Paris, Dahling.....

Thanks to the slight amount of peer pressure I felt the past few days, I have booked tickets to and from Paris for the weekend of March 20-22. I will take an overnight train on Friday night after work (in a couchette, of course, I need my beauty sleep!) and will fly back to Nice on Monday evening. The coolest part about all of this is that I get three whole days in Paris without missing a single day of work!

I saw most of Paris while I was there for Christmas, but this time I think I would like to focus on the Latin Quarter and Montmartre, both of which I only saw briefly last time. I will be meeting a friend I met in Taize in Paris so, of course, my itinerary will depend 50% on what she would like to do. No matter what we do it will be a great time because it's a weekend away in a beautiful, decadent city with good company.

Now I just need to figure out where we'll stay. So far I have sent out a few Facebook messages and checked couchsurfing.org. Hopefully we will find something for free but, if not, there are a fair few very cheap lodging options in and around the city. All is well and I still have a few weeks to iron out the details.

So March is looking like this right now:

13-15: Arles, Marseille (The Cranberries in concert), and Avignon with Damian

19-22: Paris with Clara

26-29: Cinque Terre, Italy with Jescy

April 2-19: Insane Spring Break Trip 2010 (see Upcoming Journeys & Events for full details)

This means I'll be using this weekend and the weekend of March 6 to do ALL of my lesson plans for the foreseeable future so I can actually enjoy these crazy excursions! I may have lost my mind a tiny bit with all of my planning, but I am really enjoying Europe and at no point in the future will I be able to look back on my sejour here and think for a moment that I wasted this opportunity in any way.

First Sunday of Lent

Today I started keeping Lent, after many, many years of barely noticing the passing of the Church calendar. As I mentioned before, I was given the idea to do something productive during Lent rather than give something up. Namely, it was suggested that I attend church every week. Great idea.

My day started off with some difficulty. I received a discouraging email from a friend in the US that basically made me feel like shit for having accomplished something recently. It was disheartening to find that, even after school when we're all working adults, sometimes your friends won't share your happiness with you. This made me sad and frustrated and then I went to church hoping to find some tranquility or peace about the situation, but this was not in the cards today.

I had every intention of taking the bus to Cannes this morning to attend Holy Trinity Anglican Church (in English), but I didn't get out of the house in time so I decided to attend Cathédrale Notre-Dame-de-la-Platea d'Antibes near the Marche Provencale in Vieille Antibes (Old Town). The service started at 11:00, so I used my extra 30 minutes or so to enjoy a sunny morning on the Ramparts. I thought this might turn out to be a great experience because Catholic services are known for nice music and I figured I would get a nice dose of the French language for once.

Boy was I wrong! Now, I should clarify that I have nothing against attending Catholic masses. In fact, I have attended many Catholic masses and have often enjoyed them as they follow a very similar pattern as Episcopal Eucharist. However, this was a different story.

The church itself, a national monument, is really ugly inside. I have never seen such unattractive statues of the Saints in my life, and to top it off there was a random mid-sized television circa 1995 propped up on a bureau along the left-hand wall. The church did not have pews, but instead these weird connected chairs with either too little or too much legroom and no kneelers. The Cathedral is pretty big, so obviously the Priest and readers will use a microphone system. Unfortunately, seeing as this is technology challenged France, the speakers were crackly most of the time so they didn't do a lot of good.

Before the mass began several people lit votive candles, which is normal, but one woman walked from statute to statue holding the hands of the Saints and praying to them fervently. Part of me wanted to remind her that these statues are not the Saints themselves, they're just figures to decorate the church. In fact, I think there's a little note about worshipping false idols in the Ten Commandments... Needless to say, this made me a tiny bit uncomfortable, but I think I'm a bit overly concerned with the use of icons and such because they just strike me as strange if used for anything more than religious art or symbolism.

I am soooooo Protestant...

Anyway, the other major thing that annoyed me was the talking and disruption. Just before the service I was sitting alone in an aisle trying to pray and focus. This was impossible because small groups of women kept stopping near me and gossiping at a normal speaking volume. Excuse me, this is church, people are here to find tranquility for goodness sake! Also, portable phones and side conversations were normal and audible throughout the mass itself. I don't think anyone was there to actually pray or worship, they seemed to just be checking a mass off on their list of weekly errands. Maybe I am judging these people too harshly, but I could not help but be astonished that they had bothered to come to mass at all.

