Saturday, May 8, 2010

Feeling: Odd

I've been back in the USA for less than one week now. This time last week I was boarding a flight from Fez, Morocco to Marseille before a whirlwind journey to Paris then the US. So if last week is my normal level of activity/madness in life (or maybe just a few notches above normal), then comparatively this week I am dead, or perhaps the newest member of the Undead.

Since arriving here in cosmopolitan Grundy, Virginia on Tuesday night I have accomplished very little. This is only somewhat due to laziness but mostly because I'm housebound (a girl like me needs an ambassador or official escort to comfortably walk around in this town) and have almost nothing to do but wait around. Leigh works really long days this week because things at her temp job picked up big time (hence the reason the job was hiring in the first place). It's great that she's working a lot, but it also means I get exactly 2 or 3 hours of time with her or any other human being every day. The rest of the day it's just me and my mother-in-law's five cats plus my own cat who has been living here since October. That's right, me and six cats! A girl is bound to go crazy in conditions like that!

So every day goes like this: wake up with Leigh, have breakfast with her before she goes to work. Then I putter around, check email, etc for about an hour before realizing it's not even 10:00 and I'm bored stiff. So I usually go back to bed for a few hours to make the time pass. Throughout the rest of the day I do a few chores, play with cats, read a little bit, check email compulsively (though I rarely receive any emails because everyone else I know is working or has started classes again so they have lives and are busy) and Facebook (I have become WAY too interested in the minutia of others' lives), snack a bit (I hope I don't gain back my pre-Europe weight!), watch bad TV, repeat.

Luckily today is my last day of this existence because tonight Leigh and I will drive to my dad's house in Ferrum, VA, then in the morning we will drive to Myrtle Beach to hang out with my parents and reconnect with each other. So basically after today I get Leigh back to myself for a while, then we'll head across country and really start our adventure, but this little limbo period between Europe madness and North American madness has taken its toll on me emotionally. I feel useless, listless, bored, lonely, and a whole host of other emotions just from the mere fact that last week I was busy and discovering new things every moment and this week I am a guest in someone else's home with no purpose or goals.

Plus, and I didn't realize this until yesterday, before I left for France I literally sold everything I own that didn't have a significant sentimental value. This includes furniture, all housewares, clothing, etc. All I own now includes my car, my cat, Leigh, and some items that can fit into a few boxes. I've never felt quite so homeless before, so much so that my transient life in France looks like a cozy home compared to what I have here. Yeah, my apartment came furnished and I barely owned anything, but at least it was my own space based on my own terms. I never felt trapped or purposeless, not for a single moment, not even when it became all too clear that my job was purposeless because at least my time abroad was not.

The bottom line here is that I'm feeling pretty odd, mostly because my repatriation is starting out strangely. I'm the type of girl who needs to be occupied all the time. I need a plan, a project and a challenge. Time to sit around and do nothing but think and miss the people and places I came to know and love is not good for my emotional stability. Good thing it ends tonight, so I just need to get through one more day of this and then the fun can begin! Hell, then my new life can begin!

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