On "For Now" Plans

I'm kind of amazed at how quickly my blogging has gone from frantic and filled with stories to wondering to myself if I'll ever have anything to write about again. Since coming back to the US my daily life has come to such a standstill that I find my mind wandering back to Europe several times per day. When I bring my thoughts back to reality I just get really sad and lonely feeling, in spite of now being in the presence of my Leigh and my family. So the subsequent and final emotion I am left with is guilt for not fully appreciating my family now that I have them back in my daily life.

This repatriation thing is really challenging, both logistically and on an emotional level. I know how lucky I am to have so many great opportunities in my young adult life, but that good fortune doesn't mean that I don't also mourn leaving the people and places I took such joy in knowing this year. The past few days all I can think about is how much I wish I could find a piece of Earth in which to grow my roots. Corny? Yes. True? Also yes. I have traveled a great portion of the world and have found a number of places I would be happy to call home for all the most typical reasons, but have yet to find a more soulful reason to stay anywhere. So for now my plans remain the same- Alaska for a few years, keep learning, keep growing, keep casting a wide net. Leigh and I are seriously talking about relocating to Germany, Switzerland, the Netherlands, etc after we tie up some loose ends in the US and after I get some experience under my belt as an attorney.

So today, after nearly a year of wandering the world, I am still making my plans in the "For Now" category of plans. Maybe it's a sign of growing up that I want to grow roots somewhere, but it's also very difficult to have that want without a clear direction or reason to choose any particular place. Clearly the place would have to be conducive to work and happiness for both Leigh and I, but that can be many places. What it really must have is a good community and people who would miss us if we were to leave once again, so life friendships that equal to family and a daily life that makes us/me feel whole. All I know is that I was happier in Europe than I have ever been in my life. The place speaks to some of my most core desires like language, culture, ease of travel, diversity of people, excellent educational system, and general sense of acceptance of different types of people. Plus living in Europe would mean we could visit Taize regularly, which is good for the soul, and raise our kids with options we never had and that I always wanted.

But this won't happen for some years and I can't plan to return even for a visit for nearly 18 months, so back to the present For Now: Leigh and I have chosen next Monday, May 24 to start driving west toward Seattle for our summer jobs. This is very exciting, though I'm afraid the drive won't be too thrilling as we're taking the most direct route to Missoula, MT to visit my friend Jescy. This means we're driving through a lot of Fly Over States (WV, Ohio, Iowa, etc) before getting to the Wild Wild West. At any rate, I'm ready to be occupied and ready for new challenges. I hope that the busier I am the easier it will be for me to remember the past year in happy ways only rather than being sad it has ended.