During the processional about 6 or 7 senior citizens walked down the aisle first holding the French flag, then they stood at the altar throughout the entire service periodically bowing the flags toward the candles and cross. I found this to be bizarre because, in my view, when thinking of God I feel that my nationality is more or less irrelevant. Apparently the French disagree with this sentiment. At one point one flag was hovering dangerously close to a lit candle and I secretly hoped it would catch fire just for a laugh. I would never actually want a country's flag to burn, but it would at least have been a funny story.

About an hour into mass, when people were lining up for Communion (which I don't think I'm allowed to receive in a Catholic church) I decided to bail out on the rest of the service. I figured I'd made a solid effort including getting dressed and out the door and even praying a bit in spite of the many, many distractions.

I think Taize has spoiled me completely. After years away from church I spent a concentrated week around people who took a week off to pray and commune with other spiritual people. Every prayer service felt special and sacred and people were so respectful of each other's spiritual needs, silence, and space. I need to shift gears now and learn to pray in the real world or else it's going to be a tough road for me.

Next week I will wake up an hour earlier and go to Cannes for a service in English and hopefully will find it more tranquil.

In Review

I'm spending the day at home, almost entirely in my bedroom (i.e. the living room of our apartment). For some reason I just don't feel like putting on real clothes and leaving the house, mostly because I don't have anywhere I must be or anything I must do. The more days off I have in Antibes the more I realize I'm pretty much over this region of France. Sure, the beaches are gorgeous and the water is clear and blue, but one can only walk on the beach in chilly weather so many times before wanting to do something different. I wish my time off each week was more compounded so I could go away more and do more. Really, I wish I had more money so I could go away every weekend and not feel wasteful for sleeping somewhere other than the apartment I pay for. Maybe I'll do it anyway and just eat the costs, I am working more now and making extra money and what is money for if not to live as well as possible?

So I've been thinking about going away pretty much every weekend until I leave for Spring Break. I have five weekends between now and then and only have made plans for two of them. Maybe I should run off to Paris for 3 days? It's a bit pricey overall, but when else can I do this? I wonder if there is another place I could run off to for three days and spend 100 euros or less total? This might take some brainstorming and research, but I've been feeling very lonely here lately and, in my opinion, if being alone is unavoidable the best cure for the resulting loneliness is a change of scenery.

Today has been super low-key, obviously. I've watched True Blood on DVD (thanks to Leigh for my awesome present!) and cooked snacks in varying intervals. So basically I spent the day committing two cardinal sins: sloth and gluttony.

I also realized that I have failed to notice when people post comments to my blog in the past, so I browsed back some entries since leaving the US. There aren't tons of comments, obviously, but there were a few I'd missed. It's nice to know sometimes people read this.

What was even more interesting was seeing how much I have changed since taking the Bar Exam and coming to Europe, mostly in good ways I think. Most obviously I am much less Type A in nature. I'm still Type A- I like doing research, having a plan, and covering all of my bases; but now I can wake up in the morning and just go do something without stressing out about it so much. Also, I have had my Spring Break flights planned for over a month now but have yet to create an hour-by-hour itinerary for each city. I also haven't purchased my return ticket from Barcelona so I can come back to work. This is a first for me! The Old Emily would rather spend her last 50 euros buying that ticket rather than relaxing and being OK with buying it after I get paid next, which I will probably do because the CAF is going to be late for this month (long story).

Also, I think my world view is broader than it was before. I don't get as stressed out when things don't go as planned because I look at the big picture more. The only reason for this that I can find is that I tend to view every situation from a multicultural perspective. Whenever something takes a long time to happen or is completely fucked up I can just say "oh well, that's France for you." When I get back to the US I will probably be less inclined to take things personally or get so hung up when I'm not given instant gratification.

That being said, I have also learned a great deal of patience, with myself and others and processes. Before coming to the US I couldn't even let the microwave finish counting down before popping the door open. I don't own a microwave anymore and I have to take the bus for 20 minutes to buy groceries, so I've been forced to take things slower. I'm also more patient with people and, I think, more aware of my own characteristics that make me hard to take or "American" in any other way.

