Honestly, I'm getting really freaked out. Aside from language barriers and the unknown, money is becoming a big issue due to my many plans, hopes and dreams. In spite of having saved up all summer and worked my ass off during August to build my savings after spending most of my summer studying for the bar exam, I'm still not completely confident that I won't find myself running low on cash for essential moving expenses like security deposits on apartments and such. I may have been a bit overly optimistic in my abilities to live off of next to nothing based on my tendencies to not care about buying a lot of stuff and my ability to take really amazing trips on shoestring budgets.
I realized today that going away for a week or two on a shoestring budget is very different from relocating abroad on a similar budget. Also, When I took said amazing trips I always had a fair amount of available credit in case of emergencies and knew if things went terribly wrong I could always just camp out in my hostel or whatever until I could get back home. On the other hand, when I move to France I will live in France and I'd damn well better be able to pay my bills, feed myself, and make the most of my time there.
Sure I could always cancel my trip to Italy. One of my dreams would die, Leigh would be crushed, and I'd be skipping one of the primary purposes of taking this crazy job in the first place! Would that really be worth it in the end? I think not. Besides, I must constantly remind myself that I have been preparing for the worst (i.e. most expensive) case scenario, but that is not necessarily going to be the reality. I could very well find myself with a small nest egg of savings after all is said and done and feel very silly that I did so much worrying.
So for the moment I'm trying to scheme ways to make my dollars stretch unnatural lengths for the next two weeks but also buy the things I need to stock up on before I hop the pond. I also need to use this time to get organized and send out applications for jobs for NEXT year, which is also going to cost money. Add to that a lovely list of little extra expenses that keep popping up and you have a very unhappy Emily. It's just been one of those days.
Referring to the above-mentioned language barriers, I have not been studying my French much at all. Am I a glutton for punishment? Do I subconsciously want to have extreme culture shock upon arrival and appear a fool to my superiors at the lycee? I certainly hope not, and I hope even more that I get out of this funk sooner rather than later so avoid further problems and unpleasant surprises.
Now is the part where I pledge to make tomorrow a new day. I will wake up refreshed in the morning and will spend my day at the library and the law school getting shit done. That's the plan. Now I'm just going to spend the rest of my evening trying to adjust my own attitude.
*sigh* latent adolescent moments, how I loathe thee.
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