Complete a few long-distance bike rides (200-400 km).

This is what actually happened:
1. This was not easy, but I did my best to serve my judge well and I think I learned a lot, probably even more than I realize now.
2. This one I actually did accomplish. I wrote an article that was published in this month's issue of the Alaska Law Review. So far it's been well-received and serves it's purpose as a writing sample for job applications.
3. I gained weight. Actually, I was really healthy all last summer. Then I went home for Christmas. Since Christmas I've gained 10 pounds. TEN! Today I have a doctor's appointment where I will be weighed, lectured on my weight, blood drawn, and then billed for the privilege. My doctor is an ass and fails to give pertinent advice, but write prescriptions and lectures me to give up wine completely and eat fewer calories (as in, 1,000 or less per day- seriously?!).
4. I don't have a job offer. I've had two interviews with the same place so far. I really want the job. I was supposed to hear back last Friday and didn't, so I emailed the decision-maker and got a nice note back. The good news is the decision-maker still seems interested in me. The bad news is they're interviewing more people for the position... more competition. I have one other job lead, but no interview thus far. My friends have one or no job leads. This isn't looking good. I might work as a barista next year....
5. My Europe trip was thwarted when the airline didn't have space for mileage plan members to take a seat using airmiles. So I went to Hawaii instead (alone). I really, really needed a vacation. It could have been worse. Now that Leigh is pregnant we can't really plan a big trip, plus it would be foolish to spend a lot on a big trip when we're expecting a baby. So we're going to Las Vegas instead. Hopefully we'll get to take a big trip in about 2 years, when the baby is old enough to travel with us comfortably.
6. This past Sunday I completed my very first bike ride with the Alaska Randonneurs, but it was only 100 km and it nearly killed me. I'm planning to do another one next month to see if I am getting into better shape.

This feels pretty dire, but then I have to remind myself of what I've also accomplished:
1. We bought a house, a cute one, in a nice neighborhood.
2. We adopted a puppy, whom we love oh so much.
3. Leigh is pregnant, so we're starting a family. This is super exciting and might just make up for all my other failures... maybe...

So yeah, not quite an epic fail, but pretty close. With any amount of restraint and perseverance I'll trim back down. With any luck I'll get a job offer before my clerkship ends (to avoid a period of unemployment). And Leigh promises me that more travels and adventures are in our future...

But I still have to go to the doctor today :-(

It's one of those Mondays...

... when I feel all restless and can't think straight. This is probably because I'm up for an awesome job that will 1) teach me stuff I want to know 2) pay my bills and 3) make my wife happy. I was supposed to hear something about this last Friday, but of course I didn't hear anything so now I'm assuming I didn't get the job when there are other perfectly legitimate reasons why I haven't heard back (or maybe I just didn't get the job).

So this morning (it's just now 11am), I've decided it's really in my best interest to pack up my little family and run away to Southeast Asia. Why, you ask? Because it's hot there, the food is awesome, and it's a cheap place to live.

Oh, wait, you meant why pack up and move at all? Because that is my first instinct when I feel like things aren't working out someplace. I get this urge to make a plan, however half-baked, and dive in head first to start my life over again. I get scared and I funnel that fear into a new adventure. That's how I wound up in France, and later in Alaska. It works for me, or at least it did until I bought a house and Leigh got an awesome job with health benefits. That's hard to give up, especially now that we're having a baby.

At any rate, were I to do this running away thing it would consist of the following:

1. Sell EVERYTHING I own.
2. Put my house up for rent (the $300/month extra we make on the rental would cover rent on a place in the mountains of Thailand or in a coastal town in Vietnam). 
3. Save up some money (enough to get by for a few months)
4. See if Leigh can keep her job from abroad (hey, stranger things have happened!)
5. Buy an awesome camera
6. Buy plane tickets
7. Arrange to ship puppy and kitty to wherever 
8. Board plane
9. Go!
10. Eat lots of noodles
11. Get a job teaching English or something
12. Rethink the genius of this decision in about a year when I have no savings, we miss our families, and I realize that it might be nice to have a real job, at least for a little while, by the time I'm 30. 

