In Review

I'm spending the day at home, almost entirely in my bedroom (i.e. the living room of our apartment). For some reason I just don't feel like putting on real clothes and leaving the house, mostly because I don't have anywhere I must be or anything I must do. The more days off I have in Antibes the more I realize I'm pretty much over this region of France. Sure, the beaches are gorgeous and the water is clear and blue, but one can only walk on the beach in chilly weather so many times before wanting to do something different. I wish my time off each week was more compounded so I could go away more and do more. Really, I wish I had more money so I could go away every weekend and not feel wasteful for sleeping somewhere other than the apartment I pay for. Maybe I'll do it anyway and just eat the costs, I am working more now and making extra money and what is money for if not to live as well as possible?

So I've been thinking about going away pretty much every weekend until I leave for Spring Break. I have five weekends between now and then and only have made plans for two of them. Maybe I should run off to Paris for 3 days? It's a bit pricey overall, but when else can I do this? I wonder if there is another place I could run off to for three days and spend 100 euros or less total? This might take some brainstorming and research, but I've been feeling very lonely here lately and, in my opinion, if being alone is unavoidable the best cure for the resulting loneliness is a change of scenery.

Today has been super low-key, obviously. I've watched True Blood on DVD (thanks to Leigh for my awesome present!) and cooked snacks in varying intervals. So basically I spent the day committing two cardinal sins: sloth and gluttony.

I also realized that I have failed to notice when people post comments to my blog in the past, so I browsed back some entries since leaving the US. There aren't tons of comments, obviously, but there were a few I'd missed. It's nice to know sometimes people read this.

What was even more interesting was seeing how much I have changed since taking the Bar Exam and coming to Europe, mostly in good ways I think. Most obviously I am much less Type A in nature. I'm still Type A- I like doing research, having a plan, and covering all of my bases; but now I can wake up in the morning and just go do something without stressing out about it so much. Also, I have had my Spring Break flights planned for over a month now but have yet to create an hour-by-hour itinerary for each city. I also haven't purchased my return ticket from Barcelona so I can come back to work. This is a first for me! The Old Emily would rather spend her last 50 euros buying that ticket rather than relaxing and being OK with buying it after I get paid next, which I will probably do because the CAF is going to be late for this month (long story).

Also, I think my world view is broader than it was before. I don't get as stressed out when things don't go as planned because I look at the big picture more. The only reason for this that I can find is that I tend to view every situation from a multicultural perspective. Whenever something takes a long time to happen or is completely fucked up I can just say "oh well, that's France for you." When I get back to the US I will probably be less inclined to take things personally or get so hung up when I'm not given instant gratification.

That being said, I have also learned a great deal of patience, with myself and others and processes. Before coming to the US I couldn't even let the microwave finish counting down before popping the door open. I don't own a microwave anymore and I have to take the bus for 20 minutes to buy groceries, so I've been forced to take things slower. I'm also more patient with people and, I think, more aware of my own characteristics that make me hard to take or "American" in any other way.

I'm really trying to change for the better because I know the next few years will really develop who I am as a person, the person I will be remembered for and the person my future children will see as their own archetype. Besides, I cannot imagine if uptight, Type A, emotionally unstable, personally dissatisfied Emily were to become Lawyer Emily. What would happen to me then? Could I possibly be both happy and successful without learning to calm down and take things as they come? I am pretty sure I would quickly forget most of the things that make me a unique person and those are the things that make me happy.

Instead I have had a taste of real personal freedom and flexibility, both of which I cannot imagine living entirely without ever again. In the future I suspect I will continue to make some bold moves to preserve these things I have come to cherish. The best part is that I'm no longer afraid to try.