Another Stream of Consciousness Post

Wow, I'm dragging today... big time. Stayed up too late last night watching True Blood (on DVD, can't wait for Season 3 to be released!) and buying new music on Itunes (with my stocking stuff gift card- woot!). So today I have zero energy, but I have to pull myself out of this fog because 1) I need to get some stuff done today and 2) I need to go the gym for the first time in about a week. My tummy is noticably, shall we say, "different looking" after two holiday dinners and days of leftovers.

Anyway, yeah, I really need a nap. Can't do a lot at work right now because I'm waiting for an instructional email. Another reason to go ROWE: If I made my own hours I could go do other things (such as take a nap or hit the gym now rather than later) whilst waiting for said email and then spend my evening finishing up this task rather than sitting here killing time and waiting for instructions. Oh well, that's life.

Enjoying my new album from The Kills at the moment. Yay for new music! Should help motivate me to get my sorry butt to the gym today.

Hey, did you hear about the robot English teachers being used in South Korea now? I KNEW my job last year was pointless! (kidding...) The funny part is that the robot's "face" looks like a White female but the voice is transmitted remotely from a Fillipino English teacher. So you have a 3ft tall robot with a Caucasion face and a Fillipino accent. Trippy. Overall a great idea though, especially with the note at the end of the article that the plan is to use the robots in rural parts of the country where foreign teachers won't agree to live. My only complaint is that anglophones aren't doing the voices. The best way to learn a language is to practice with native speakers, not with other second or third language speakers. But one step at a time, right? What a cool way to earn a living- remotely teaching lessons and having conversations with students around the world. In theory, you can live wherever you like as long as you are available to direct the class during school hours in the necessary time zone.

Holy Multilingualism, Batman!

On Christmas Eve, Leigh and I ate our French inspired dinner to the Edith Piaf channel on Pandora Radio. It was through this random sampling of Paifesque musique that I discovered the song "Sympathique" by Pink Martini. I assumed that Pink Martini was the Lady Gaga of French lounge music. I was wrong.

Turns out Pink Martini is an American "little orchestra" that plays a varied repertoire of music in a variety of languages. A glance at their discography on their official website indicates that they record songs in English, French, Spanish and Italian for sure and possibly other languages also. The best part is that the lyrics are clearly pronounced and they even point out the multilingualism in videos by translating some words, so it's actually quite useful for listening comprehension practice and pronunciation (if you sing along). How fun!

Now, for your viewing pleasure, "Sympathique":

Reflections of the past half year.

This afternoon I did a bit of light reading of my blog posts from my final month in Europe and my first two weeks back in the US. It's amazing: I've been in the US for 8 months, a month longer than the time spent in Europe, and yet my memories and my heart pull me back to my time abroad on a daily basis. Usually this is a wondeful biproduct of my time away, but sometimes it's frustrating or saddening. I thought I'd post to address some questions and comments I posed to myself and the world before coming home. Call it "full circle" writing, if you like.

From Antibes, the last week of April 2010: "My greatest fear is that I won't be able to continue the inner journey I started here after leaving the Continent. What if I forget all that I learned about the world and myself?"

Thankfully this has not happened. While my "inner journey" has slowed a great deal, if not come to a complete standstill, I still have the memories of those pivotal moments that spurred me along last year. I have not forgotten what I have learned (the good and the bad), not for a moment, and rereading my old posts only helps me to know that. My only concern is that, because my daily life is significantly less challenging (emotionally and spiritually) and so very "normal," I worry my growth is slow to the point of being stagnant. Hopefully this concern will motivate me to continue challenging myself rather than seeking my comfort zone.

"What if I go back to being the same person I was before I learned these things?"

I don't think this is possible. I was away just long enough to feel settled in a new life, even just for a few weeks. I became so comfortable putting myself in uncomfortable situations, meeting new people, exploring new places, etc that I don't think I could ever go back to being who I was before. Not that I've changed as a person, but I feel the experience has calmed me, forced me to be more thoughtful and calculating in my decisions, and the like. The experience has also further awakened the wanderlust that led me away in the first place, so that while I'm enjoying permanence at the moment (and sometimes wonder if I should stay put for a while), I know that I will have other times in my life when I am nomadic and living as an ex-pat once more.

"What if my life doesn't bring me back here to continue exploring this Old World that I have come to love so much?"

This, unfortunately, is very possible. Due to the European Union and my country's stiff policies regarding immigration, other countries are in no mood to do Americans any favors when trying to live abroad. However, I have a few ideas on the back burner to take me back to Europe in the coming years. For a start, I'm still thinking about grad school in France, but not for another 3 or 4 years. Also, Taize is always a good option for long term stays abroad, though I have to go before I'm 30. Language schools, cultural exchanges, and of course business opportunities are also possible. It will take dedication and work, but it is entirely possible to return regularly throughout my life. Also, Europe isnt' the only Old World: Leigh and I have plans to travel in Southeast Asia next year, so I have much exploring left in my life!

"What if the people I have met, and come to both admire and care for forget me entirely? What if wanting to stay connected just isn't tangible enough for reality?"

Unfortunately I cannot answer this first part of this question, however I can say that I have tried to stay in touch with everyone through email and Facebook and now Twitter. So the answer to the second part is that, in modern times, it is entirely tangible. Sometimes it becomes very frustrating because I want to see my friends more often or speak on the phone. I want our budding friendships to grow more rapidly than is possible at such a distance. Instead I know I should be grateful to have technology so that we can stay in touch at all and know that our paths will cross again in the future. A great example is that a friend I met at Taize told me today she'll be studying in the US next year! Granted, she won't be studying anywhere near me in Alaska, but this makes is more possible to visit at least once while she is in my country.

From the Summer, something practical: "I'm planning to get through German Levels I and II this summer, which is a pretty good chunk of information..."
OK, this didn't happen. I did study a little bit of vocabulary and watched some subtitled films. I still enjoy German a lot and want to learn, but honestly I'm having a hard enough time just holding onto my French. Luckily for Christmas I received three Harry Potter books in French, which are great! I also got a little novel that I'll tackle later on. I really want to keep learning French and I want to start learning German. I just need to make the time and effort and remember WHY I want to learn it!

From early May 2010: "I've never felt quite so homeless before, so much so that my transient life in France looks like a cozy home compared to what I have here."

All summer I wished for a real home or at least a home-base. Now I have one. We have a tiny, dingy apartment in a dull neighborhood, but it's safe and warm and ours. It's well-furnished and the walls are completely covered with prints and photos from our travels. Our life together so far. We can't wait to find a better housing situation, but for now it's quite a relief just to have something of our own. Even so, I can't help but miss that crowded apartment in France, especially when Leigh was there with us, with a view of the sea and the Alps and steps away from opportunity. It's a tough act to follow.

"I am so excited to start my adult life, my career, to try out Alaska full time and see how it goes. I have a lot of wonderful opportunities ahead in the next 18 months. After that, who knows?"

My summer was certainly a challenge and very interesting. It ticked all the necessary boxes and was even a lot of fun at times. I worked hard. I earned enough money to get started in Alaska. I was more fit, more tan, and better fed than I've been ever in my life. The drive to Alaska was long and hard, but I'm glad I did it. I can check that off my bucket list. Now that I'm in Alaska, doing it "full time," I'm really starting to like it here. We're in the dead of winter and I dont' mind. I have plans to learn to cross-country ski and now the days are getting longer. Soon it will be spring and I'll visit Hawaii and then it will be a glorious summer. I'm set for work next year and then I will do my best to find a great job and get a real career started. Then, who knows? I have a lot of "maybe" plans and they're all good, so I can't complain. In fact, I can rejoice!

As I read more through my posts I noticed how happy I was and excited about every little thing. I think traveling and all that comes with it really brings out the best in me. I'm less synical, more excited, more curious, and more creative. Even my writing was so much better then, maybe just because the language I was exposed to every day was more varied because it was spoken by such diverse people in at least two languages. Also, I was so optimistic, like nothing could touch me. I couldn't be harmed. Unfortunately, this isn't actually true and I did face some actual trials during my time abroad, particularly when traveling alone. When traveling with friends I always felt safe, but that of course is a challenge in and of itself. In the end my friendships were better for it and I greatly enjoyed sharing those moments with others. My solo travels were equally important to my experience. I learned about myself. I learned my limits. I learned when to be at ease and when not to be. Even if some of those experiences have left an impression that I wish were not so lasting.

So that's my half year in review. I hope next year is just as full of enjoyment, challenge and adventure, even if it comes in completely different forms! Most of all, I hope anyreader(s)' coming year is equally blessed!

Christmas and Post-Christmas

Well, folks, the holiday season is almost over, aside from New Year's of course. Christmas Eve was absolutely lovely. Leigh and I co-prepared a delicious and decadent French inspired Christmas dinner. Leigh did all the shopping and menu planning and I did the preparations. We hit up our favorite local gourmet grocery store, New Sagaya Markets, to find a lot of the items and used Costco for the more common things.

