Celebrity Crushes

Normally I think it's really stupid to be hung up on a celebrity. Yes, they're technically real people but they are rarely a part of a person's life in a way that anything could happen. Plus it's kind of unfair to lust after a person while they're trying to earn a living. However, even I am not immune to this phenomenon from time to time...

Leigh started watching a new BBC show called Lip Service. It's about a small group of lesbians (only 3 main characters rather than the L Word which kept adding characters), two of their guy friends and there's a pretty heavy back story. The writing is really good, the story goes at a good pace throughout the first season and the characters are very, very relatable. I think that's my favorite part. The L Word sucked because every character was a type of person that is rare to find in any social circle (the high end art curator, the professional athlete, the writer, etc) and by the end of the show they were all rich and famous and friends with celebrities. It's pretty ridiculous. Lip Service is about really normal people with normal flaws and each character is written so that they each remind us of someone we've met or know well. So the show is very relatable.

Anyway, one character in particular has stuck with me: Sam, played by Heather Peace. Sam is a cop, smart but quiet, secure, friendly and has a subtle sense of humor. She reminds me of Leigh in a lot of ways, including how she looks. The actress is gorgeous, of course, and shares enough features with my lovely Leigh that they could be first cousins or sisters.

Luckily Leigh is pretty OK with my new-found obsession. She is pretty sure I'm not going to hop a plane to the UK, seek out Ms. Peace, steal her away from her girlfriend (yes, she's involved), and try to win her heart. I get the sense that Leigh is equal parts flattered and jealous. Flattered because at least my celebrity crush has a lot of similarities with her, so I'm not deviating from my "type" in any alarming way.

Jealous because, as an actress, Heather Peace is hot in a way that no mere mortal should ever strive to be. It's just cruel to compare yourself to someone who is genetically destined to be hotter than the rest of us throughout their lives. I understand this too, because Leigh manages to develop celebrity crushes on many a female character on television who is short, pushy, smart, ambitious, and a little bit mean.

With this description in mind, I can only assume the following ladies might be possible distractions for my Leigh:

Stephanie March as a no-nonsense lawyer

Liz Weil as Paris Geller: a pain-in-the-ass but brilliant student at Yale

Laura Fraser, who is 5'2", particularly as Cat on Lip Service. Cat is a neurotic and dorky, but lovable, architect. This one is my favorite (see below)...

...because the Lip Service production team saw the same perfection in the tall, dark, quiet and smoldering meets short, talkative, and neurotic relationship combination. Is this art imitating life? I think so. You're welcome BBC3, you're welcome....

I know that I will never be as good looking as the celebrities who capture the heart of my Leigh. I can certainly try to be as hot as my genetics will allow, but eventually reality will put a stop to my efforts. But the bottom line is that Leigh doesn't really stray from her "type" either, which is kind of nice.... even though her "type" includes some not-so-flattering personality traits... So should I take this as a compliment or a judgment on my character?

Post Turkey Day Thoughts

Our first Alaskan Thanksgiving was a success, as far as I'm concerned. Leigh and cooked at home for ourselves, just the two of us. This required us to get out of bed on a holiday at a reasonable hour. Gasp! Anyway, we made everything ourselves including a 6 lb turkey breast with stuffing, side veggies, homemade whole grain mac'n'cheese, rolls, mashed potatoes, etc. I made a chocolate eclaire cake for our dessert (Leigh's mother's recipe), which was delicious. We ate around 2pm then met a work friend for our second viewing of Harry Potter, followed by more eating and digestion in front of the TV. In all it was a fun day of food and low key entertainment.

Today I had to go into work...boo! I really miss school holidays. Now, I'm not just saying "I miss school holidays" because I remember them being nice, what I mean is I'll often get a very intense sense of sadness and then realize it's because I should be having a school holiday coming up but it's actually only one day off mid-week followed by more of my daily grind. This is proving very difficult to get used to. But at least I have a massive portion of leftover mac'n'cheese for my lunch.

