It's been a long time since I've faced blatant discrimination because I'm gay. High School was hardly a treat, but I suspect I would have been miserable if I were straight too.
When I was 18 I worked at the Walmart Pharmacy in Farmville, VA. At one point that summer I worked 3 weeks without a day off. One day I had to pull a 12 hour shift when I was scheduled to only work 6 hours. Then my hours were cut to avoid paying me overtime. After a summer of this in addition to my (female) manager making incredibly inappropriate comments and asking me personal questions, I was fired when my supervisors figured out that Leigh wasn't just my roommate.
That really sucked. I didn't sue Walmart because Virginia has never protected employees from workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Plus I knew being part of a lawsuit would make it more difficult for me to get into law school.
Over the past 10 years Leigh and I have faced some tough situations: being rejected by religious organizations (I was once told I was welcome to join a church if I changed my lifestyle and I was not allowed to work with the youth), receiving terrible service from waiters who are grossed out that we are on a date, being required to submit sheaths of documentation of our relationship in order to rent apartments or be recognized on one another's benefits, switching doctors because we find out our existing doctor is homophobic (this usually happens while you're naked, by the way), and working for people who can't know anything about your personal life because they believe 1) gay people are not legitimate individuals 2) we are all pedophiles and 3) they couldn't possibly know a nice, intelligent person who leads a deplorable lifestyle.
We have personally experienced each of these forms of discrimination. Every one of the above experiences hurt a lot, but honestly we have it pretty good. Neither of us have ever been physically assaulted because we are homosexual. We have never been evicted. Our families still speak to us (well, mostly). But every day we are subjected to others' horrific commentary on our lives. Our most basic protections and freedoms are often used as political ammunition. Our leaders' or would-be leaders' words ignite hate and fear in members of our community. Once the election is over we have to live among these people. We must attempt to maintain our dignity and peaceful daily lives by always rising above.
Last Friday I was offered a job interview at a small firm in Anchorage focused in business law. I was surprised to hear from them, but delighted to have an opportunity to explore this potential job. All I knew about the firm was on the website. They struck me as a little bit old fashioned, but they have an interesting client list and the job description was very interesting: business transactions, litigation, and probate. Most of all, I was excited to have another iron in the fire since my clerkship is basically over this Friday.
The assistant who emailed me suggested I meet the shareholders next Monday. I am going to be out of town all next week, I said, so could we do it this week or after September 5th? No problem, the assistant says. So we set an appointment for September 5. This email exchange occurred just last Friday. Then last night around 7:00 pm I received this email from the same assistant:
"The shareholders have asked me to cancel this appointment. I will let you know if we will need to reschedule after September 5. Thank you for your interest."
No explanation. No apology for wasting my time. First, I have never, ever heard of a potential employer setting up an interview only to cancel it. If they do cancel the provide an explanation: the position is filled; we are suspending our recruiting process for the time being; the shareholders are unable to meet at that time. But this email was coldly brief without any excuse given. It left me to wonder.
Did the assistant just screw up? Maybe she meant "reschedule," not "cancel." Is it because they have a pending matter before my judge? No, that can't be it. I'm not working on that matter and, besides, it's my responsibility to clear interviews with my judge, not theirs.
So I scanned the website again and I see it: the primary shareholder, the guy whose name is on the door, is a very active member of a very large and very homophobic church in this city. I check the church's website just to make sure. Yep, they support Exodus International, a conversion therapy group (of the "attach electrodes to your genitals and shock you while forcing you to watch porn" variety). They liken homosexual behavior with alcoholism and adultery. They believe that gays have a deliberate agenda to cause businesses to collapse, the general collapse of sexual morality, and encouraging young people to experiment.This church teaches that homosexual behavior includes indoctrinating children to promulgate the lifestyle. They teach other lessons too, each more ludicrous and hurtful than the next.
Now I can't get it out of my head that they cancelled my interview because the shareholders learned that I'm gay. This is a small town, so it's very likely we know some of the same people. Or maybe the Googled me and saw that I "liked" Rachel Maddow and Tegan and Sara on my Facebook page. It doesn't really matter. The truth is that I'm happy that the general legal community knows that I'm gay. I'm perfectly comfortable with people talking about me to their friends and colleagues and my same-sex marriage being general knowledge. It saves me the trouble of coming out, or deciding whether to come out, to every person I meet. It allows me to just be myself without feeling like I'm taking a political stance every time I get to know someone a little bit.
This is my life. It just is. I'm not asking you to celebrate it with me anymore than you ask me to celebrate your straight lifestyle with you. Now let's get back to work.
But my comfort level with myself doesn't change the fact that I am so disappointed, hurt, and haunted by the very real possibility that I've lost a job interview based on my private life and, ultimately, rumors and innuendo. My first reaction was anger, then I felt worthless, then I felt like I was back in high school again.
This morning, I'm a bit relieved. I don't have to waste my time interviewing with an organization that has nothing to offer me (the benefits wouldn't include my spouse, I wouldn't get time off when the baby is born, etc). So now, between bouts of anger and shock, I'm slowly coming to terms with this reality. Prop 5 failed in Anchorage. I have no recourse. I have no protection. All I can do is work harder to focus my energies on organizations that honor me as I am, no better or worse than anyone else, and block out organizations that can't see the truth: I'm just like you.
No, actually, I'm better than you. Not because I'm gay, but because I accept you for who you are and I don't use my religion as an excuse to exclude you from a happy and prosperous life.