As you can see, we had baked brie (one with organic honey and one with chorizo), mushroom pate, ham, green beans, carrots, camembert, baguette, and chocolate eclaire cake for dessert. All served with pinot noir. It was a really fun meal because we ate things we love but cannot always justify buying. Such a nice way to celebrate. Late that night I had to take Leigh to the airport to catch her flight back East. I also spent the evening making pumpkin pie and preparing macaroni and cheese for the next day. While Leigh spent all of Christmas Day in the air and airports (ugh), I spent the morning cleaning the apartment and cooking more American style Christmas foods.

Around 3pm a good friend stopped by with her little boy for dinner. We exchanged presents, played with the little boy's new toys (including a few from Leigh and I. Shopping for kids is so much fun!), chatted and watched Cars. By the end of the evening I felt we had sufficiently celebrated the holiday and I felt completely spoiled. Not only did Leigh and I get a gift card to New Sagaya (see above), but I was also the recipient of some nice warm clothes and a beautiful Southeast Alaska framed print!

Then yesterday, Boxing Day, was very lazy for me. I had the apartment to myself and caught up on some TV shows I have on DVD. Today I'm back at work and realizing that, while it was nice to decompress by myself for the weekend, I'm really missing Leigh. This is the first time we've spent even a day apart since I returned home from Europe on May 3, 2010. Over the summer we worked together nearly 12 hours per day and drove from Virginia to Alaska. I'm not saying we are co-dependent, we are fully capable of doing things on our own, but the daily grind just isn't the same without my best friend.

That being said, the sooner Thursday arrives, the better: Leigh comes home that night, I get another 3 day weekend, and we have our Inidigo Girls concert on New Years Eve!

PS: I've joined Twitter. Still not entirely sure what it's for, but I'm learning. Follow me at AKAvocate, if you like.

So Far, So Happy!

Yesterday I allowed myself to succomb to impending illness and went home at 10:30am. This means I cashed in 5 hours of PTO time, not too shabby. This week I will have used one full day of PTO for various personal matters, which isn't too bad considering that it's a holiday week and I haven't had a lot to do. Anyway, I went home and hit the hay immediately. After laying there frustrated for a few minutes I eventually fell asleep and didn't wake up until nearly 2:30pm! I guess I needed it. I downed a few glasses of OJ, did some cleaning around the apartment and then picked up Leigh from work. This morning I feel 95% recovered. Thank goodness for taking time off to recover before a true recovery is needed! Otherwise I likely would have gotten ill to the point of lasting effects.

Today is a great day so far. I got to work to find two presents on my desk: a bag of truffles from a JA down the hall and a card from my 10 judges with a $50 gift card to a nearby espresso place. This is probably my fourth gift of coffee gift certificates. It seems I've made an impression on my co-workers and loved ones of needing lots of caffeine to survive my job, or maybe it's just a lawyer stereotype. Either way I'm happy to have oodles of free coffee, tea, and snacks for the coming months!

Also, Leigh is working a half day, followed by lunch with me, then errands, then I'm skivving off a few hours early so we can hit the gym and still be home with time to spare. We have plans to start our holiday cooking and cleaning tonight so that tomorrow is just relaxing. Super excited to be only a few hours away from a true three day weekend!

That's all for now! Happy Christmas!

Ick

Have not slept properly in nearly a week.

Woke up this morning with a tummy ache, headache, and some joint pains.

Had to go to work today because (1) I hate using my paid time off for stuff that isn't fun and (2) Leigh made me.

Really, really, really want to go home and go back to bed. I don't have any pending projects for the day so I'm actually just sitting here feeling icky and wishing it was the weekend already.

Don't wanna be sick for the holidays. I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick, I'm not getting sick.......

Christmas Presents

Every year Leigh and I promise ourselves we will wait for the actual holiday to open our Christmas presents. Every year we fail. In fact, there was one year when we opened our gifts on December 15! Ridiculous, I know. You would think we were children. In our defense we have typically had multiple Christmases because we lived far from our parents. Each year we would typically open our gifts ridiculously early (usually in a moment of stress or winter blues due to final exams, etc), then travel to both of our families houses over the course of our Christmas break. Since we dont' have children there's never been a distinct need to wait until Christmas day to open gifts.

This year we made it until December 19, a record so far for us. We cleaned the apartment, cooked dinner then opened gifts while we watched a movie. It was really fun! Leigh was very pleased with her gifts, which included 3 new Vonnegut novels, 3 pairs of tall Smartwool socks (which have proven very warm and comfy), new pajamas, a sweatshirt, and some other odds and ends. I also got her a gift card to Gap for the after Christmas sale madness so she can stock up on work clothes for her new job. I was utterly spoiled with two new skirts from Anthropologie (one is PURPLE and the other has RUFFLES!), sweaters, lots of new books (two of them in French!), pajamas and some other lovely odds and ends I wouldn't normally buy for myself. I am so pleased and feel the distinct urge to cut my work day short to go home and start a new book (but I won't do that!). Instead I can just enjoy the new skirt and cute argyle tights that I'm wearing :-)

Now I bet you're wondering how we plan to celebrate our actual Christmas after this early day of gluttony. Well, we are having a "French Christmas." I don't mean we are going to cook dishes typical of a French family's Christmas. Instead we are going to indulge in some of our favorite French foods for Christmas. Because it's a holiday we will have a ham, of course, some baked brie, veggies, baguette and the like. We are also going to make Leigh's mother's chocolate eclaire cake recipe. OK, that's not really French but it is French-inspired and one of our favorite desserts so it counts! Basically we plan to spend Christmas Eve cooking and enjoying a day at home indulging in our favorite food memories from our time in Europe. This will certainly include a lot of wine.

Then, around midnight, I have to take Leigh to the airport to catch a 2:00am flight toward the East Coast so she can spend the four following days with her family. I will miss her greatly, but am fortunate enough to have a really good friend here in Anchorage to enjoy Christmas Day with (which, again, will consist of lots of yummy food and wine and giving presents to my friend's 5-year-old boy- too cute!).

So those are my/our plans. Next year we'll do something much bigger, but for now this will do just fine. In the meantime, I should really get back to work!

Holiday Spirit?

Christmas is not my favorite holiday. In fact, if it weren't for the time off from work/school, the excuse to eat yummy winter foods and the presents I wouldn't like anything about it. Now I know it may seem like I just named the best things about Christmas and you might wonder what I DON'T like about Christmas, just think about everything else: the shopping, the madness, the commercialism, screaming kids, stressed out people, Christmas music (yeah, I said it!), the intense focus on buying people presents they don't really want or need and whom you wouldn't normally buy for.

Most of all, I hate the focus on Santa Claus. Oh yeah, I went there.

I believed in Santa until I was about 5 years old, then I noticed that "Santa" used the same wrapping paper and note cards as my parents did. Then I had to decide whether to allow my belief to shatter or whether to allow for the possibility that Santa is a home invader who waits till the last minute to wrap gifts and even steals supplies from my parents to do so. I chose the former option because, let's face it, it's way less creepy.

As an adult my hatred for the "Santa Claus conspiracy" is what it does to children. Parents spend a great deal of time and money carefully choosing gifts for their children. They wrap them, hide them, and wait with anticipation to see the look of glee and surprise on their kids' faces on Christmas morning. Then this guy Santa comes into the picture and the kids no longer feel excited and happy that they have parents who love them enough to go to so much trouble for them, they thank some imaginary fat ass who commits an unheard of number of burglaries(breaking and entering a dwelling house at night with the intent of commiting a crime therein- i.e. stealing materials, eating milk and cookies, possibly damages a fireplace or Christmas tree) in a single night. I want my kids to believe in ME. I'm the one who loves them enough to make sure they have presents on Christmas by working for the money, listening to what they say they want, and doing the shopping and the wrapping. Plus there's the added religious issue. It would be nice if they knew that the purpose of Christmas is to celebrate Christ's birth, not to shower already pampered children with gifts.

My disdain for Santa Claus aside, Christmas can be really fun with the right combination of things. This year I'm having a very quiet, simple Christmas. I'm not even leaving town. This has been making me feel a bit blue. Then yesterday and today it started to sink in that this time of year can be really fun. I've been doing lunch with colleagues, buying gifts for family and shipping them out, planning my baking and cooking, and getting excited about opening the gifts that I know Leigh put a lot of thought into. I'm also really excited for her to open the gifts I bought for her because there's a lot of things she will enjoy and some things she needs. Today was particularly fun because there's a lot of yummy food around the office for snacking and everyone is really happy about the upcoming season. So I guess I can stop being such a Grinch and let myself enjoy this Christmas, even if it's not the perfect combination of things :-)

My Christmas List

I just realized that I haven't made a Christmas list at all this year! How on Earth will Santa know what to bring me?