Now that I'm settled into work, routine, and home here in Anchorage, there are a few things I've been realizing I need:
- a good dentist. I have insurance now and would love a cleaning
- a winter sport (maybe skiing or ice skating?)
- non-work friends. My co-workers are very nice but we dont' relaly hang out and I'd love a life away from my job. I think Leigh seconds this motion.
- gay friends. I really took this for granted in previous places where I've lived. Sometimes the gay community can be really toxic, but overall it's nice to know people with whom I have some basic things in common.
- more short term goals/things to look forward to. Right now the most exciting thing I have to look forward to isn't until April (Hawaii trip). That's a long time to wait for something....

OK, that's all. Back to work and then le weekend!!!

ugh!

Remember yesterday when I was so chipper?

Moment has passed. I hate this day. This day can end any moment now....

Wet & Rainy

Hello all! (I mean, the two or three of you who sometimes stumble upon my blog...)

I'm in a good mood today in a rare way. I have no idea why! There's certainly plenty of work to be done, I got to work really late due to frozen streets (so I waited to leave home until the air temp rose a bit and the rain hit puddles upon impact instead of turning to more ice), likely won't get tons done today because I have some odd scheduling things happening, doubtful I'll get a workout because of my late start, and I'm fairly certain my immune system is trying to ward off a nasty winter ailment. Normally I would find a day like today very, very annoying but for some reason I'm feeling downright chipper. Awesome! I suspect it may have to do with my having a yummy breakfast of Nutella toast and orange spice tea in lieu of my recent trend to oversleep and thereby forfeit my breakfast time.... hhmm...

Anyway, this is a rather short week because of the holiday, which is nice, but the weather has been pretty testing with ice everywhere making for stressful commutes. Leigh and I are planning to cook a small traditional dinner on Thursday, nothing fancy but enough for making leftover sandwiches in the following days. We're also going to take in our second viewing of the new Harry Potter movie (which is awesome, by the way, really leaves nothing out and the performances are top notch). Friday it's back to work as usual then four weeks of normal work until Christmas...ugh! It's this grueling schedule (yeah, I know, most lawyers work twice as many hours as I do) that makes me miss France an awful lot..... Oh well, c'est la vie americaine....

Leigh and I have been talking more about taking a trip to Asia after my clerkship. For a while I thought I'd run off to Europe for a few months, but it just isn't practical because Leigh has to start her coursework around the same time. It seems to make more sense to go to SE Asia for about 4 weeks, hit the highlights of Vietnam and Thailand then come home and get back to work. It's this kind of responsible thinking that makes me realize that the party is over and I really am a grown-up now! Bummer! Good news is I'm devising a plan to only have to be a real grownup for about 5 years or so, after which I should have the professional and financial freedom to take sabbatical/relax a bit or do something alternative with my career so I can continue to have a life and really reap the benefits of my hard work.

Well, enough dreaming for today. I really do have a lot to finish up this week! Happy Thanksgiving!

House Hunters International

My new obsession is a show on HGTV called House Hunters International. Basically the show follows people as they look at properties abroad. The people have various budgets and goals, they see a series of properties (the show includes three of the properties) and then the people choose one to buy. The show even follows up on the people after they've settled in. I love it. It records on my DVR every day (the show is on all the time) and I will sit and watch a few episodes in a row most days to get my travel/real estate fix. Leigh is usually pretty annoyed when I'm watching this because she knows, if left to my own devices, I will sit and watch this show all day long.

Lately the show has been featuring a lot of warm places like Costa Rica and Carribean islands. The Costa Rica shows have reminded me how much I loved it there and now I'm promising to take Leigh on vacation to CR sometime in the next few years. She'd love the scenery, beaches, whitewater rafting and hiking around the volcanoes. But last night there was an episode about a gay couple buying a house in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico. In 2006 Leigh and I took our first trip abroad together to Merida and then spent a few days on the Gulf Coast in Progreso, Mexico. It was a really fun trip. We knew Mexico was an affordable vacation spot for Americans, but until last night we didn't realize how affordable. The couple on the show bought an amazing large home with a gorgeous pool for just over $200,000 US. Needless to say this got us thinking...

Before being reminded of how great a time we had in Merida, we were talking about one day owning a beach house in South or Central America or maybe even buying an old stone house in Greece and fixing it up. Leigh wasnt' too thrilled about the Greece idea, but I thought it sounded really fun!