When I was 18 I worked at the Walmart Pharmacy in Farmville, VA. At one point that summer I worked 3 weeks without a day off. One day I had to pull a 12 hour shift when I was scheduled to only work 6 hours. Then my hours were cut to avoid paying me overtime. After a summer of this in addition to my (female) manager making incredibly inappropriate comments and asking me personal questions, I was fired when my supervisors figured out that Leigh wasn't just my roommate.
That really sucked. I didn't sue Walmart because Virginia has never protected employees from workplace discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation. Plus I knew being part of a lawsuit would make it more difficult for me to get into law school.
Over the past 10 years Leigh and I have faced some tough situations: being rejected by religious organizations (I was once told I was welcome to join a church if I changed my lifestyle and I was not allowed to work with the youth), receiving terrible service from waiters who are grossed out that we are on a date, being required to submit sheaths of documentation of our relationship in order to rent apartments or be recognized on one another's benefits, switching doctors because we find out our existing doctor is homophobic (this usually happens while you're naked, by the way), and working for people who can't know anything about your personal life because they believe 1) gay people are not legitimate individuals 2) we are all pedophiles and 3) they couldn't possibly know a nice, intelligent person who leads a deplorable lifestyle.
We have personally experienced each of these forms of discrimination. Every one of the above experiences hurt a lot, but honestly we have it pretty good. Neither of us have ever been physically assaulted because we are homosexual. We have never been evicted. Our families still speak to us (well, mostly). But every day we are subjected to others' horrific commentary on our lives. Our most basic protections and freedoms are often used as political ammunition. Our leaders' or would-be leaders' words ignite hate and fear in members of our community. Once the election is over we have to live among these people. We must attempt to maintain our dignity and peaceful daily lives by always rising above.
Last Friday I was offered a job interview at a small firm in Anchorage focused in business law. I was surprised to hear from them, but delighted to have an opportunity to explore this potential job. All I knew about the firm was on the website. They struck me as a little bit old fashioned, but they have an interesting client list and the job description was very interesting: business transactions, litigation, and probate. Most of all, I was excited to have another iron in the fire since my clerkship is basically over this Friday.
The assistant who emailed me suggested I meet the shareholders next Monday. I am going to be out of town all next week, I said, so could we do it this week or after September 5th? No problem, the assistant says. So we set an appointment for September 5. This email exchange occurred just last Friday. Then last night around 7:00 pm I received this email from the same assistant:
"The shareholders have asked me to cancel this appointment. I will let you know if we will need to reschedule after September 5. Thank you for your interest."
No explanation. No apology for wasting my time. First, I have never, ever heard of a potential employer setting up an interview only to cancel it. If they do cancel the provide an explanation: the position is filled; we are suspending our recruiting process for the time being; the shareholders are unable to meet at that time. But this email was coldly brief without any excuse given. It left me to wonder.
Did the assistant just screw up? Maybe she meant "reschedule," not "cancel." Is it because they have a pending matter before my judge? No, that can't be it. I'm not working on that matter and, besides, it's my responsibility to clear interviews with my judge, not theirs.
So I scanned the website again and I see it: the primary shareholder, the guy whose name is on the door, is a very active member of a very large and very homophobic church in this city. I check the church's website just to make sure. Yep, they support Exodus International, a conversion therapy group (of the "attach electrodes to your genitals and shock you while forcing you to watch porn" variety). They liken homosexual behavior with alcoholism and adultery. They believe that gays have a deliberate agenda to cause businesses to collapse, the general collapse of sexual morality, and encouraging young people to experiment.This church teaches that homosexual behavior includes indoctrinating children to promulgate the lifestyle. They teach other lessons too, each more ludicrous and hurtful than the next.
Now I can't get it out of my head that they cancelled my interview because the shareholders learned that I'm gay. This is a small town, so it's very likely we know some of the same people. Or maybe the Googled me and saw that I "liked" Rachel Maddow and Tegan and Sara on my Facebook page. It doesn't really matter. The truth is that I'm happy that the general legal community knows that I'm gay. I'm perfectly comfortable with people talking about me to their friends and colleagues and my same-sex marriage being general knowledge. It saves me the trouble of coming out, or deciding whether to come out, to every person I meet. It allows me to just be myself without feeling like I'm taking a political stance every time I get to know someone a little bit.
This is my life. It just is. I'm not asking you to celebrate it with me anymore than you ask me to celebrate your straight lifestyle with you. Now let's get back to work.
But my comfort level with myself doesn't change the fact that I am so disappointed, hurt, and haunted by the very real possibility that I've lost a job interview based on my private life and, ultimately, rumors and innuendo. My first reaction was anger, then I felt worthless, then I felt like I was back in high school again.
This morning, I'm a bit relieved. I don't have to waste my time interviewing with an organization that has nothing to offer me (the benefits wouldn't include my spouse, I wouldn't get time off when the baby is born, etc). So now, between bouts of anger and shock, I'm slowly coming to terms with this reality. Prop 5 failed in Anchorage. I have no recourse. I have no protection. All I can do is work harder to focus my energies on organizations that honor me as I am, no better or worse than anyone else, and block out organizations that can't see the truth: I'm just like you.
No, actually, I'm better than you. Not because I'm gay, but because I accept you for who you are and I don't use my religion as an excuse to exclude you from a happy and prosperous life.
No comments:
Post a Comment