Here it is:
-My 2011 Bar Dues ($620!!! and a requirement for my profession, what a racket!)
-New lenses for my glasses (mine are pretty scratched up and I've always wanted transitions lenses, but I love my frames and plan to keep those)
-Gloves I can drive comfortably in (I lost my thin gloves and my ski gloves leave me with exactly zero dexterity)
-Remote start for my car ($350, pricey, I know, but it would be totally worth it)
-A new windshield for my car (apparrently I got a little chip on the drive North, which turned into a complete latitudinal crack across the bottom portion!)

Honestly, that's all I could possibly wish for right now. My daily life is pretty basic and I don't want much, but some things I really need I just can't afford on my own. Of course, after Christmas I hope to find some great deals on a few smaller items (new pajamas and basic clothing items like socks, underwear, etc) to keep me comfy and warm, but those things are much less important and I can handle them with any discretionary money I might have in January.

OK Santa, the ball is in your court!

Dear God is it the Weekend Yet?

Oh my gosh I am so tired today. I've been running on empty since Monday, trying to fit everything into my day normally in spite of not resting up enough over the weekend and starting my week with an energy deficit and without being really prepared for my week. Then the last few nights I've either stayed up too late or had to get up too early (for office Christmas party stupidness) or both. Last night I stayed up till the wee hours (11:30pm) so I could watch Rachel Maddow on the Tonight Show (which was very entertaining, I love her. She's kind of dreamy) and this morning had to get up in time to dress, start up the car and stop for breakfast somewhere because we ran out of milk yesterday (dear God!). So it's been a weird week and my body just won't keep up.

This holiday season is proving to be more challenging than I anticipated. Until this year I've been in school, so I had final exams followed by a nice long vacation from responsibility (unless I had to work). So I'd study really hard, take my tests and then relax from about December 15th or so until just after the New Year. This year every day is perfectly normal with work, gym, errands, etc but I still have to make time for things like Christmas shopping, office holiday stupidness, cooking, and dealing with dangerous roads and subzero temperatures. It's exhausting! I'm not even traveling this year and I feel completely out of sorts!

Anyway, it'll be over soon. This evening I plan to complete my Christmas shopping. I need to get gifts for my family back East and get those in the mail ASAP so they make it sometime around the actual holiday. Between being stretched for cash and for time I've managed to put this off to the last possible minute for the first time in my life. I don't like this frantic feeling...

OK, I should get back to work. I really need a nap, or a second coffee, or a vacation, or maybe all three....

Health Care in America

At the risk of jumping on the bandwagon, I'm going to discuss health care in the US, specifically as it pertains to me:

Since September I have been attempting to get Leigh on my work's health care plan. Because our marriage is not recognized in the US I had to show 5 items of proof that we are, in fact, a couple. Our Canadian marriage certificate was NOT a valid form of proof. Go figure. Anyway, I successfully completed this process and was told that, because I cannot claim her as my dependent on my federal taxes (Alaska doesn't have income tax), I would have to pay taxes as thought I earned an additional $560 per month, taxed at about 25%. This morning I found that my semi-monthly paycheck was missing nearly $150! That's more like a 56% taxation!

To make a long story short, it turns out that I'm only taxed on one paycheck per month, so the calculations are correct but it is still completely unfair that I have to pay these taxes. If I were married to a man, my husband's coverage would be completely free because we could file our taxes jointly or I could count him as my dependent if I wanted to. Because Leigh is a working adult I cannot count her as my dependent under any circumstances. Luckily Leigh's new job will offer her a health insurance plan and we can sit down and decide if it's cheaper to pay the $150 per month through my job or for her new company to insure her. Until then, we now have another monthly bill to worry about.

This brings me to the issue at large: I was so excited about Obama's new health care plan. I imagined the US having something similar to NHS in the UK or the French system. But no, Americans can't even look the tiniset bit socialist. We can't even expand Medicare and Medicaid to cover everyone, not just the elderly and destitute. In the eyes of the American public, it would be unacceptable to provide even the most dismal level of care to the population at large, lest we be called "socialists."

Instead we have a plan that requires all Americans to secure some form of health care by 2012. In our privatized health care system this means even the single mom who works 38 hours per week at McDonalds (because at 40 hours per week your employer has to provide you with benefits, so employers refuse to let some types of employees work 40 hours) has to purchase a health care plan for herself and her children. This could cost her hundreds or possibly thousands of dollars per month, depending on her health and her income. Some people don't have that kind of money.

Today a Federal Judge in Virginia ruled this aspect of the health care plan to be unconstitutional. I tend to agree. Since when can the United States require a citizen to purchase something? It's true that a person is legally required to purchase car insurance, but nobody is legally required to purchase a car or even have a driver's license. Meanwhile, we all have bodies and all of our bodies require care. Why can't our government (and our populace) see that everyone needs access to basic, preventative care?

In case anyone cares, here is my wish list for the US Health Care System:
1. EVERYONE gets basic care for FREE (via taxes, of course): this includes an annual check-up, vaccinations (by choice), teeth cleanings, emergent care (accidents, etc), and child birth.
2. If you want to purchase additional insurance privately or through work, you may
3. Incentives to quit smoking, lose weight, etc
4. Preventative measures for children to combat obesity, diabetes, smoking, and eating junk food while promoting sports (obviously the parents aren't doing this sufficiently on their own, so schools and public services should pick up the slack until the country has a change in outlook).

That's all. I would imagine we could find the money for at least some of this amongst our other costs if the American people could get a clear answer as to where our money goes every year. At any rate, I suspect the ObamaCare program will die before it goes into effect in 2012 and we'll be stuck with our old plan, left to fight this battle another day.

Bon Travail!

Things are finally starting to make sense with our lives here in Anchorage. My job is in full swing and I'm really learning a lot. This week I even took on a very in-depth and challenging task and finished it on time and, I think, did a really good job. I get the sense that I'm making a pretty good impression on my judges and I still have another year to continue meeting people and learning about the legal system in Alaska. After the New Year I want to focus on meeting private sector attorneys and maybe even investigating some in-house counsel or business contacts. I like to keep my options open.

But this post isn't about me, it's about Leigh. Two years ago Leigh was laid off from her non-profit job in Buffalo. I suspect some unfair treatment, but the most certain thing we know is that the economy took a hit and her position was no longer funded. She didn't do anything wrong to deserve losing her job, it just happened. At the same time a lot of people in Buffalo were losing their jobs, so it wasn't like she could just easily find another one. Over the next two years she sometimes went months without working, then did some traveling with me, then temped doing everything from working in a greenhouse in Virginia to working for my grandparents' farm in Washington. Since coming to Anchorage she has been pleased to find there is a lot of fair-paying temp work available and she has been working pretty much since we got here.

Last week she had two job interviews, one at a local university and one at a major accounting firm. Yesterday she found out she was hired at the accounting firm! What a victory! After such a long time of being stressed over how she/we will make our bills 3 or 6 months in the future, Leigh has finally been rewarded with a real, permanent job that will challenge her and allow her to grow. She will be working with their tax processing team, assisting their accountants in preparing client taxes. Leigh has always loved maths and number games and in this job she gets to lord over her own database. I think her inner nerd has fully emerged from its hiding place! The best part is that the company she works for now is a Big Four accounting firm, so the perks are really something. Also, her new office building will be about 4 blocks south of the courthouse, so we can start having coffee and lunch dates throughout the week, not to mention using about 1/3 to 1/2 as much gas as we use now for our daily commute.

I'm so proud of her and so happy for her to have this opportunity. We haven't taken the nursing degree plan off the table yet, but we are allowing for more flexibility where that is concerned. If Leigh likes being an accountant then she may want to pursue this as a career instead of getting another degree. In Alaska someone with a bachelor's degree in a subject other than accounting can sit for the CPA exam if they have supervised accounting work experience for one year OR if they take 15 credits in accounting courses. So maybe this time next year I'll be blogging about Leigh taking the CPA exam or maybe about her signing up for nursing pre-req courses or maybe both?!

Yesterday after work we celebrated our small victory against the world by attending a UAA hockey game. The tickets were FREE through a university promotion. The Seawolves lost 4 to 3, but it was a fun outing. Today we have a long list of errands and are determined to hit the gym sometime, but we plan to continue our celebrations by having brunch at our favorite downtown restaurant, Snow City Cafe. I've also promised Leigh some baked goods this weekend. I'm thinking "Cornish" pasties and maybe some cookies to get us through the week.

OK, now my tummy is growling. I think I'll shower and usher us out the door toward our breakfasts!

The Science Behind Motivation

...and why a ROWE mentality is better than a traditional mentality.



