Thursday, July 23, 2009

Final Stretch, No Enthusiasm

The bar exam is on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of next week. Tomorrow I have my final day of scheduled intensive study followed by the weekend of general study of all topics. Then first thing Tuesday morning I have to face the beast.

The past few days I've been waking up in a particularly deep "funk." I just can't seem to shake it. I think part of it is that every day I'm doing this really intensive study of subjects that I've been desperately trying to learn for two months, only to find that there is still so much that I do not know! It's so depressing! Then I start to get freaked out thinking, "what if I get this kind of essay question for this topic and don't know the answer? Then I'll get minimal points and it will bring down my whole average! Then I'd fail!!!" (seriously, that's what goes through my head). My heart starts pounding and I just keep working hoping I can learn everything or hoping (even harder) that I won't be asked that kind of a question.

The thing is that I really don't have the time or the energy to feel like this. I need to focus. I need to use these last few days to the best of my ability so that I'm as prepared and confident as possible. Confidence- another thing that goes out the window when you get really depressed like this.

I'm also not eating very well. Everything upsets my stomach and I often feel nauseous but I have to eat enough so I can keep studying. When I do eat it's usually something quick, convenient, cheap or all of the above. So not a lot of energy or "feel good" food.

I don't know what to do at this point except keep looking over my notes and flashcards and hope enough of this information sticks to get me through the test.

Well, back to work...

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