Anyway, now we've both agreed that our vacation home will be in Merida. For $150,000-$200,000 we can own a spacious 2 or 3 bedroom home with a courtyard, fountain and pool in a lovely colonial neighborhood, near markets and restaurants. It's an amazing city with old colonial homes and buildings, it's incredibly safe and not overcrowded at all. The city is home to universities, ex-pats, and traditional families. It's also known for the direct, white sunlight it receives year round and is only 35 minutes from the Gulf Coast and about 3 hours from the Carribean Coast. Merida is in the heart of the Puuc Route, a driving route that allows one to visit a series of Mayan Ruins. Basically, it's a safe, fun, cheap city near beautiful beaches. What more could we want?!


But dont' think for a second I've ruled out Europe. I still want to study International Business Management in France. I'd love to own an apartment in Berlin. It's an interesting city with lots of history, a great cultural scene complete with operas, art galleries, etc, home to Humboldt University, and many multinational companies and firms are now based out of Berlin. Anyway, if I happened to one day have a job that takes me to Berlin it would be a great place to own an apartment. Right now a very nice one or two bedroom apartment can be purchased in the heart of Berlin for under $100,000 US. If willing to live a bit outside the city or get a simpler place, apartments are sold in the city for as little as $55,000 US! This is unheard of in Europe!


Of course, I'll always be an American, so it's very likely my work will be in the US and I'll continue to travel often. So buying property in whatever city I lay down roots is of course an option too. However, if given half a chance I'd like for us to have a warm weather place in Merida, where we can drive to Mayan ruins and beaches for a little day journey, and a European apartment to immerse ourselves in the cultures we have come to really appreciate.

But for now, I have to get my career started from the bottom to have any hope of such dreams becoming reality. So back to work!

Why do I always feel broke?

Without a doubt, I have a higher income now than ever before in my life. Plus Leigh and I have finally started pooling all of our money, so our annual income went from almost $0 last year (I earned some euros in France but promptly spent it all on traveling, food, wine, and rent) to more than $50,000 together (I'm not going to say how much more than that for privacy issues and because the actual amount is a little bit fuzzy since Leigh works as a temp right now and might be doing something else sooonish). But then you must consider that we're both paying student loans now, ouch! Plus we have higher bills here in Alaska than ever before, double ouch! And since we're now working adults we find ourselves wanting to do things that cost more money, like taking a vacation in Hawaii. When we lived in the Lower 48 we could just hop in the car and go for a driving vacation. Now we have to fly to leave the state and driving holidays are more of a spring/summer thing. Anyway, life has gotten expensive and complicated and we're doing our best to deal with it.

Right now our goals are to pay off most of our credit cards, leaving only my airline card for daily use, and pay off the car and as many loans as possible within the next two years. By the time Leigh starts her RN program full time we should have a much simpler list of monthly bills. This all sounds great, but for now it's proving very challenging. For example, I scheduled to pay off my Ann Taylor credit card (which I used to purchase my "lawyer clothes" this summer), then did Leigh's Christmas shopping, so now we're basically broke until I get paid again. I hate this! I go to work, live modestly and still feel broke all the time.

Anyway, we'll be fine, it's just going to be a challenging 2 years. We can do it. We can do it! For now I wouldn't object to additional income. Maybe I'll look into something I can do from home like technical writing. I dunno. I was going to write a scholarly article about timber reform laws, but then I thought better of it. It would be a bad idea to write an opinionated article about something so pertinent to Alaskan law and politics while working for the Court System. I have a feeling that, if published, this would only lead to trouble for me. So I think I'll save my writing for after my clerkships are finished.

In other news, Leigh and I have both been kind of sick lately. It's no fun being in our house! I hope this passes soon so we can go back to our normal selves and eventually find ways to enjoy this crazy cold weather. I'm ready for skiing and ice skating weather so it doesn't seem like it's just cold for no good reason.

OK, I should do my job now...

Life Requires Three Days Off Per Week

As a school teacher in France I worked Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. THREE DAYS! After a few months I started working Wednesday afternoons too, but as a tutor, and these hours were flexible. I also got to visit my tutoring pupils at their home in Nice every Wednesday, which was a great excuse to visit a much larger city than Antibes. I'd do some shopping, walk or lay on the beach or grab a kebab sandwich.