Bottom line:

• Money will only motivate us enough to do rudimentary work (i.e. flipping burgers and filing papers)
• Giving people autonomy, mastery of skills, and purpose in their work leads to better results
• A business that focuses only on profits and not on people will make profits but will not have the most talented, loyal workers. These businesses will also be less innovative and, theorhetically, their success will not be as long-lasting as businesses that do promote innovative thinking.
• Lesson: Pay a fair wage and give people the freedom to be adults, make their own choices, and be creative with their work and lives and both the person and the business will thrive.

Thoughts on Work and Time

This is my first year working full time in a normal, adult job. Before now I was either a full time student, a part time employee, an intern or an English teacher (with part-time hours and full benefits). Adjusting to this new American work lifestyle is difficult for me. Not because I'm lazy or dont' like to work, quite the contrary, but because it feels so unnatural sometimes.

Who ever decided a group of people needed to be present in the same set of offices during the same hours every day to get things done? Who determined that this was the best way for businesses to turn a profit or for projects to reach their culmation? Maybe in the days of typewriters and couriers it made sense, but today it just doesn't.

I read a lot about the ROWE (results-only work environment) movement over the last two days and I'm fascinated, to say the least. The concept is that a business or department can strip away all time and space-related constraints around the working day and evaluate employees simply based on their output. Not only does it provide employees with 100% freedom as to where, how, and when they do their work (employees don't even keep time cards unless they are non-exempt), but it also makes glaringly obvious if an employee is just really good at "looking busy." Productive employees are expected to do the exact same amount of work to earn their same salaries, productivity tends to soar and managers have no right to ask employees how they spend their time (to avoid judgments or "sludge"). Further, "dead weight" employees can be identified and fired to be replaced by more motivated, talented employees. It creates happiness, flexibility and loyalty.

Sounds great, right?! At first I wasn't sure, then I thought through some scenarios and found that ROWE would work with any kind of job I might want in my career. In business you focus on a deal or a project for a long time before its final. Who cares if you work from 8pm to 4am or intermittently? Who cares if you work from your office, your home or your vacation spot? Meetings can, and often are, held online or over the phone. In law, even in the land of billable hours, does it really matter where you bill your hours from? We don't use statute books anymore (ever heard of Westlaw?), and documents are scanned and sent electronically anyway. There's no need for a partner to leave a file on your desk when you can access all files via intranet.

Then I started thinking about my own productivity. In my current job I am given a file, I work through the file over time (sometimes this takes 20 minutes, sometimes 2 weeks), taking frequent breaks to account for lack of attention span, and eventually come up with a final product. When I don't have a file I don't produce anything but I still have to be in my office. Granted, my situation is different because I directly assist the judges, but theorhetically I could work from home, receive assignments via email, conference with judges over the phone or in person (if needed), access files via intranet and submit memos and orders via Internet. I honestly dont' think this is best for the Court System because we're a bit archaic, but it could work and would certainly be a more valuable use of everyone's time rather than waiting around for assignments after having finished something.

Looking back on my days as a student the concept is all too clear. As a student I worked for myself. I paid money for the opportunity to learn so I took that opportunity to the extreme. Not only did I attend classes but I also volunteered my time, wrote and edited journal articles, argued for Moot Court, etc. It was like having two full-time jobs, but I managed to fit all my tasks neatly into a given week and still had time for something resembling a personal life. I worked this hard because I wanted to. I produced results because I benefitted from them and, aside from attending lectures, nobody was telling me when to study, where to study, or how long to study. I decided how to use my time because I'm an adult with a goal.

What's the difference now? Am I less of an adult now that I'm in the workforce? Am I less able to manage my time and efforts?

Hardly.

So this gets me thinking, I don't believe I will be able to find a flexible job/ROWE employer in the next five years. Luckily I'm young and able to tolerate these infringements on my life more now than in 5 or 10 years when I might have kids or other complications in my life. So I'm willing to work my ass off stuffed in an office with other people for a few years.

However, I would soon like to live the ROWE lifestyle. Remember my dream of going to grad school in France? I'd really love to drop down to part time at my job while attending school in France and do my professional work in between homework assignments. As long as I meet the deadline and produce high quality work, who cares if I study European business during the day?! Remember me talking about getting a house in Mexico? I'd like to take my work with me to Mexico, hang out in my house for weeks at a time and return to my office if I need to deal with something in person.

As the months go by since becoming a "professional" in this American work culture my ideal lifestyle slowly becomes clearer. It may seem demanding and even complicated, but the bottom line is this: I want flexibility. I want experiences. I want to work hard at something interesting and earn a fair living without giving up my reason for living. In sum, I want options.

It's Survey Time

....because I've hit a lull in my day...

How old will you be in five years?
I'll be 30....wow, 30?!?! Holy Crap!
Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
I spend most of my day with either Leigh (my spouse) or Nicole (my office mate).
What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
I have Christmas Day and New Year's off from work, but otherwise things will stay very normal. Also, starting Dec 20 the days will start getting longer, which is thrilling! I'm also looking forward to catching up on some bills and resting a bit easier after the New Year.
What's the last movie you saw?
The Girl Who Played with Fire, in Swedish with English subtitles. It was really good! I've finished the book trilogy now so I'm waiting to see the final movie installment.
Do you prefer to call or text? Text
What were you doing at 12am last night?
Sleeping, duh!
Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Divorced, thanks for asking.
When is the last time you saw your mom? About 2 years ago.
What color are your eyes? Green.
What are you wearing right now? Green sweater and rose colored khakis. Stylin'!
What is your favorite christmas song? I'm not really big on Christmas music, kind of a Scrouge, actually.
Where is your favorite place to be? On holiday somewhere exciting :-)
Where is your least favorite place to be? It's a toss-up between the doctor's office and the DMV.
Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? Geeze, who knows?! Hopefully either someplace warm or in Europe (or both!).
What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Vampires
What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Leigh dancing in the living room (she intentionally looked ridiculous, so it was OK to laugh)
How many pillows do you sleep with? 2+
What do you like about fall? pretty colors and nice temperatures
What do you like about winter? having an excuse to curl up with a blanket and a book, also hot tea and hot chocolate
What do you like about the summer? Great weather, beach trips, traveling
What do you like about spring? The snow melts and the sun comes out, usually just in the nick of time.
What states have you lived in? Alaska, Virginia, Washington, New York, Washington, DC and Cote d'Azur, France
What was the last thing you ate? Ham sandwich and a coke.
What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? anything but grape
Do you like Chinese food? Oh yes!
What do you drink in the morning? tea with milk
Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed? I share my bed, so yes of course

So close..so close

It's 1 hour and 30 minutes until the weekend. This week has really flown by, but only because it's been insanely busy and pretty stressful. Nothing of note has happened at all, but I'm so tired and ready for a few days to myself. Maybe I'll be productive, maybe I'll be lazy. Who knows?! Either way, it will be epic.....

Celebrity Crushes

Normally I think it's really stupid to be hung up on a celebrity. Yes, they're technically real people but they are rarely a part of a person's life in a way that anything could happen. Plus it's kind of unfair to lust after a person while they're trying to earn a living. However, even I am not immune to this phenomenon from time to time...

Leigh started watching a new BBC show called Lip Service. It's about a small group of lesbians (only 3 main characters rather than the L Word which kept adding characters), two of their guy friends and there's a pretty heavy back story. The writing is really good, the story goes at a good pace throughout the first season and the characters are very, very relatable. I think that's my favorite part. The L Word sucked because every character was a type of person that is rare to find in any social circle (the high end art curator, the professional athlete, the writer, etc) and by the end of the show they were all rich and famous and friends with celebrities. It's pretty ridiculous. Lip Service is about really normal people with normal flaws and each character is written so that they each remind us of someone we've met or know well. So the show is very relatable.

Anyway, one character in particular has stuck with me: Sam, played by Heather Peace. Sam is a cop, smart but quiet, secure, friendly and has a subtle sense of humor. She reminds me of Leigh in a lot of ways, including how she looks. The actress is gorgeous, of course, and shares enough features with my lovely Leigh that they could be first cousins or sisters.

Luckily Leigh is pretty OK with my new-found obsession. She is pretty sure I'm not going to hop a plane to the UK, seek out Ms. Peace, steal her away from her girlfriend (yes, she's involved), and try to win her heart. I get the sense that Leigh is equal parts flattered and jealous. Flattered because at least my celebrity crush has a lot of similarities with her, so I'm not deviating from my "type" in any alarming way.

Jealous because, as an actress, Heather Peace is hot in a way that no mere mortal should ever strive to be. It's just cruel to compare yourself to someone who is genetically destined to be hotter than the rest of us throughout their lives. I understand this too, because Leigh manages to develop celebrity crushes on many a female character on television who is short, pushy, smart, ambitious, and a little bit mean.