I've also decided that I need to do the following:

• Visit the Netherlands again, this time in the summer, and also make time to visit Maastricht to see where my people come from.
• Travel to Japan, even if it's just for a little while. That place is crazy expensive, but with such a rich and different culture, it'll be like visiting another planet, and therefore, a bargain.
• Make time to visit New York. I only lived there for 3 1/2 months in law school but I really loved the energy of the place, the sense of unending possibility, the food, the access to the outside world. Even after a semester of working my ass off, socializing, and exploring, there's still so much I missed. Leigh's brother lives there now, so we have a valid excuse to visit and when we do, I'll arrive with a list in hand of stuff I should have done but never thought to (like visiting a few "literary bars"). 
• Spend our first Baby-cation in Mexico, at a beach near Puerto Vallarta. Leigh and I loved the Yucatan, but it's just too far from Alaska. The PV area is about 8-10 hours from Anchorage by air, and there are a few funky, artsy surfer towns nearby where we can chill out on the beach with Baby, take surf lessons, and drink Mexican beer. Leigh says we can start taking "real trips" with Baby when s/he is a year. The first "real trip" will be a Christmas trip to the East Coast to meet the grandparents and other relatives. After that I'm free to plan Baby-ventures for our little family.

Now I'm trying to refocus, reminding myself that it's still really early and maybe the decision-maker on this job opening is just really swamped. Even if I don't get the job there are always other options... actually the job market totally sucks right now so if I don't get this job I'll probably unemployed for at least 4-6 weeks this fall... Breath in, breath out....

In the meantime I can think about things like the awesome bike ride I did yesterday: 100 km (62 miles) around the city of Anchorage. I did the ride by myself as part of an organized ride, but about 1/3 of the way through I hooked up with another rider (we got a little turned around at the same time), then later 3 more riders, and then 2 more riders. Soon enough there were 7 of us navigating the city together and encouraging each other. I really needed the encouragement, especially after mile 45 or so. 

Also, our trip to Las Vegas in August. I'm so excited to feel the heat of the sun, sit by the pool, and drive out into the desert. This trip will also involve an amazing day hike, a few nights out on the town, and lots of great food. So excited. I keep researching good deals in Vegas, shows, fun ways to spend our time that doesn't involve strip clubs or gambling. Even though I tend to plan vacations that are more like adventures, Vegas really does have something for everyone and is a great getaway destination. It'll be perfect for me and a pregnant lady to unwind before Baby comes along.

A Saturday Out: Anchorage Pride and Such

Leigh and I tend to spend our weekends getting things done around the house: cleaning, gardening, errands, cooking, etc. But somehow this weekend turned into a BIG weekend of doing other stuff.

Saturday was Anchorage Pride, so there was a parade and a festival from noonish until early evening. We definitely wanted to go to that. We wanted to check out our neighborhood farmers market on Saturday too. Also, Leigh bought a Groupon for half off tickets to a comedy improv show. The deal was about to expire, so we had to go to the show on Saturday evening.

So Saturday morning we got up, walked the dog (to get out some initial energy before taking her in public) and went in search of breakfast... only to find that our neighborhood bagel place became a Tibetan place overnight. WTF??? So no breakfast there. The adjacent coffee shops were absolutely teeming with people, so no breakfast there either. We finally settled on Chinese dumpling style pastries and homemade bubble teas at nearby Charlie's Bakery.Then we went to the market, but left Cannelle in the car to avoid any puppy carnage.

The market had no produce. None. Not a single damn zucchini. I know we had a hard winter and a late spring and my plants are just now showing signs of life, but seriously farmers?!?! How are we supposed to enjoy summer without some decent (non-Fred Meyer's) produce? Ugh. The stop was salvaged with a cup of French press coffee and some homemade dog treats from Beetniks' Coffee of Wassilla (so far the only thing about Wassilla that makes me inclined to drive out to the Valley).

With some time to kill, Leigh and I headed over to the Habitat ReStore. That place is one big project inspiration and made me wish I had more DIY skills. We found a 12-volt light fixture that will look really cool over our kitchen sink. I have no idea if we'll be able to install it ourselves, but it was only $5 and will look great if we can figure it out.

By this time it was 1pm and we were ready to face a festival of people with our crazy dog. We parked at Leigh's work garage and started walking, only to find that Cannelle had gone completely insane from a lack of time spent among people and other dogs. Knowing this is our fault for being bad puppy moms, we pushed through it, keeping her close to us and away from too tight of crowds, people's food, etc.