Now that I work full time I barely find the time or energy for laundry and reading at the end of the day. In fact, I've been trying to read more and find myself drifting off to sleep instead. I watch a lot of TV, daydream about winter being over, etc. That's my life. On Saturdays I'm so relieved to not be busy that I sleep really late then hang out in my PJs. Sometimes I run errands and these last two Saturdays I've gone to the gym for short workouts.

Last week I had Thursday off for Veteran's Day. A huge perk of working for the State. So basically I turned Thursday into a typical Saturday. I did absolutely NOTHING. I slept in, read a little, watched a lot of TV, hung out around the house. That's it. I don't even think I put on real clothes all day.

So when Saturday rolled around I actually had some energy and motivation! At 10am I met with a nice group of ladies to speak French. We had coffee and chatted for nearly 2 hours. Then I went to the gym for about an hour and returned home to find Leigh dressed and waiting for me. She wanted to get out for a few hours, so we went to Tidal Wave books and did some browsing and Christmas shopping. Then we hit up Target and went home, cleaned the apartment and cooked an amazing dinner. Leigh handled the dinner preparations (scallops in white wine sauce, roasted purple potatoes and steamed asparagus) while I baked a small batch of cookies. It was amazing! We haven't had such a nice, productive, not rushed Saturday since moving here.

Sunday was another lazy day with laundry, reading, etc but then we had a friend over to watch a special on PBS and eat dinner, which was nice. It was still tough when Monday morning rolled around, but at least I don't feel like I was just here 5 minutes ago! Just goes to show that life requires three days off per week. Whether it's three day weekends or a random day off mid-week, it's really necessary to have a day to recover from your work and two days to enjoy yourself. Even a half day in the mid-week would be great. Imagine going to work Wednesday morning knowing you were free to use your afternoon for errands or whatever without penalty? That would leave Saturdays for fun and Sundays for fun or just preparing for the coming week. I know this makes me less American to say, but sometimes the French really know what they're doing....

Awful, awful morning

When I first started my job with the state I was thrilled to find out that Leigh could get health benefits through my job if we filed as domestic partners with HR/Retirement Benefits. I was less thrilled to find out that our Canadian marriage license would not suffice as proof that we are more than "just friends" and therefore eligible. Instead we had to get five pieces of evidence of our relationship. This includes a bank statement, power of attorney, a lease or jointly owned property, etc. A lot of the things listed as acceptable evidence were things we just don't have like stock/bonds, etc. We do have a car that we pay toward together, but while I was in France my dad had it titled in Virginia under his name so he could manage the payments. Therefore there was no record of us owning the car together. So we decided to retitle the car in Alaska and have Leigh's name added along with mine and my dad's names.

Seems simple, right?

Well after weeks of coming up with a game plan with the credit union to whom we make car payments, and phone calls to the DMV helpline making sure I had all the correct documents, I went to the DMV the moment it opened today hoping for the best. Then I met Alice D.

Alice D. works one of the 20 counters at the newest Anchorage DMV. She is in her mid to late 40's, has dyed red hair, wears loudly colored tops and weighs about 350 pounds. Getting up and down from her elevated office chair takes a few minutes and, apparrently, a great deal of skill. Her belly hangs down under her stretch pants and bobs up and down on her knees when she walks and she is responsible enough to direct all possible questions to her supervisor, which is great because the woman can barely read. This is the person to whom the State of Alaska wants me to entrust the paperwork to my greatest asset: my $15,000 car.

When I first approached Alice D. I explained that I needed to retitle my car in Alaska and add a name to the title. This baffled her, which of course was my fault so she became a bit angry. Taking solace in a few slurps of her frozen coffee with whipped cream she decided to help me anyway. For the next HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES Alice D. typed on her computer, complained that my issue was very complicated, complained that the paperwork didn't make sense, became irritated when she could not read mine or my father's names properly off the original Virginia title, and said she might have to "hand me off" because she was so overdue on her 9:00am break. The DMV opens at 8:30am.

