Sometimes the bloggers I follow will write these letters. They're usually from women, probably because life is supremely difficult for teenage girls and women tend to realize how much they wish they'd known certain things when they were young. Anyway, I've been thinking about writing one for a while, so here's mine:
Dear Teenage Emily,
I know things started getting tough for you when you turned 13: our parents got divorced, our body started developing at a ridiculous rate, we stopped eating for a while, and then our mother moved us to another part of the state to live with her boyfriend who didn't want us around. All of those things sucked, but I have to be honest and tell you that it's only going to get worse for a while. Hang in there, it'll start to get better when you're 19.
The truth is that our parents getting divorced was a good thing and long overdue. Our dad was miserable. Our mom didn't love her family and wanted out, we were just too young to understand that sometimes you have to destroy something to save its best components. You'll eventually learn that our mom is very emotionally unstable, so all those awful things she says and does to us are not your fault. Other people notice it too, but it's too hard for them to say or do anything to help. The sad truth is that our limited, selfish mother will only teach us two things in life: how to be independent (because she was never there for us) and how not to treat people, especially your own kids. Just hang on tight till you get out of there and then never look back. And stick to our dad as much as you can because he's a good one.
We were cursed with a weird figure: very short, big boobs, a stalky build, and a round face. The best thing you can do for yourself is get a breast reduction (which we do at age 20, do it sooner, trust me) and learn about nutrition and exercise. I know our mom spends a lot of time putting us down for being chubby, but that's not entirely our fault either: turns out we can't properly metabolize sugar, white flour, cholesterol, and other refined foods. We don't' learn this till we're 26. So we tend to get fat easily and stay that way. Learn to eat right and exercise a ton and you'll feel a lot better about yourself. Also, when you first go to college watch your weight carefully. That turned out to be our fattest few years and they're still haunting us today. Maybe giving you a forewarning will keep us from having body dismorphia into our late 20's. Maybe not, but it's always best to try to be healthy.
Just a few tips to help you have a more satisfying adolescents: Don't follow Leigh to Longwood. I know you feel weird living with someone else's family because our mom moved away without us and I know it's really hard trying to live with our dad again after so many years apart, but stick it out and get that advanced diploma. Leigh is a good one, she'll wait for you to finish high school and she'll support your dreams throughout college and forevermore.
Graduate with your class (I know it sounds lame, but you'll appreciate it later) and just go straight to Hollins because you'll love it there and it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Minor in a foreign language. Study abroad and say fuck it about the money because our generation is going to drown in student debt no matter what we do to pinch pennies in college. After college, DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL. You're better off joining the Peace Corps or traveling as an ESL teacher for a few years or working for a non-profit doing something you love. You don't know this yet, but these things make us happy and will make us the person we really want to be. Law school won't make us happy, will put us in debt, and will ultimately disappoint us because it WILL NOT lead to a fat paycheck or even a guaranteed exciting career. If you must, go to law school later or, better yet, go to grad school in Europe where it's cheaper and we can learn other soft skills that will lead to better job prospects, in the US or abroad.
No matter what you do, hang onto Leigh. You don't know this yet but she's our best friend and will be the rock we lean on for the rest of our life. She's the one who makes us feel normal and extraordinary all at the same time. She will support our dreams, even the stupid ones, and will follow us anywhere we lead her just to see us happy. So even though things are going to be really hard sometimes (or terrible or hopeless or desperate), keep that relationship strong and you will make it to the other side a better person and you will have someone who appreciates everything you've been through because she was right there beside you the whole time.
Here's the bottom line: we are smart, resourceful, and sincere; and we dream big and make things happen for ourselves. Most of all, we are loved. You'll find later that we actually make friends pretty easily because, while we are busy feeling a little insecure and ordinary compared to the amazing people we meet, those amazing people are excited to hear our stories and get to know us better. Just keep doing your thing and you will be just fine.
Much Love,
27-Year-Old Emily
PS: When you and Leigh are in Merida, Mexico for Christmas in 2006, DO NOT follow that nice man to his family's crafts shop to buy a hammock. I know you're bad at math, but 2400 pesos is $240 and you DO NOT need a $240 hammock no matter how pretty or sturdy it is. JUST WALK AWAY.