Cannelle said hello to a bunch of dogs, got the lay of the land and eventually calmed down. Leigh was hungry, so I settled down on the grass with Cannelle near the stage to listen to [really terrible] music while she looked for lunch. Leigh came back with a hamburger (for me, I guess) and a hot dog (for herself) and arms full of bottled water for all three of us. Meanwhile Cannelle was busy being doted on by a toddler and I was talking to the toddler's mom.

Behind me, Leigh decides the best way to settle in next to us is to first put down my hamburger and the drinks. At that moment, Cannelle's sixth sense of unguarded food kicked in, she barreled over me and, about 3 seconds later, devoured my hamburger! The ENTIRE hamburger! No amount of restraints or commands could stop her, and soon my $7 festival lunch was in my dog's stomach.

Cannelle was thus dubbed "The Hamburgler."

Eventually we all got something to eat and decided this festival was for the birds, just as Cannelle started to behave herself (of course). We walked back to the car and headed home after a long day. Cannelle went to bed early after her big day out. Around 7pm we used a groupon for a neat little Thai place just down from our neighborhood, then went downtown for the Scared Scriptless improve show. I didn't expect much from this little community theater group, but it was actually extremely funny and well done. One of the troupe members is even a former law clerk, so it was really cool to see a local attorney using his free time to do something like that. The show ended around 9:30 and Leigh and I dragged ourselves back home with the sun still high in the sky.

On Sunday morning I rolled over around 8:30 and went downstairs to check on Cannelle, who was still fast asleep (she usually has us up for a potty break and breakfast by 7 everyday!). Saturday must have completely worn her out because she was sleepy and snuggly all day long, as were Leigh and I. It took an act of God (meaning a sudden need for a hamburger) to get us out of the house and to the grocery store. We had a late lunch/early dinner grilling out on the back porch while fending off mosquitoes (I really need to find a trick to keep those nasty things from feeding on us!).

In all it was a great weekend for the whole family. Even Juneau Cat played in the yard and did some prenatal yoga with us on Sunday night before bed. The bad news is that the house is an utter mess, the garden hasn't been mowed or weeded, and we have no food prepared for the week, so these tasks will have to be done throughout the week. Oh well, Alaskan summers are made for long fun days and housework can wait till the long dark winters, right?

Introducing Our First Child

In February Leigh told me she was really ready to try getting pregnant. We've talked about this for years, but always had a reason to wait. But when someone feels ready (and there's no obvious reason it's a bad idea), they're just ready. So we did the research, found an anonymous donor through a reputable cryo bank, and inseminated in March. Leigh tested pregnant a few days later!

She's 12 weeks pregnant now, so the highest risk weeks are over. Until now we've just told a handful of friends and our immediate family. Now that we're pretty much in the clear, we can celebrate this wonderful event with the world!

On Friday we had our 12-week OB appointment and got to see the baby again (the doctor had a hard time finding the heartbeat with the sonogram). The picture here is from our 8-week visit when Baby looked like a lima bean, but now Baby looks like a real live BABY! Baby even jumped a couple of times for us and we got to see it on the ultrasound. The doctor says Baby probably had the hiccups. I've seen and done a lot of really cool things in my life so far, but seeing that 2 1/2 inch long, 1 oz baby move on the screen in real time was easily the coolest and most exciting thing I've ever seen. I wish I'd gotten a picture, but oh well. We'll get a 3-D image at 20 weeks when we learn the sex.

I won't blog about Baby too terribly much because I'm keeping a tumblr about our experience getting pregnant and the pregnancy experience itself. But I wanted to share the good news, just in case anyone reads this who isn't also on my Facebook list.

Today was an awesome day because we celebrated gay Pride at the Park Strip in Anchorage. We took Cannelle the puppy with us, where she enjoyed attention from adults and small children alike. It was really fun to see the spectacle, even though Anchorage Pride is really small and the music was, well, terrible. Anyway, the whole time I was thinking about how next year we'll take Cannelle and our 6-month old to Pride.

Life is about to change in every way, forever, and I couldn't be happier.