When I asked questions she cut me off mid-sentence, said she would help me if I would just let her "do her job" and made up several excuses why she couldn't handle my requests. I was particularly touched by the way she tossed my very important papers around her cluttered, filthy desk. Surely she is responsible and intelligent enough to remember to file my lein properly and mail the title back to the credit union. I should just trust her, right?

At nearly 10:00am (I waited in line outside for the 8:30am opening), Alice D. produced my new title and even made me a copy of it for my insurance records. Success! Until I got to my car and realized that she had assumed I was too stupid to spell my spouse's first name correctly and thoughtly provided the name with an additional "s" to spell "Jessica" rather than "Jesica" (the second spelling is, in fact, her legal first name!). I was already nearly 2 hours late for work and moment away from a 5 o'clock news-worthy emotional breakdown, so I decided to hope for the best that the extra "s" wouldn't cause any hang-ups later.

The piece de resistance, however, was just as I was pulling out of the parking lot. In my driver's side mirror I see Alice D. wobbling toward my car and knock on my window. I roll down my window and she says, "did you walk away with the DMV copy of your new registration because I can't find it!" I look through my papers but it's not there, I only have what I'm supposed to have. Undoubtedly my registration is acting as a coaster for her frozen coffee on her desk. "Oh well," she says, "if you find it please bring it back to us!"

So now I just have to hope that everything is eventually filed correctly and one day I'm not pulled over for stealing my own car. I also have to hope that an extra letter in my spouse's name on a piece of paper typed up by a moron who may or may not have managed to finish high school wont' keep us from both having health insurance for the first time in our relationship. Such is life, I guess, but today I am officially hating life.

More Winter Blues...

The past two days have been emotionally very difficult. Nothing in particular has happened, but for some reason I have been getting out of bed in the morning feeling defeated and the rest of my day has followed suit. Things are fine at home and at work, no catastrophes have come about, but the little things are really starting to get to me.

Yesterday I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. After my bike needed repairs and before I joined the gym there was nearly a two week period where I didn't get any exercise. So I wasn't too surprised yesterday when I weighed 1.5 lbs more than the last time I weighed myself. However, I was surprised this morning when I weighed ANOTHER 1.5 lbs more than yesterday! That's a tough way to start the day. In fact, my current weight is only a little lower than it was when I had my mandatory health exam in France and the nurse so kindly pointed out, "YOU NEED.... TO BE.... MORE THIN!"

Fabulous. I'm working my ass off (literally, this morning my ass is so sore I can't tell you, and my quads are so tired I can barely control my legs while walking downstairs) every day to no avail. Yeah, I took a break but I didn't eat my weight in pizza or anything like that! Meanwhile, aside from some small slip-ups, I eat very healthily and I even keep track of my calories on my phone. Every day I've been running a calorie deficit (eating less than I burn) and still my progress is minor at best and typically non-existent. It's defeating and frustrating and makes me feel like I'm not in control of my own health.

Otherwise, I'm still coming to terms with the whole "stuck in Anchorage forever" feeling I'm getting. The combination of lack of funds and bad weather means I'm probably not going anywhere until March or so. On top of that Leigh is going home for Christmas for 4 days (per her family's insistence), leaving me to myself for that time. I guess it's OK to have some alone time, but altogether the situation really sucks.

THEN yesterday I found out my bar dues for 2011 would be $120 MORE than I had aniticipated. Last year dues were $500, which is pretty steep by any measure, this year it's $620!!! The reasons cited by the Alaska Bar Association are lame and selfish, mostly saying there aren't enough lawyers in Alaska to fund everything the Bar Association does every year and that the Board of Governors couldn't agree on any "fat" to trim in their budget. Well, when the "fat" consists of their perks and salaries I can imagine it would be difficult to come to a consensus! Last year the Bar had an operating budget in excess of $1.6 million (that's just counting bar fees from the nearly 3,200 members), so I'd love to see an expense report to know where our money goes. One thing is for sure, the Bar Association has a very nice office suite in downtown Anchorage and their office staff is paid very well (I saw an ad for their CLE coordinator in the newspaper, the job requires administrative experience ONLY and pays $42,000 per year! So in January I will pay nearly 1/4 of my income for the month to a mandatory professional governing body so that someone with less than half my education and experience can earn nearly the same salary I do as a law clerk with a JD?).