Dear Teenage Emily,
I know things started getting tough for you when you turned 13: our parents got divorced, our body started developing at a ridiculous rate, we stopped eating for a while, and then our mother moved us to another part of the state to live with her boyfriend who didn't want us around. All of those things sucked, but I have to be honest and tell you that it's only going to get worse for a while. Hang in there, it'll start to get better when you're 19.
The truth is that our parents getting divorced was a good thing and long overdue. Our dad was miserable. Our mom didn't love her family and wanted out, we were just too young to understand that sometimes you have to destroy something to save its best components. You'll eventually learn that our mom is very emotionally unstable, so all those awful things she says and does to us are not your fault. Other people notice it too, but it's too hard for them to say or do anything to help. The sad truth is that our limited, selfish mother will only teach us two things in life: how to be independent (because she was never there for us) and how not to treat people, especially your own kids. Just hang on tight till you get out of there and then never look back. And stick to our dad as much as you can because he's a good one.
We were cursed with a weird figure: very short, big boobs, a stalky build, and a round face. The best thing you can do for yourself is get a breast reduction (which we do at age 20, do it sooner, trust me) and learn about nutrition and exercise. I know our mom spends a lot of time putting us down for being chubby, but that's not entirely our fault either: turns out we can't properly metabolize sugar, white flour, cholesterol, and other refined foods. We don't' learn this till we're 26. So we tend to get fat easily and stay that way. Learn to eat right and exercise a ton and you'll feel a lot better about yourself. Also, when you first go to college watch your weight carefully. That turned out to be our fattest few years and they're still haunting us today. Maybe giving you a forewarning will keep us from having body dismorphia into our late 20's. Maybe not, but it's always best to try to be healthy.
Just a few tips to help you have a more satisfying adolescents: Don't follow Leigh to Longwood. I know you feel weird living with someone else's family because our mom moved away without us and I know it's really hard trying to live with our dad again after so many years apart, but stick it out and get that advanced diploma. Leigh is a good one, she'll wait for you to finish high school and she'll support your dreams throughout college and forevermore.
Graduate with your class (I know it sounds lame, but you'll appreciate it later) and just go straight to Hollins because you'll love it there and it will be the best thing you've ever done for yourself. Minor in a foreign language. Study abroad and say fuck it about the money because our generation is going to drown in student debt no matter what we do to pinch pennies in college. After college, DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL. You're better off joining the Peace Corps or traveling as an ESL teacher for a few years or working for a non-profit doing something you love. You don't know this yet, but these things make us happy and will make us the person we really want to be. Law school won't make us happy, will put us in debt, and will ultimately disappoint us because it WILL NOT lead to a fat paycheck or even a guaranteed exciting career. If you must, go to law school later or, better yet, go to grad school in Europe where it's cheaper and we can learn other soft skills that will lead to better job prospects, in the US or abroad.
No matter what you do, hang onto Leigh. You don't know this yet but she's our best friend and will be the rock we lean on for the rest of our life. She's the one who makes us feel normal and extraordinary all at the same time. She will support our dreams, even the stupid ones, and will follow us anywhere we lead her just to see us happy. So even though things are going to be really hard sometimes (or terrible or hopeless or desperate), keep that relationship strong and you will make it to the other side a better person and you will have someone who appreciates everything you've been through because she was right there beside you the whole time.
Here's the bottom line: we are smart, resourceful, and sincere; and we dream big and make things happen for ourselves. Most of all, we are loved. You'll find later that we actually make friends pretty easily because, while we are busy feeling a little insecure and ordinary compared to the amazing people we meet, those amazing people are excited to hear our stories and get to know us better. Just keep doing your thing and you will be just fine.
Much Love,
27-Year-Old Emily
PS: When you and Leigh are in Merida, Mexico for Christmas in 2006, DO NOT follow that nice man to his family's crafts shop to buy a hammock. I know you're bad at math, but 2400 pesos is $240 and you DO NOT need a $240 hammock no matter how pretty or sturdy it is. JUST WALK AWAY.
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