Back in the Saddle

We flew home on Sunday afternoon. First Charlotte to Phoenix (4 hours), then Phoenix to Anchorage (6 hours). Our flight from Phoenix to Anchorage was supposed to arrive around 12:30am on Monday morning. This would give me a fighting chance of going to work sometime on Monday. Instead we were delayed due to technical problems and did not arrive in Anchorage until 1:45am, arriving home closer to 2:30am. There was no way in Hell I was going to get home that late, after a 6 hour flight (and a 12 hour journey) and make it to work at any point during that same day!

Instead I took some Tylenol and hit the hay. I slept hard until about noon, then got up and tried to make sense of the past week. Leigh was still in a fog herself, having had a tough journey also and never having had the chance to really process her loss or everything that has changed since last Tuesday. We had a little breakfast, got dressed, ran a few errands, and eventually had a nice lunch and saw a matinee. It may seem like a wasted day, but we really needed to unwind. My only regret is that we did not use the time to clean our apartment, which always helps us to feel a little bit better. So this evening we're planning to make some sense of the piles of laundry and dishes in our apartment.

This morning we got up for work and were just having a terrible time getting ready. We almost threw in the towel on Tuesday as well, but I needed to get back to work and Leigh needed to start feeling normal again, even though it's going to take a lot of time to actually feel normal after such a loss. At one point I had a small breakdown. It was so stupid, but I'd planned to ride my bike to work but the tire was flat and my tire pump is broken. Little things like that can really set a person off in stressful times.

I just sat down and cried, realizing how things have gone wrong the past few weeks and how little I could do about it. I'm worried about my health, Leigh's health, Leigh's mental health, Leigh's family's healing process, the house we're buying (everything is fine but this process is so stressful!), Juneau Cat (who has decided to be a little shithead since we left her so suddenly last week), my lost summer of cycling and having fun, and our apartment being a huge mess. Not to mention that we still have to go about our business- work, errands, helping friends, hosting relatives coming to town, trying to get healthy, etc. When you're trying to do so much anyway and then suffer a loss or a setback, sometimes it can all be a bit too much.

So all we can do now is go to work and clean our apartment, try to eat better after a week of eating heavy food brought over by the neighbors, and try to do something fun and lighthearted every few days. We can start packing our apartment and focus on our tasks one day at a time. Maybe if we keep acting like everything is OK then eventually it really will be OK. At the very least, in 38 days we'll close on our house. This will provide us with a big, wonderful distraction while we work through everything else.

Anyway, I should start working on these files I've been neglecting since last week....