OK, rant over, but believe me this little tidbit of information isn't helping my mood. I was already stressed about how to pay my dues in January and had decided to petition my relatives to make small contributions as my Christmas gifts to help me chip away at the amount. Now it will be an even bigger challenge.

Those are probably the major issues on my mind these days. I'm really stuck in a funk. I want to enjoy my daily life, my job, my time at home and my hobbies but all I can think about are the things that keep me down. Hopefully I will experience at least a small victory very soon to set me back on track because, as we all know, nobody likes a buzz-kill.

Travel, or lack thereof

This time tomorrow I'll be saying, "tomorrow I get to sleep in!" because Thursday is Veteran's Day so I don't have to work. YAY! I love random holidays that don't lead to my using my days off for holiday stuff. It's pretty nice.

I'll be getting a lot of holiday/free days this year though, because I can't go home for Christmas this year. During the summer I could have bought my ticket home for around $600 per person, but I wasn't sure about how asking for time off would work at my new job. So I waited. Then by the time I started my job and had some free money the tickets had shot up to $900 per person. This was simply not a possibility anymore. Leigh and I resigned ourselves to staying in Anchorage for Christmas, cooking a small dinner, doing presents and maybe spending time with friends. I was OK with this because I figured it would be relaxing and I could bank my PTO days for another trip (like Hawaii in April, in fact, this turn of events is WHY we decided to go to Hawaii).

Then this weekend Leigh's grandmother called and insisted that she go to Virginia for Christmas, even if it was just for 4 days. So Leigh's grandmother bought her a ticket to Virginia for about $750 so she can go home from Dec 25 to 29. She'll be back in time for our New Year's plans, which include a concert at the Bear's Tooth. I can't afford to go home at all at this point because we already committed our money to the Hawaii trip and Christmas travel is just too expensive at this point. Oh well, I'll be alone for part of the holiday but it's not the end of the world.
However, this entire situation has made me rethink my plans for next year. Initially I thought we'd just go to Virginia, but since I'm missing out this year I don't want to spend a bunch of my time off just hanging out at various parents' houses and eating a lot.

So instead I've decided we're going to do it up right next year: not only will I go back East for Christmas, but I will hit up Virginia and Florida. Leigh is basically mandated to be in Virginia for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and my parents live three hours from her family, but I really want to spend some time at my brother's house in Florida visiting with his family AND taking a side trip to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I've had my heart set on going there since I heard it was in the works and now I'm finally making it a priority to 1) see most of my family for the holidays and 2) take the time, travel, and money to go to this magical place I have only heard about in stories (literally)!

So exciting! Too bad it's still a year away....

Winter is Here

This morning we woke up to about 6 inches of newly accummulated, white fluffy snow! Unfortunately this means the roads were pretty slippery, but still better for driving than black ice.
From what I understand it'll snow pretty heavily for this month and then it'll get so incredibly cold that the snow will stop falling, but what we have now will remain on the ground. I think I can live with that, assuming the city can get the roads cleared a good deal for safe driving....

Otherwise, the city looks really pretty and impressive with so much snow and icy bits floating on the water in the inlet and the lagoons. Happy Winter!

Small Town

I don't know why this came to mind, but it did and I wanted to share it:

About two weeks ago I was riding the elevator from the courthouse basement to the 3rd floor to meet with a judge. I was wearing khakis (it was a Friday) and a sweater and my cute half-boot cowboy boots. My outfit didn't exactly scream "straight girl" but it wasn't overly butch either. Anyway, at some point a male court employee got on the elevator. He was dressed in the work-casual attire of someone who works behind the scenes in the courthouse. He was also pushing a hand-truck with a box full of inter-departmental mail loaded on it.

This young man takes a look at me and starts chatting with me with the typical, "are you new?" "when did you start?" and "what is your job title?" type questions. Very friendly, in fact it made me a smidge nervous. Maybe too friendly? I started to worry because usually when men give me this much attention it's because they're hitting on me, they pretend they just want to be friends and ask for my number and next thing I know I can't shake them. Note that this doesn't happen too terribly often, but often enough that I have learned the warning signs and dread such attention.