With this description in mind, I can only assume the following ladies might be possible distractions for my Leigh:

Stephanie March as a no-nonsense lawyer

Liz Weil as Paris Geller: a pain-in-the-ass but brilliant student at Yale

Laura Fraser, who is 5'2", particularly as Cat on Lip Service. Cat is a neurotic and dorky, but lovable, architect. This one is my favorite (see below)...

...because the Lip Service production team saw the same perfection in the tall, dark, quiet and smoldering meets short, talkative, and neurotic relationship combination. Is this art imitating life? I think so. You're welcome BBC3, you're welcome....

I know that I will never be as good looking as the celebrities who capture the heart of my Leigh. I can certainly try to be as hot as my genetics will allow, but eventually reality will put a stop to my efforts. But the bottom line is that Leigh doesn't really stray from her "type" either, which is kind of nice.... even though her "type" includes some not-so-flattering personality traits... So should I take this as a compliment or a judgment on my character?

Post Turkey Day Thoughts

Our first Alaskan Thanksgiving was a success, as far as I'm concerned. Leigh and cooked at home for ourselves, just the two of us. This required us to get out of bed on a holiday at a reasonable hour. Gasp! Anyway, we made everything ourselves including a 6 lb turkey breast with stuffing, side veggies, homemade whole grain mac'n'cheese, rolls, mashed potatoes, etc. I made a chocolate eclaire cake for our dessert (Leigh's mother's recipe), which was delicious. We ate around 2pm then met a work friend for our second viewing of Harry Potter, followed by more eating and digestion in front of the TV. In all it was a fun day of food and low key entertainment.

Today I had to go into work...boo! I really miss school holidays. Now, I'm not just saying "I miss school holidays" because I remember them being nice, what I mean is I'll often get a very intense sense of sadness and then realize it's because I should be having a school holiday coming up but it's actually only one day off mid-week followed by more of my daily grind. This is proving very difficult to get used to. But at least I have a massive portion of leftover mac'n'cheese for my lunch.

Now that I'm settled into work, routine, and home here in Anchorage, there are a few things I've been realizing I need:
- a good dentist. I have insurance now and would love a cleaning
- a winter sport (maybe skiing or ice skating?)
- non-work friends. My co-workers are very nice but we dont' relaly hang out and I'd love a life away from my job. I think Leigh seconds this motion.
- gay friends. I really took this for granted in previous places where I've lived. Sometimes the gay community can be really toxic, but overall it's nice to know people with whom I have some basic things in common.
- more short term goals/things to look forward to. Right now the most exciting thing I have to look forward to isn't until April (Hawaii trip). That's a long time to wait for something....

OK, that's all. Back to work and then le weekend!!!

ugh!

Remember yesterday when I was so chipper?

Moment has passed. I hate this day. This day can end any moment now....

Wet & Rainy

Hello all! (I mean, the two or three of you who sometimes stumble upon my blog...)

I'm in a good mood today in a rare way. I have no idea why! There's certainly plenty of work to be done, I got to work really late due to frozen streets (so I waited to leave home until the air temp rose a bit and the rain hit puddles upon impact instead of turning to more ice), likely won't get tons done today because I have some odd scheduling things happening, doubtful I'll get a workout because of my late start, and I'm fairly certain my immune system is trying to ward off a nasty winter ailment. Normally I would find a day like today very, very annoying but for some reason I'm feeling downright chipper. Awesome! I suspect it may have to do with my having a yummy breakfast of Nutella toast and orange spice tea in lieu of my recent trend to oversleep and thereby forfeit my breakfast time.... hhmm...

Anyway, this is a rather short week because of the holiday, which is nice, but the weather has been pretty testing with ice everywhere making for stressful commutes. Leigh and I are planning to cook a small traditional dinner on Thursday, nothing fancy but enough for making leftover sandwiches in the following days. We're also going to take in our second viewing of the new Harry Potter movie (which is awesome, by the way, really leaves nothing out and the performances are top notch). Friday it's back to work as usual then four weeks of normal work until Christmas...ugh! It's this grueling schedule (yeah, I know, most lawyers work twice as many hours as I do) that makes me miss France an awful lot..... Oh well, c'est la vie americaine....

Leigh and I have been talking more about taking a trip to Asia after my clerkship. For a while I thought I'd run off to Europe for a few months, but it just isn't practical because Leigh has to start her coursework around the same time. It seems to make more sense to go to SE Asia for about 4 weeks, hit the highlights of Vietnam and Thailand then come home and get back to work. It's this kind of responsible thinking that makes me realize that the party is over and I really am a grown-up now! Bummer! Good news is I'm devising a plan to only have to be a real grownup for about 5 years or so, after which I should have the professional and financial freedom to take sabbatical/relax a bit or do something alternative with my career so I can continue to have a life and really reap the benefits of my hard work.

Well, enough dreaming for today. I really do have a lot to finish up this week! Happy Thanksgiving!

House Hunters International

My new obsession is a show on HGTV called House Hunters International. Basically the show follows people as they look at properties abroad. The people have various budgets and goals, they see a series of properties (the show includes three of the properties) and then the people choose one to buy. The show even follows up on the people after they've settled in. I love it. It records on my DVR every day (the show is on all the time) and I will sit and watch a few episodes in a row most days to get my travel/real estate fix. Leigh is usually pretty annoyed when I'm watching this because she knows, if left to my own devices, I will sit and watch this show all day long.

Lately the show has been featuring a lot of warm places like Costa Rica and Carribean islands. The Costa Rica shows have reminded me how much I loved it there and now I'm promising to take Leigh on vacation to CR sometime in the next few years. She'd love the scenery, beaches, whitewater rafting and hiking around the volcanoes. But last night there was an episode about a gay couple buying a house in Merida, Yucatan, Mexico. In 2006 Leigh and I took our first trip abroad together to Merida and then spent a few days on the Gulf Coast in Progreso, Mexico. It was a really fun trip. We knew Mexico was an affordable vacation spot for Americans, but until last night we didn't realize how affordable. The couple on the show bought an amazing large home with a gorgeous pool for just over $200,000 US. Needless to say this got us thinking...

Before being reminded of how great a time we had in Merida, we were talking about one day owning a beach house in South or Central America or maybe even buying an old stone house in Greece and fixing it up. Leigh wasnt' too thrilled about the Greece idea, but I thought it sounded really fun!

Anyway, now we've both agreed that our vacation home will be in Merida. For $150,000-$200,000 we can own a spacious 2 or 3 bedroom home with a courtyard, fountain and pool in a lovely colonial neighborhood, near markets and restaurants. It's an amazing city with old colonial homes and buildings, it's incredibly safe and not overcrowded at all. The city is home to universities, ex-pats, and traditional families. It's also known for the direct, white sunlight it receives year round and is only 35 minutes from the Gulf Coast and about 3 hours from the Carribean Coast. Merida is in the heart of the Puuc Route, a driving route that allows one to visit a series of Mayan Ruins. Basically, it's a safe, fun, cheap city near beautiful beaches. What more could we want?!


But dont' think for a second I've ruled out Europe. I still want to study International Business Management in France. I'd love to own an apartment in Berlin. It's an interesting city with lots of history, a great cultural scene complete with operas, art galleries, etc, home to Humboldt University, and many multinational companies and firms are now based out of Berlin. Anyway, if I happened to one day have a job that takes me to Berlin it would be a great place to own an apartment. Right now a very nice one or two bedroom apartment can be purchased in the heart of Berlin for under $100,000 US. If willing to live a bit outside the city or get a simpler place, apartments are sold in the city for as little as $55,000 US! This is unheard of in Europe!


Of course, I'll always be an American, so it's very likely my work will be in the US and I'll continue to travel often. So buying property in whatever city I lay down roots is of course an option too. However, if given half a chance I'd like for us to have a warm weather place in Merida, where we can drive to Mayan ruins and beaches for a little day journey, and a European apartment to immerse ourselves in the cultures we have come to really appreciate.

But for now, I have to get my career started from the bottom to have any hope of such dreams becoming reality. So back to work!

Why do I always feel broke?

Without a doubt, I have a higher income now than ever before in my life. Plus Leigh and I have finally started pooling all of our money, so our annual income went from almost $0 last year (I earned some euros in France but promptly spent it all on traveling, food, wine, and rent) to more than $50,000 together (I'm not going to say how much more than that for privacy issues and because the actual amount is a little bit fuzzy since Leigh works as a temp right now and might be doing something else sooonish). But then you must consider that we're both paying student loans now, ouch! Plus we have higher bills here in Alaska than ever before, double ouch! And since we're now working adults we find ourselves wanting to do things that cost more money, like taking a vacation in Hawaii. When we lived in the Lower 48 we could just hop in the car and go for a driving vacation. Now we have to fly to leave the state and driving holidays are more of a spring/summer thing. Anyway, life has gotten expensive and complicated and we're doing our best to deal with it.

