Feeling Really Down, Then A Little Better

The title of this post really sums up the past few days. My stress levels were increasing steadily but I was in denial about it. Then I started to notice that everybody, yes everybody, was starting to piss me off.

It became an internal dialogue much like this:

"Why doesn't anybody understand how difficult this process is for me?"

"Are people really so oblivious that they cannot comprehend the magnitude of the next few weeks?"

"Seriously, it's time for everyone to just leave me alone and respect my need for space, quiet, and focus."

"I am now starting to see how lawyers become so elitist. You do something really hard like going to law school and passing the bar exam and, along the way, you find that the only other people who properly understand and respect the difficulty of your undertakings are other lawyers and professionals. No wonder we think we are Gods and no wonder we tend to only befriend other stuck up professionals."

OK, I'm really not proud of the last one, but that is the point at which I started to realize that taking action to relieve my stress would be far more beneficial to, well, everyone than continuing to be pissed off in my head. For the record, I do realize that all of those angry, mean thoughts were extremely self-centered and were doing absolutely nothing to help me achieve success in my current struggle/task.

So right after reaching a certain tipping point today at which I was unbelievably pissed off and feeling defeated, I decided to use some unwanted free time (the UAA shuttle decided not to run for a full hour during midday when I needed it most) I ran an errand in the car that later helped me to focus on my studies. This means I went back to the house and packed my lunch...haha!

I honestly believe this was a turning point for my attitude. By getting something small done in what would otherwise have been lost study time, I then had the necessary propulsion to get a LOT of work/errands done today including:

1) running an errand resulting in an $80

2) completing my homework for class tonight

3) reviewing notes from last week and outlining notes from last night

4) successfully requesting a local BarBri teacher to agree to review some additional practice essays following my not-so-great "graded" essay last week (2 out of 5, with 3 being passing; it was difficult moment in my life).

5) I also made the unambiguous decision that my days will simply have to get started earlier due to transit issues. When I wake up at my leisure I usually don't start studying until nearly noon. Then if I have errands I lose another hour or so of study time. If I get up around 7am I'll be at the library with my nose in the books by 10am at latest, which leaves tons of time for more practice questions (which I am told are the holy grail to passing the Bar Exam).

Enough exam talk, on to more fun notes:

I've decided it's time to pick a day for Denali so I have something to look forward to. This will be an entire day of fun without any studying. I'm thinking one of the days immediately following the class ending. I'll drive up in the early morning, do some hiking/touring/etc and come back late at night. The next day I'll hit the books again.

Another fun thing I just learned about tonight from a classmate is that a local woman teaches fly fishing by appointment. Not sure how much her lessons cost, but this might be a really fun way to spend a day relaxing and learning something new. Besides, I need to learn to fish if I'm going to move up here, right? That makes it a valuable skill, perhaps even a business networking skill ; )