I share my office with another law clerk. This is fine because we have a lot of "bosses" and a lot of assignments. Sharing is good. I really try to make it work. Unfortunately my officemate hates me. Well, I don't know if she hates me, but she really doesn't want to be my friend. She doesn't even want to be friendly. This is making my life kind of miserable. For weeks now I've been lucky to get a friendly "hello" out her. At some occassions, when she actually speaks to me, it is borderline hostle. I tend to pretend she isn't there when this happens, as irrational people cannot be reasoned with. Then last week, after carefully outlining the order in which I would attack the pile of files on my desk, I return from court to find a bunch of my work taken off my desk, my name crossed off the assignment list for those files, and the files transferred out to their respective destinations. This may seem like a friendly gesture, but my officemate had her own work to do, yet still decided to not only do MY work but also to take credit for it as though I'd pushed my duties off on her.
This was upsetting and confusing. Following the advice of a supervisor I simply said to my officemate, "Hey, I noticed you finished those files for me. That was really nice of you, but next time could you please leave a note or something? I couldn't find them and was searching frantically!" Her response was grunting: "Oh, OK. Sorry." No explanation was offered for the weird behavoir, but I was satisfied that we didn't argue about it.
Then today I come into work to the typical lack of "hello, how was your weekend?" etc. When I decided to get myself coffee, I [as usual] offered to bring something back for her. She declined [as usual]. Then around 11:30 two other clerks come down to our office in their coats and hats. They hang out and talk loudly for about 5 minutes. My officemate puts on her coat and they depart together. During the time they were in my office nobody spoke to me, nor did anyone tell me where they were going or ask if I'd like to come along, etc. Now it's not just my officemate who seems to lack manners and professionalism, but two other clerks who [not so ironically] were in her graduating class at law school.
All of this begs the following questions (which I will briefly address):
- Did I do something wrong? Leigh assures me that some people just suck. I really do go out of my way to be friendly. I don't step on my officemate's toes. We're not even competing for jobs because I'm clerking again next year. Leigh says I probably make her feel inferior because I have a big personality and have done a lot of things, while my officemate, quite frankly, doesn't have a lot going on in her life right now and probably subconsciously hates me for being happy. Leigh also says that most people dont' give others a chance to win them over, but I do, which is a rare quality. I'm not trying to brag, just repeating what Leigh said to make me feel better. What's most important is that, upon some reflection, I know I could work just fine with the other law clerks if paired together for future projects. It's just a personality clash at this point. Even if my future coworkers don't care for me either, most likely they will at least be able to behave themselves.
- Do parents not teach manners anymore? The answer to this might be obvious, but my officemate is 4 years older than me. However, I was raised in the South, in southern schools. "Ma'am" and "sir" are standard words in my world. Offering a guest a drink or snack is a given. Not offering to bring someone a cup of coffee or invite them to lunch with friends is unthinkable where I was raised. In spite of cultural differences, I find it impossible to believe that at least SOME manners aren't still taught in other parts of the US. Ignoring someone you spend 8 hours per day with is rude by any standards.
- Do law schools sometimes fail to teach professionalism and/or networking? In law, professionalism is a key part of our education. We argue for a living, so one must learn to argue civilly, no matter how much your opponent pisses you off. Also, Alaska is a small legal community. This will not be the last time I see my officemate, yet she has no problem slighting me and leaving me with a bad impression of her. Perhaps she wasn't taught that lesson. This is very possible considering that her classmates were equally rude today. Of course, they did attend a mostly caucasion, over-priced school, so maybe arrogance and self-centeredness is in the syllabi? Meanwhile, I attended a state school. We were taught on the first day that one attracts more flies/jobs/positive contacts with honey/not being a self-centered asshole.
All I can do now is ignore/avoid the situation. In the end this is not my problem, but it could become my problem if I allow the issue to escalate. I can't become known for having a big blow-out argument with my officemate. However, I think I wont' try so hard to be overly polite, since it's not getting me anywhere. This doesn't mean I'll be rude, but I doubt I'll continue to offer to grab coffee for her when I go for myself.
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