Right now our goals are to pay off most of our credit cards, leaving only my airline card for daily use, and pay off the car and as many loans as possible within the next two years. By the time Leigh starts her RN program full time we should have a much simpler list of monthly bills. This all sounds great, but for now it's proving very challenging. For example, I scheduled to pay off my Ann Taylor credit card (which I used to purchase my "lawyer clothes" this summer), then did Leigh's Christmas shopping, so now we're basically broke until I get paid again. I hate this! I go to work, live modestly and still feel broke all the time.

Anyway, we'll be fine, it's just going to be a challenging 2 years. We can do it. We can do it! For now I wouldn't object to additional income. Maybe I'll look into something I can do from home like technical writing. I dunno. I was going to write a scholarly article about timber reform laws, but then I thought better of it. It would be a bad idea to write an opinionated article about something so pertinent to Alaskan law and politics while working for the Court System. I have a feeling that, if published, this would only lead to trouble for me. So I think I'll save my writing for after my clerkships are finished.

In other news, Leigh and I have both been kind of sick lately. It's no fun being in our house! I hope this passes soon so we can go back to our normal selves and eventually find ways to enjoy this crazy cold weather. I'm ready for skiing and ice skating weather so it doesn't seem like it's just cold for no good reason.

OK, I should do my job now...

Life Requires Three Days Off Per Week

As a school teacher in France I worked Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. THREE DAYS! After a few months I started working Wednesday afternoons too, but as a tutor, and these hours were flexible. I also got to visit my tutoring pupils at their home in Nice every Wednesday, which was a great excuse to visit a much larger city than Antibes. I'd do some shopping, walk or lay on the beach or grab a kebab sandwich.

Now that I work full time I barely find the time or energy for laundry and reading at the end of the day. In fact, I've been trying to read more and find myself drifting off to sleep instead. I watch a lot of TV, daydream about winter being over, etc. That's my life. On Saturdays I'm so relieved to not be busy that I sleep really late then hang out in my PJs. Sometimes I run errands and these last two Saturdays I've gone to the gym for short workouts.

Last week I had Thursday off for Veteran's Day. A huge perk of working for the State. So basically I turned Thursday into a typical Saturday. I did absolutely NOTHING. I slept in, read a little, watched a lot of TV, hung out around the house. That's it. I don't even think I put on real clothes all day.

So when Saturday rolled around I actually had some energy and motivation! At 10am I met with a nice group of ladies to speak French. We had coffee and chatted for nearly 2 hours. Then I went to the gym for about an hour and returned home to find Leigh dressed and waiting for me. She wanted to get out for a few hours, so we went to Tidal Wave books and did some browsing and Christmas shopping. Then we hit up Target and went home, cleaned the apartment and cooked an amazing dinner. Leigh handled the dinner preparations (scallops in white wine sauce, roasted purple potatoes and steamed asparagus) while I baked a small batch of cookies. It was amazing! We haven't had such a nice, productive, not rushed Saturday since moving here.

Sunday was another lazy day with laundry, reading, etc but then we had a friend over to watch a special on PBS and eat dinner, which was nice. It was still tough when Monday morning rolled around, but at least I don't feel like I was just here 5 minutes ago! Just goes to show that life requires three days off per week. Whether it's three day weekends or a random day off mid-week, it's really necessary to have a day to recover from your work and two days to enjoy yourself. Even a half day in the mid-week would be great. Imagine going to work Wednesday morning knowing you were free to use your afternoon for errands or whatever without penalty? That would leave Saturdays for fun and Sundays for fun or just preparing for the coming week. I know this makes me less American to say, but sometimes the French really know what they're doing....

Awful, awful morning

When I first started my job with the state I was thrilled to find out that Leigh could get health benefits through my job if we filed as domestic partners with HR/Retirement Benefits. I was less thrilled to find out that our Canadian marriage license would not suffice as proof that we are more than "just friends" and therefore eligible. Instead we had to get five pieces of evidence of our relationship. This includes a bank statement, power of attorney, a lease or jointly owned property, etc. A lot of the things listed as acceptable evidence were things we just don't have like stock/bonds, etc. We do have a car that we pay toward together, but while I was in France my dad had it titled in Virginia under his name so he could manage the payments. Therefore there was no record of us owning the car together. So we decided to retitle the car in Alaska and have Leigh's name added along with mine and my dad's names.

Seems simple, right?

Well after weeks of coming up with a game plan with the credit union to whom we make car payments, and phone calls to the DMV helpline making sure I had all the correct documents, I went to the DMV the moment it opened today hoping for the best. Then I met Alice D.

Alice D. works one of the 20 counters at the newest Anchorage DMV. She is in her mid to late 40's, has dyed red hair, wears loudly colored tops and weighs about 350 pounds. Getting up and down from her elevated office chair takes a few minutes and, apparrently, a great deal of skill. Her belly hangs down under her stretch pants and bobs up and down on her knees when she walks and she is responsible enough to direct all possible questions to her supervisor, which is great because the woman can barely read. This is the person to whom the State of Alaska wants me to entrust the paperwork to my greatest asset: my $15,000 car.

When I first approached Alice D. I explained that I needed to retitle my car in Alaska and add a name to the title. This baffled her, which of course was my fault so she became a bit angry. Taking solace in a few slurps of her frozen coffee with whipped cream she decided to help me anyway. For the next HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES Alice D. typed on her computer, complained that my issue was very complicated, complained that the paperwork didn't make sense, became irritated when she could not read mine or my father's names properly off the original Virginia title, and said she might have to "hand me off" because she was so overdue on her 9:00am break. The DMV opens at 8:30am.

When I asked questions she cut me off mid-sentence, said she would help me if I would just let her "do her job" and made up several excuses why she couldn't handle my requests. I was particularly touched by the way she tossed my very important papers around her cluttered, filthy desk. Surely she is responsible and intelligent enough to remember to file my lein properly and mail the title back to the credit union. I should just trust her, right?

At nearly 10:00am (I waited in line outside for the 8:30am opening), Alice D. produced my new title and even made me a copy of it for my insurance records. Success! Until I got to my car and realized that she had assumed I was too stupid to spell my spouse's first name correctly and thoughtly provided the name with an additional "s" to spell "Jessica" rather than "Jesica" (the second spelling is, in fact, her legal first name!). I was already nearly 2 hours late for work and moment away from a 5 o'clock news-worthy emotional breakdown, so I decided to hope for the best that the extra "s" wouldn't cause any hang-ups later.

The piece de resistance, however, was just as I was pulling out of the parking lot. In my driver's side mirror I see Alice D. wobbling toward my car and knock on my window. I roll down my window and she says, "did you walk away with the DMV copy of your new registration because I can't find it!" I look through my papers but it's not there, I only have what I'm supposed to have. Undoubtedly my registration is acting as a coaster for her frozen coffee on her desk. "Oh well," she says, "if you find it please bring it back to us!"

So now I just have to hope that everything is eventually filed correctly and one day I'm not pulled over for stealing my own car. I also have to hope that an extra letter in my spouse's name on a piece of paper typed up by a moron who may or may not have managed to finish high school wont' keep us from both having health insurance for the first time in our relationship. Such is life, I guess, but today I am officially hating life.

More Winter Blues...

The past two days have been emotionally very difficult. Nothing in particular has happened, but for some reason I have been getting out of bed in the morning feeling defeated and the rest of my day has followed suit. Things are fine at home and at work, no catastrophes have come about, but the little things are really starting to get to me.

Yesterday I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. After my bike needed repairs and before I joined the gym there was nearly a two week period where I didn't get any exercise. So I wasn't too surprised yesterday when I weighed 1.5 lbs more than the last time I weighed myself. However, I was surprised this morning when I weighed ANOTHER 1.5 lbs more than yesterday! That's a tough way to start the day. In fact, my current weight is only a little lower than it was when I had my mandatory health exam in France and the nurse so kindly pointed out, "YOU NEED.... TO BE.... MORE THIN!"

Fabulous. I'm working my ass off (literally, this morning my ass is so sore I can't tell you, and my quads are so tired I can barely control my legs while walking downstairs) every day to no avail. Yeah, I took a break but I didn't eat my weight in pizza or anything like that! Meanwhile, aside from some small slip-ups, I eat very healthily and I even keep track of my calories on my phone. Every day I've been running a calorie deficit (eating less than I burn) and still my progress is minor at best and typically non-existent. It's defeating and frustrating and makes me feel like I'm not in control of my own health.

Otherwise, I'm still coming to terms with the whole "stuck in Anchorage forever" feeling I'm getting. The combination of lack of funds and bad weather means I'm probably not going anywhere until March or so. On top of that Leigh is going home for Christmas for 4 days (per her family's insistence), leaving me to myself for that time. I guess it's OK to have some alone time, but altogether the situation really sucks.

