First Sunday of Lent

Today I started keeping Lent, after many, many years of barely noticing the passing of the Church calendar. As I mentioned before, I was given the idea to do something productive during Lent rather than give something up. Namely, it was suggested that I attend church every week. Great idea.

My day started off with some difficulty. I received a discouraging email from a friend in the US that basically made me feel like shit for having accomplished something recently. It was disheartening to find that, even after school when we're all working adults, sometimes your friends won't share your happiness with you. This made me sad and frustrated and then I went to church hoping to find some tranquility or peace about the situation, but this was not in the cards today.

I had every intention of taking the bus to Cannes this morning to attend Holy Trinity Anglican Church (in English), but I didn't get out of the house in time so I decided to attend Cathédrale Notre-Dame-de-la-Platea d'Antibes near the Marche Provencale in Vieille Antibes (Old Town). The service started at 11:00, so I used my extra 30 minutes or so to enjoy a sunny morning on the Ramparts. I thought this might turn out to be a great experience because Catholic services are known for nice music and I figured I would get a nice dose of the French language for once.

Boy was I wrong! Now, I should clarify that I have nothing against attending Catholic masses. In fact, I have attended many Catholic masses and have often enjoyed them as they follow a very similar pattern as Episcopal Eucharist. However, this was a different story.

The church itself, a national monument, is really ugly inside. I have never seen such unattractive statues of the Saints in my life, and to top it off there was a random mid-sized television circa 1995 propped up on a bureau along the left-hand wall. The church did not have pews, but instead these weird connected chairs with either too little or too much legroom and no kneelers. The Cathedral is pretty big, so obviously the Priest and readers will use a microphone system. Unfortunately, seeing as this is technology challenged France, the speakers were crackly most of the time so they didn't do a lot of good.

Before the mass began several people lit votive candles, which is normal, but one woman walked from statute to statue holding the hands of the Saints and praying to them fervently. Part of me wanted to remind her that these statues are not the Saints themselves, they're just figures to decorate the church. In fact, I think there's a little note about worshipping false idols in the Ten Commandments... Needless to say, this made me a tiny bit uncomfortable, but I think I'm a bit overly concerned with the use of icons and such because they just strike me as strange if used for anything more than religious art or symbolism.

I am soooooo Protestant...

Anyway, the other major thing that annoyed me was the talking and disruption. Just before the service I was sitting alone in an aisle trying to pray and focus. This was impossible because small groups of women kept stopping near me and gossiping at a normal speaking volume. Excuse me, this is church, people are here to find tranquility for goodness sake! Also, portable phones and side conversations were normal and audible throughout the mass itself. I don't think anyone was there to actually pray or worship, they seemed to just be checking a mass off on their list of weekly errands. Maybe I am judging these people too harshly, but I could not help but be astonished that they had bothered to come to mass at all.

During the processional about 6 or 7 senior citizens walked down the aisle first holding the French flag, then they stood at the altar throughout the entire service periodically bowing the flags toward the candles and cross. I found this to be bizarre because, in my view, when thinking of God I feel that my nationality is more or less irrelevant. Apparently the French disagree with this sentiment. At one point one flag was hovering dangerously close to a lit candle and I secretly hoped it would catch fire just for a laugh. I would never actually want a country's flag to burn, but it would at least have been a funny story.

About an hour into mass, when people were lining up for Communion (which I don't think I'm allowed to receive in a Catholic church) I decided to bail out on the rest of the service. I figured I'd made a solid effort including getting dressed and out the door and even praying a bit in spite of the many, many distractions.

I think Taize has spoiled me completely. After years away from church I spent a concentrated week around people who took a week off to pray and commune with other spiritual people. Every prayer service felt special and sacred and people were so respectful of each other's spiritual needs, silence, and space. I need to shift gears now and learn to pray in the real world or else it's going to be a tough road for me.

Next week I will wake up an hour earlier and go to Cannes for a service in English and hopefully will find it more tranquil.