Ne Quittez Pas

It means "hold the line" or "don't hang up," but it also literally translates to "don't quit." I don't know why that phrase has been in my head off and on today, but I like it. It's quick, easy to say, and sounds interesting on the phone.

It's also good to remind me to not get too relaxed even though I have the next several months of my life planned out nearly down to the hour. The remaining time I spend in Europe is more or less planned out, I've even bought plane tickets and train tickets. Of course, some things are just not practical to plan this far in advance so I haven't, but when I was riding the train home from Taize on Sunday night I realized that I may have over scheduled myself a bit, leaving little to no room for improvisation.

I spent last week on retreat at Taize. Without fear of exaggeration, it was one of the more significant experiences of my life. Taize was full of firsts for me. It was the first time I went away on retreat where the sponsoring church did not assume everyone was from the same religious background or denomination. It was my first retreat that was truly on the honor system and where adults are treated as true adults. It was the first time I had been given the license, even the encouragement, to spend time being quiet and reflecting on my life and goals. It was the first time since childhood that I felt completely comfortable being myself amongst strangers in a Christian environment and left feeling loved and accepted.

In addition to having time to reflect, relax, and recuperate after so many years of feeling exiled by the Christian community, I also made some amazing friends. It seems like we all went to Taize hoping to reconnect with God and to build our extended families more, because that's exactly what we did. By the end of the week everyone between the ages of 20 and 29 (I was the second oldest person in our program and the only American) had become fast friends, sharing meals and work, exchanging life experiences, gently teasing one another and creating inside jokes, and exchanging emails at the end with promises to stay in touch and visit in the future.

Anyway, back to reality: After a week away reflecting on things and slowing down I was a tiny bit upset with myself for using so much effort to keep myself planned and occupied until I go home in May. What's so wrong with taking things week to week and giving more consideration to ideas before putting them into action?

Wow, Europe has really changed me. Six months ago I would be really anxious with the state of my daily life, not having every moment planned out. Now I am taking a lot of joy in the hasard of daily life and relishing in unexpected experiences. This isn't to say I want to sit around, be lazy and let the days pass. Not at all! Instead I just want to make more time for realizations to be turned into reality, especially if it means continuing to make connections with the wonderful people I have been meeting since I came to Europe in October.

Now that I am home from Taize and have a week of vacation left, what to do?! Well, for starters I turned 25 today so my Canadian Counterpart and I took the train to Nice to enjoy Carnaval festivities as a ready-made birthday party. Tomorrow I am teaching for four hours (private tutoring), so tonight I need to buckle down and prepare for my studious pupils. The rest of the week is up in the air, but I have a few ideas. On Sunday I definitely want to attend the Lemon Festival in Menton, but I also need to go to church as part of my Lent dedication (after many, many years of not attending church I'm going to attend every Sunday during Lent).

Also, I found out late Sunday night that I was offered a job in Anchorage, AK starting in the Fall! This is beyond exciting and it would be so easy to just sit back and relax now, but life is here to be lived and I can't quit now! Between now and the start of that job I have so many things I want to do and I hope that with every one of them something completely unexpected happens, because that is when you find the good stuff. Even if it's frustrating or inconvenient at the time, it's the stuff that makes you laugh the hardest later.

Well, I should stop wasting time and get to work so my students get a decent lesson. Je ne peux pas quitter maintenant!