THEN yesterday I found out my bar dues for 2011 would be $120 MORE than I had aniticipated. Last year dues were $500, which is pretty steep by any measure, this year it's $620!!! The reasons cited by the Alaska Bar Association are lame and selfish, mostly saying there aren't enough lawyers in Alaska to fund everything the Bar Association does every year and that the Board of Governors couldn't agree on any "fat" to trim in their budget. Well, when the "fat" consists of their perks and salaries I can imagine it would be difficult to come to a consensus! Last year the Bar had an operating budget in excess of $1.6 million (that's just counting bar fees from the nearly 3,200 members), so I'd love to see an expense report to know where our money goes. One thing is for sure, the Bar Association has a very nice office suite in downtown Anchorage and their office staff is paid very well (I saw an ad for their CLE coordinator in the newspaper, the job requires administrative experience ONLY and pays $42,000 per year! So in January I will pay nearly 1/4 of my income for the month to a mandatory professional governing body so that someone with less than half my education and experience can earn nearly the same salary I do as a law clerk with a JD?).

OK, rant over, but believe me this little tidbit of information isn't helping my mood. I was already stressed about how to pay my dues in January and had decided to petition my relatives to make small contributions as my Christmas gifts to help me chip away at the amount. Now it will be an even bigger challenge.

Those are probably the major issues on my mind these days. I'm really stuck in a funk. I want to enjoy my daily life, my job, my time at home and my hobbies but all I can think about are the things that keep me down. Hopefully I will experience at least a small victory very soon to set me back on track because, as we all know, nobody likes a buzz-kill.

Travel, or lack thereof

This time tomorrow I'll be saying, "tomorrow I get to sleep in!" because Thursday is Veteran's Day so I don't have to work. YAY! I love random holidays that don't lead to my using my days off for holiday stuff. It's pretty nice.

I'll be getting a lot of holiday/free days this year though, because I can't go home for Christmas this year. During the summer I could have bought my ticket home for around $600 per person, but I wasn't sure about how asking for time off would work at my new job. So I waited. Then by the time I started my job and had some free money the tickets had shot up to $900 per person. This was simply not a possibility anymore. Leigh and I resigned ourselves to staying in Anchorage for Christmas, cooking a small dinner, doing presents and maybe spending time with friends. I was OK with this because I figured it would be relaxing and I could bank my PTO days for another trip (like Hawaii in April, in fact, this turn of events is WHY we decided to go to Hawaii).

Then this weekend Leigh's grandmother called and insisted that she go to Virginia for Christmas, even if it was just for 4 days. So Leigh's grandmother bought her a ticket to Virginia for about $750 so she can go home from Dec 25 to 29. She'll be back in time for our New Year's plans, which include a concert at the Bear's Tooth. I can't afford to go home at all at this point because we already committed our money to the Hawaii trip and Christmas travel is just too expensive at this point. Oh well, I'll be alone for part of the holiday but it's not the end of the world.
However, this entire situation has made me rethink my plans for next year. Initially I thought we'd just go to Virginia, but since I'm missing out this year I don't want to spend a bunch of my time off just hanging out at various parents' houses and eating a lot.

So instead I've decided we're going to do it up right next year: not only will I go back East for Christmas, but I will hit up Virginia and Florida. Leigh is basically mandated to be in Virginia for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and my parents live three hours from her family, but I really want to spend some time at my brother's house in Florida visiting with his family AND taking a side trip to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I've had my heart set on going there since I heard it was in the works and now I'm finally making it a priority to 1) see most of my family for the holidays and 2) take the time, travel, and money to go to this magical place I have only heard about in stories (literally)!

So exciting! Too bad it's still a year away....

Winter is Here

This morning we woke up to about 6 inches of newly accummulated, white fluffy snow! Unfortunately this means the roads were pretty slippery, but still better for driving than black ice.
From what I understand it'll snow pretty heavily for this month and then it'll get so incredibly cold that the snow will stop falling, but what we have now will remain on the ground. I think I can live with that, assuming the city can get the roads cleared a good deal for safe driving....

Otherwise, the city looks really pretty and impressive with so much snow and icy bits floating on the water in the inlet and the lagoons. Happy Winter!

Small Town

I don't know why this came to mind, but it did and I wanted to share it:

About two weeks ago I was riding the elevator from the courthouse basement to the 3rd floor to meet with a judge. I was wearing khakis (it was a Friday) and a sweater and my cute half-boot cowboy boots. My outfit didn't exactly scream "straight girl" but it wasn't overly butch either. Anyway, at some point a male court employee got on the elevator. He was dressed in the work-casual attire of someone who works behind the scenes in the courthouse. He was also pushing a hand-truck with a box full of inter-departmental mail loaded on it.

This young man takes a look at me and starts chatting with me with the typical, "are you new?" "when did you start?" and "what is your job title?" type questions. Very friendly, in fact it made me a smidge nervous. Maybe too friendly? I started to worry because usually when men give me this much attention it's because they're hitting on me, they pretend they just want to be friends and ask for my number and next thing I know I can't shake them. Note that this doesn't happen too terribly often, but often enough that I have learned the warning signs and dread such attention.

Just as these alarm bells are going off in my head the guy says, "what's your name?" I reply, "I'm Emily." He then extends his hand to shake mine, limp-wristed, his posture softens and he cocks his hip to one side and says, "Hi, I'm [So-and-so]."

Apparrently the Alaskan gays have gay-dar scramblers. This guy had all the signals completely turned off until he was ready to establish true contact and then, voila, the needle on my gay-dar shoots over into the pink zone and I'm saved! This situation started as a nerve-wracking situation where I imagined myself trying to avoid some guy who finds me at least mildly attractive in the smallest legal community in the US, maybe even the WORLD, while working in the same building complex. Luckily it ended with a subtle acknowledgment that I am not, in fact, the only non-straight person working for the Court System.

FRIDAY!

This week really flew by! I can't be happier it's Friday though, because I worked pretty hard this weekend and could use some down time. On Tuesday, after a disasterous attempt to ride my bike in the snow, I joined the Captain Cook Hotel's gym here in Anchorage. The rate is reduced for me because I work at the Courthouse (awesome) and I get credit for the restaurants in the Captain Cook Hotel. I've used the facilities every day so far this week and am trying out the different classes. I've found that spinning classes are really hard but a great way to get a lot of exercise in just one hour and the teachers are awesome. I also learned that west coast yoga (crunchy, granola, borderline religious in nature) is totally different from east coast yoga (compact, serious workouts on a strict schedule that leave you shaky and sweaty). My pilates class last night was too easy because the other students were older and rickety, but the teacher promised if I come back she'll make sure it's challenging for me. I really like the high level of customer service at this place, including the staff trying to remember me by name. I've never been so well cared for before!

This morning I even tested out my food and beverage credit by enjoying a yummy blueberry muffin and a cup of coffee at the Whaletail coffee bar. It was pretty nice to order my breakfast and not have to worry about paying for it!

Well, speaking of gyms I'm doing a lunchtime working in 10 minutes. It's the only way to combat the free food that comes into the courthouse every day!

Thoughts on Enjoyment

When I was a child I always saved the best for last. I think this is because of my family. For example, we always took our summer vacation during the very last week of summer before school started up again in late August. The idea behind this was that we would have something to look forward to all summer rather than taking our beach vacation in June and then just hanging around the house for 2 months. Good idea, but I think it planted the wrong message in my mind.

As a result, I have countless memories of saving my favorite foods for last in my meals, postponing buying something I had saved for so I could put off my enjoyment until a more convenient time, etc. I would also save my favorite clothes for later in the week and put off socializing and fun events until my work was done. These are all good qualities in a hard-working person, but often times I would miss opportunities to have fun and enjoy myself.

When I was living in France, and generally since growing up a little bit, I've found that, more often than not, opportunities for enjoyment catch you by surprise. You can't always plan for them and you can't always schedule them in. So lately I've been trying to give myself permission to capitalize on these opportunities. Instead of leaving my favorite food for last, I'll indulge every so often. Eating your favorite foods improves your mood, which helps with productivity. Likewise, being social or allowing myself times to goof off instead of always being serious is important too. Nobody can just sit down and do serious work all the time while saving their "reward" for later. The human mind and spirit needs variety and stimulation.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it's OK to be less "hard-working" and focus more on pleasure, because having pleasure in your life makes you more productive and more able to enjoy this human experience. The real challenge is opening yourself up to these moments of enjoyment, being able to recognize them, and giving yourself permission to indulge.

Feeling Blue... or White?

Today we got our first big snow in Anchorage. I woke up to 4-6 inches of fluffy white snow. Feeling brave, I decided to bike to work anyway using my all season bike tires. All season my ass! Of course I only made it out of the parking lot before realizing there was no way in Hell I could bike 7 miles in fluffy white, unplowed snow and still get to work on time and in one piece. Defeated, I went back up to the apartment, showered, dressed, and drove Leigh and myself to our respective offices.