Just as these alarm bells are going off in my head the guy says, "what's your name?" I reply, "I'm Emily." He then extends his hand to shake mine, limp-wristed, his posture softens and he cocks his hip to one side and says, "Hi, I'm [So-and-so]."

Apparrently the Alaskan gays have gay-dar scramblers. This guy had all the signals completely turned off until he was ready to establish true contact and then, voila, the needle on my gay-dar shoots over into the pink zone and I'm saved! This situation started as a nerve-wracking situation where I imagined myself trying to avoid some guy who finds me at least mildly attractive in the smallest legal community in the US, maybe even the WORLD, while working in the same building complex. Luckily it ended with a subtle acknowledgment that I am not, in fact, the only non-straight person working for the Court System.

FRIDAY!

This week really flew by! I can't be happier it's Friday though, because I worked pretty hard this weekend and could use some down time. On Tuesday, after a disasterous attempt to ride my bike in the snow, I joined the Captain Cook Hotel's gym here in Anchorage. The rate is reduced for me because I work at the Courthouse (awesome) and I get credit for the restaurants in the Captain Cook Hotel. I've used the facilities every day so far this week and am trying out the different classes. I've found that spinning classes are really hard but a great way to get a lot of exercise in just one hour and the teachers are awesome. I also learned that west coast yoga (crunchy, granola, borderline religious in nature) is totally different from east coast yoga (compact, serious workouts on a strict schedule that leave you shaky and sweaty). My pilates class last night was too easy because the other students were older and rickety, but the teacher promised if I come back she'll make sure it's challenging for me. I really like the high level of customer service at this place, including the staff trying to remember me by name. I've never been so well cared for before!

This morning I even tested out my food and beverage credit by enjoying a yummy blueberry muffin and a cup of coffee at the Whaletail coffee bar. It was pretty nice to order my breakfast and not have to worry about paying for it!

Well, speaking of gyms I'm doing a lunchtime working in 10 minutes. It's the only way to combat the free food that comes into the courthouse every day!

Thoughts on Enjoyment

When I was a child I always saved the best for last. I think this is because of my family. For example, we always took our summer vacation during the very last week of summer before school started up again in late August. The idea behind this was that we would have something to look forward to all summer rather than taking our beach vacation in June and then just hanging around the house for 2 months. Good idea, but I think it planted the wrong message in my mind.

As a result, I have countless memories of saving my favorite foods for last in my meals, postponing buying something I had saved for so I could put off my enjoyment until a more convenient time, etc. I would also save my favorite clothes for later in the week and put off socializing and fun events until my work was done. These are all good qualities in a hard-working person, but often times I would miss opportunities to have fun and enjoy myself.

When I was living in France, and generally since growing up a little bit, I've found that, more often than not, opportunities for enjoyment catch you by surprise. You can't always plan for them and you can't always schedule them in. So lately I've been trying to give myself permission to capitalize on these opportunities. Instead of leaving my favorite food for last, I'll indulge every so often. Eating your favorite foods improves your mood, which helps with productivity. Likewise, being social or allowing myself times to goof off instead of always being serious is important too. Nobody can just sit down and do serious work all the time while saving their "reward" for later. The human mind and spirit needs variety and stimulation.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it's OK to be less "hard-working" and focus more on pleasure, because having pleasure in your life makes you more productive and more able to enjoy this human experience. The real challenge is opening yourself up to these moments of enjoyment, being able to recognize them, and giving yourself permission to indulge.

Feeling Blue... or White?

Today we got our first big snow in Anchorage. I woke up to 4-6 inches of fluffy white snow. Feeling brave, I decided to bike to work anyway using my all season bike tires. All season my ass! Of course I only made it out of the parking lot before realizing there was no way in Hell I could bike 7 miles in fluffy white, unplowed snow and still get to work on time and in one piece. Defeated, I went back up to the apartment, showered, dressed, and drove Leigh and myself to our respective offices.

I officially need studded tires, which run about $45 per tire. I have $90 that I could spend on this, but my bike is worth exactly $80. Is it logical to spend $90 upgrading an $80 bicycle? No, it isn't. What makes more sense is to buy a new bicycle for $200 or $300 then invest in some winter tires for a worthy set of wheels. However, I do NOT have anywhere near $400 to spend on a bicycle + accessories. So I'm left with a dilema- what to do?