Life Update

I am, officially, the worst blogger of all time. I don't even write anything anymore, probably because I think my daily life is pretty dull. The truth is, it could be duller. So here's an attempt to catch the blog up a bit.

Alaska:
It's FINALLY summer time here. Thank God! We've been enjoying off and on glorious sunny and almost warm weather for about two weeks now, with intermittent rainy days. I don't even mind the rainy days because our flowers and grass need it and in between the weather is so nice. The sun doesn't set until about 11 PM. Last night I went to bed at 10:45 and it looked like mid-afternoon outside! Crazy!

Work:
Things at work are much more tolerable than they were all year. My boss is generally polite to me, even though I am fairly certain he doesn't think a whole lot of my abilities. The support staff is friendlier these days too. I think part of this is that I've learned when to chime in and when to keep my mouth shut and they've learned that my reserved nature and straightforward speaking style is nothing personal. OK, that last sentence makes me sound like I'm a nightmare to work with. The truth is that I genuinely like most people and I'm not unfriendly, but in the words of a good friend, "nobody ever wonders what [I'm] thinking."

There's FINALLY been a little bit of movement in the job search. I had a first interview last Thursday and will have a second interview this Friday. Also, I'm told I should be getting invitations to interview with two other places soon, but the overall timing might be a little tight to have all my options (or lack of options) presented at once. The next few weeks will definitely be stressful and may present more questions than answers, but I am trying to navigate this process with some grace and professionalism (and with a LOT of Leigh's input). With any luck I'll know what I'm doing in the fall within the next few weeks...... eek!


Family:
This is a tough topic because mostly things are great with the family, but there's also been some new stress. Apparently my [crazy] mother has been terrorizing my [very emotional] grandmother to the point that my grandmother had her attorney send my mother a cease and desist letter. Not fun. And I've recently learned that my mother regularly stands outside of Planned Parenthood locations holding a 5 ft tall cross while heckling women going into the health center for various services. Please note that Planned Parenthood provides a lot of different health services. Anyway, I haven't spoken to my mother in almost a year (long story) and she hasn't been a part of my life for about five years now, but realizing that someone that closely related to me is one of those insane, religious zealots practicing acts of domestic terrorism was a hard pill to swallow. Actually, it was downright heartbreaking. Then I realized why my grandmother cries so often when these things happen. It must be devastating to see your child grow into someone you don't even recognize.

But things are still really good with my dad, other family members, Leigh's family, etc. I anticipate we'll have more happy news in the coming years than sad news like this.


Summer Activities:
I've been biking to work for about a month now. It's great. For some reason forcing myself to exercise a little bit two per day, and being outside enjoying fresh air before work, makes a HUGE difference in my mood and general feeling of good health. I haven't lost any weight, in fact I've gained a few pounds since this time last year (I love food, what can I say?), but I can tell my body appreciates the regular activity.

Leigh and I have spent a lot of time (and money) the past few weekends getting our back yard into shape. After having a service do a post-winter lawn clean up we started planning our beautification project. We planted rose bushes on either end of the bed where we planted tulips in the fall and planted flower arrangements in pots and whiskey barrels for the porch. Then we planted a series of tomato plants and other veggies, plus several herbs, in the greenhouse.

It looks really beautiful so far, but the real challenge has been keeping Cannelle out of the potted plants! So far she's ripped up a pot of flowers (which we replanted and barricaded with pest control mesh and mini border fencing, and tore out the catnip plant we potted for Juneau Cat. Ugh! tonight I'm going to take additional measures with the pest control mesh in hopes of keeping that 70 pound pest out of my flowers!

Annnnddddd.... we made vacation plans for August! VEGAS BABY! OK, OK, I know I'm probably the last person you'd imagine using my time off to go to Las Vegas, but we needed a vacation, somewhere warm that wouldn't take more than 8 hours to fly to, and somewhere that we can have fun without spending too much. So we picked Las Vegas (7 hour flight) and we're staying in a casino during the week (so the room is 1/3 the price of the weekend rate). We're really looking forward to a chance to totally unwind, lay by the hotel pool, eat good food and do some shopping. Plus we're renting a car for two days to do a day hike in Zion National Park, so we don't spend ALL our time in the lap of luxury in a giant grown-up theme park.