I officially need studded tires, which run about $45 per tire. I have $90 that I could spend on this, but my bike is worth exactly $80. Is it logical to spend $90 upgrading an $80 bicycle? No, it isn't. What makes more sense is to buy a new bicycle for $200 or $300 then invest in some winter tires for a worthy set of wheels. However, I do NOT have anywhere near $400 to spend on a bicycle + accessories. So I'm left with a dilema- what to do?

I love riding my bike to work. I get such a sense of accomplishment! Plus, starting last week, I was really starting to see the physical benefits too. Last week I started biking straight up this ridiculously steep hill right before I get to my office. I couldnt' do that a month ago! Plus my clothes were fitting better and I felt amazing. It was looking very possible that I could reach my goal weight by next spring. Then last week my bike needed repairs, so I didn't ride all week, and yesterday I rode home from work after getting my bike back and was pretty winded when I got home. Not a good sign. This morning I feel really fat and sluggish and I hate my body, even though my clothes still fit, etc. It's all psychological at this point (and a little bit physical) but soon my fears will become reality if I don't do something.

For the past few days I've heard good talk about the athletic facilities at the Capt. Cook Hotel across from my office in the courthouse. The membership rate is reduced for court employees, members get use of a locker, gym clothes, towels, shampoo, etc plus unlimited spinning, yoga, pilates, etc classes, parking in the garage (I dont' need it because my garage is across the street) and $20 per month toward food at the hotel coffee shop and restaurants. Sounds great! It's $80 per month, which isn't bad at all, but it's another expense I have to calculate in. It's a better investment than trying to turn my "throw away" bicycle into a winter riding machine and I'll get the use of a proper locker room and showers, etc. Another benefit is that I can get tons of excercise all winter without subjecting my body to freezing temperatures and possible bicycle accidents. So I get to avoid a series of ear infections, certain bronchitis, likely laryngitis and possible broken bones and sprains (I've been slipping on ice a lot this past week!).

Leigh is really cool about this. She says I never spend money on myself and that I should do this so I can feel better. Not getting any excerise has been making me feel pretty depressed. Coupled with gray weather, this does not bode well for the long winter! Anyway, it looks like I'm not going to be a biker for a few months. Sad, but at least I have another option.

In other news, yesterday Leigh momentarily lost her mind and got a second job. She doesn't need this other job and it only pays $8.50 per hour, but she really wants it. From now on she will continue to work 8am to 5pm as a temp at a local non-profit and starting November 15 she will work from 6pm to 12am as a warehouse employee for UPS. She said she is bored with her job and doesn't get enough exercise, so she wants a job that is more fun and will make her physically tired at the end of the day. This is all well and good, but when will she sleep?! Anyway, I'm glad she got a job she wants and is excited about it, but I worry she won't get enough sleep or down time to herself. We will pretty much only see each other while commuting (because we only have one car) and on weekends. It will be a big change for us, but hopefully a good one.

Sluggish Monday

This weekend was so much fun, but this morning I feel awful!

Friday night was Date Night in the Maass-Farmer household. We went to see The Shining at midnight at the Bear Tooth Grill Pub & Theater. So much fun! Anyway, we were exhausted when we got home at 1:30 and passed out. I slept until probably 10am the next morning (Saturday) and then took an afternoon nap later that day. Feeling amazingly well-rested, I tackled the rest of my weekend complete with errands, cleaning, etc. It was great. My bathroom is now spotless and sterilized. I'm so proud of myself!

Then yesterday I started baking and pretty much didn't stop until late last night. I baked healthy pumpkin cookies, semi-healthy pumpkin cranberry scones, and unhealthy rocky mountain chip oatmeal cookies complete with a LOT of sugar. I then proceeded to eat four of said sugary cookies at 21:00 last night. Around 22:30 I decided it was time for bed, but then the sugar kicked in causing me to lay awake for a very long time. What sleep I did get was fitful and I think I even had some weird dreams.

Needless to say, I was not happy about getting up this morning! Leigh also did a few little things to set me off, which led to a fight, which led to me being even grumpier. Tough morning. I have tried to cure my sleepiness with coffee to little end. Now I can just hope to get some work done today so it's not a total loss!

The one good thing about today is that my Lola is fixed! Another clerk working at the courthouse must be an angel from Heaven because she offered up her husband's professional bike fixing skills to help me with my dilemma. He fixed it over the weekend and now I'm back to riding as of this afternoon! The best part is that, rather than charge me the exact value of my bike to fix it, he is happy to work in exchange for some high quality beer. Sounds like a fair trade to me!

Happy Tinker Day!!!

It's Tinker Day! Yay!! I won't go into a lengthy explanation, but let's just say it's fun, involves costumes, hiking, fried chicken, skits and chocolate cake! I'm celebrating tonight with another Hollins Alum here in Anchorage. So exciting!

In other news, the Alaska Bar Exam results came out and I'm happy to report that all of the law clerks who took the exam in July have passed! Congrats all around! You can actually feel the sense of relief around the courthouse. I had a very strange experience when I found out I passed last year because I was checking my email at an internet cafe in Rome. I was happy to pass not only because it was a huge relief but also because failing probably would have ruined my vacation! Anyway, so happy for all the passers and chin up to those who will take it again in February. The test isn't an indication of your intelligence or how good an attorney you are, it's just a necessary measure used to regulate the profession.

OK, off to lunch with some clerks then fried chicken tonight with new friends!

JetBlue in ANC?!

Just found out today (via a friend's post on Facebook) that JetBlue will have a new route from Long Beach, CA to Anchorage starting this summer! The airline will have daily flights between May and September for what appears to be a pretty reasonable price. Promotional fares are selling for $238 roundtrip during October, I'd imagine regular fares will be similar.

This is so awesome. Leigh and I are going to Hawaii in April for about $600 for both (using our $99 companion fare), which is pretty darn affordable if you ask me. We have also said we'd like to visit California, but airline prices tend to be closer to $600 round-trip per person for San Francisco and Los Angeles. We've also talked about visiting Leigh's sister in Las Vegas, but those tickets aren't cheap either! So this is a great option for us for a late spring/early autumn getaway to someplace warm with good shopping and lots of stuff to do.

I have a law school friend living in Long Beach who has already invited us to visit sometime. It would be nice to see her again. Plus Long Beach is only 20 minutes from LA (a place I have little to no desire to visit, though West Hollywood might be interesting...), about 4 hours from Las Vegas and only 2 hours from the Mexican border. Another cool idea would be to fly directly to Long Beach then take a quick $50 flight to San Francisco. Neither Leigh nor I have been to San Fran, which makes us bad lesbians, so this is something to consider also. This new non-stop route definitely provides some excellent vacation options for the next few years!

I want to ride my bicycle

This is Day 2 of driving to work because my bicycle needs repairs. I'm getting really depressed about it because I'm not getting enough excericse which means I feel guilty about food and my brain isn't creating enough seratonin. I really need to get my bike fixed.

I found a place here in town that will fix just the brakes for about $15. That's more reasonable than the $75 base fee for a tune-up I was quoted elsewhere. Considering the bike is only worth about $80 and I'd like a new one in about 6 months, I prefer to keep repair costs to a minimum. So my plan is to take my bike to this other shop tomorrow to have the brakes repaired and start riding again on Friday.

However, the pavement has been crazy slippery in the mornings lately, causing me some concern over my safety. For example: this morning I parked on the upper deck of the courthouse parking garage and was climbing out of my car only to completely lose my footing and wind up on the pavement! Go ahead, laugh, whatever. It hurt like hell. This was partly due to my shoes sans traction and partly due to the completely invisible nature of the ice that had built up overnight. Either way it was embarassing and hurt like hell AND made me wonder if I'll suffer a similar fate while riding my bike to work one morning, resulting in a broken arm or collar bone. That would suck.

So I'll go ahead and get my bike fixed on Thursday and get back to riding soon enough, but if I find myself sliding around too much on the thing I might have to start driving to work and making time in the evenings for fitness rides (as opposed to commuting rides). We'll see. I am told that lots of people ride their bikes to work throughout the winter here so I know it's possible, I just need to develop certain skills and possibly invest in winter equipment (i.e. snow tires, body armor, etc).

After Christmas I'm hoping some mid-range bikes will be on sale because I would love a new one. Right now my bike is about 10 years old, has had at least 2 or 3 owners, has 18 gears and no front shocks. It's a cool bike and I love riding it. I really like that the frame is a good 3 or 4 inches too big for me (according to experts) because it allows me to really stretch out when I ride. Other bikes I've owned before always made me feel hunched over and cramped, but my dear bike Lola makes me feel like I'm getting cardio while actively stretching my muscles. Pretty awesome. Unfortunately Lola is showing her age, especially in crappy weather, and I'm putting a lot of miles on her (about 75 per week), so I think she'll go into retirement soon.

Anyway, I'm going to take my lunch now then back to the grindstone.