I love riding my bike to work. I get such a sense of accomplishment! Plus, starting last week, I was really starting to see the physical benefits too. Last week I started biking straight up this ridiculously steep hill right before I get to my office. I couldnt' do that a month ago! Plus my clothes were fitting better and I felt amazing. It was looking very possible that I could reach my goal weight by next spring. Then last week my bike needed repairs, so I didn't ride all week, and yesterday I rode home from work after getting my bike back and was pretty winded when I got home. Not a good sign. This morning I feel really fat and sluggish and I hate my body, even though my clothes still fit, etc. It's all psychological at this point (and a little bit physical) but soon my fears will become reality if I don't do something.

For the past few days I've heard good talk about the athletic facilities at the Capt. Cook Hotel across from my office in the courthouse. The membership rate is reduced for court employees, members get use of a locker, gym clothes, towels, shampoo, etc plus unlimited spinning, yoga, pilates, etc classes, parking in the garage (I dont' need it because my garage is across the street) and $20 per month toward food at the hotel coffee shop and restaurants. Sounds great! It's $80 per month, which isn't bad at all, but it's another expense I have to calculate in. It's a better investment than trying to turn my "throw away" bicycle into a winter riding machine and I'll get the use of a proper locker room and showers, etc. Another benefit is that I can get tons of excercise all winter without subjecting my body to freezing temperatures and possible bicycle accidents. So I get to avoid a series of ear infections, certain bronchitis, likely laryngitis and possible broken bones and sprains (I've been slipping on ice a lot this past week!).

Leigh is really cool about this. She says I never spend money on myself and that I should do this so I can feel better. Not getting any excerise has been making me feel pretty depressed. Coupled with gray weather, this does not bode well for the long winter! Anyway, it looks like I'm not going to be a biker for a few months. Sad, but at least I have another option.

In other news, yesterday Leigh momentarily lost her mind and got a second job. She doesn't need this other job and it only pays $8.50 per hour, but she really wants it. From now on she will continue to work 8am to 5pm as a temp at a local non-profit and starting November 15 she will work from 6pm to 12am as a warehouse employee for UPS. She said she is bored with her job and doesn't get enough exercise, so she wants a job that is more fun and will make her physically tired at the end of the day. This is all well and good, but when will she sleep?! Anyway, I'm glad she got a job she wants and is excited about it, but I worry she won't get enough sleep or down time to herself. We will pretty much only see each other while commuting (because we only have one car) and on weekends. It will be a big change for us, but hopefully a good one.

Sluggish Monday

This weekend was so much fun, but this morning I feel awful!

Friday night was Date Night in the Maass-Farmer household. We went to see The Shining at midnight at the Bear Tooth Grill Pub & Theater. So much fun! Anyway, we were exhausted when we got home at 1:30 and passed out. I slept until probably 10am the next morning (Saturday) and then took an afternoon nap later that day. Feeling amazingly well-rested, I tackled the rest of my weekend complete with errands, cleaning, etc. It was great. My bathroom is now spotless and sterilized. I'm so proud of myself!

Then yesterday I started baking and pretty much didn't stop until late last night. I baked healthy pumpkin cookies, semi-healthy pumpkin cranberry scones, and unhealthy rocky mountain chip oatmeal cookies complete with a LOT of sugar. I then proceeded to eat four of said sugary cookies at 21:00 last night. Around 22:30 I decided it was time for bed, but then the sugar kicked in causing me to lay awake for a very long time. What sleep I did get was fitful and I think I even had some weird dreams.

Needless to say, I was not happy about getting up this morning! Leigh also did a few little things to set me off, which led to a fight, which led to me being even grumpier. Tough morning. I have tried to cure my sleepiness with coffee to little end. Now I can just hope to get some work done today so it's not a total loss!

The one good thing about today is that my Lola is fixed! Another clerk working at the courthouse must be an angel from Heaven because she offered up her husband's professional bike fixing skills to help me with my dilemma. He fixed it over the weekend and now I'm back to riding as of this afternoon! The best part is that, rather than charge me the exact value of my bike to fix it, he is happy to work in exchange for some high quality beer. Sounds like a fair trade to me!