I'm really trying to change for the better because I know the next few years will really develop who I am as a person, the person I will be remembered for and the person my future children will see as their own archetype. Besides, I cannot imagine if uptight, Type A, emotionally unstable, personally dissatisfied Emily were to become Lawyer Emily. What would happen to me then? Could I possibly be both happy and successful without learning to calm down and take things as they come? I am pretty sure I would quickly forget most of the things that make me a unique person and those are the things that make me happy.

Instead I have had a taste of real personal freedom and flexibility, both of which I cannot imagine living entirely without ever again. In the future I suspect I will continue to make some bold moves to preserve these things I have come to cherish. The best part is that I'm no longer afraid to try.

Back to Reality, Carnaval, etc

Since I was at Taize last week it's been a slight adjustment coming back to reality (see my website for a real post on Taize). Luckily I don't have to work this week, otherwise I'm not sure I'd be so sane right now. The silence and calme of Taize rooted itself pretty deeply while I was there, so the idea of loud, argumentative, adolescent French people might cause me to implode at this point.

On Monday I literally just hung around the house and went to Intermarche to buy the most basic groceries, heavy on the vegetables and protein after a week of stew, bread, potatoes, more bread, and Polish prepackaged cookies. I think I spent most of my day laying in bed, on the internet, watching tv shows online, and I think I recall a few hours of staring off into space. For some reason that 5 hour TGV ride really took a lot out of me.

Tuesday was my birthday (25!) and Mardi Gras, so I had plans to go to Nice with my Canadian Counterpart to take part in the festivities. I woke up to the door buzzer sounding and found the postman had my package from Leigh! What perfect timing after nearly a month in transit! The box contained a new pair of jeans ($1 for a pair of skinny Levis, God Bless America), two t-shirts ("Save the Wild Things" and "En Francais, S'il vous plait"), the first season of True Blood on DVD, a wishbone necklace from Christmas, and a beautiful scarf Leigh's mom found for me. It was like a mini, belated Christmas and it made me so very happy.

The Mardi Gras parade was a bit more of a family/kids thing than either of us thought because in North America women get plastered and take off their tops. Neither of us had plans to take off anything, but we did feel the need to make our own fun on top of watching the kick-ass floats go by. We went to Monoprix and bought some mixer type liquids and made drinks on the sidewalk- not sketchy at all! It was actually really fun, even with the massive numbers of children, and I took some great pictures of the floats. We also managed to stumble upon a pizza place that sells 33 cm pizzas for 5 euros, can't beat that!

Yesterday I had to work, but not for the lycee. A few weeks ago I took on a tutoring student from the school where I work. Then last week I took on a student whose mother works at my school but doesn't speak any English so she can't help her daughter. I scheduled both students for lessons yesterday for 2 hours each, plus I had to commute from Antibes to Nice (takes about an hour on the bus) so it was a long day. I think it went pretty well, though I will hesitate before suggesting 2 hour lessons in the future. With a student 1:1 it's really hard to fill the second hour without resorting to chatting so they can practice their listening comprehension and spontaneous expression skills (taken from the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages). Some really good news is that the second student's little brother also needs a tutor, so from now on when I travel to Nice on my day off I will teach both children for an hour each. Now the challenge is putting together good lessons for them because my students are 6eme, 3eme, and 1er levels- each different with different needs and none in classes that I teach normally!

Anyway, after all that I was completely exhausted. I came home planning to take a nap and maybe eat something I would "cook" for myself, but luckily my Canadian Counterpart had 1) bought a cheese and ham tarte she couldn't eat by herself and 2) bought me a birthday cake! So I wound up having a real dinner and we had a tiny party consisting of the two of us and our friend Katrina who was an assistante last year. It was so much fun to host someone at the apartment. I even cleaned my room and reorganized the couches so it looks like a living room again.

Now I don't know what to do with myself today aside from going to Carrefour, which I really don't want to do but must. I managed to break my brand new 6 euro earbuds and I need a real stock of food in the house to have any hope of not living off of quick foods from the patisserie (and growing out of my new jeans sent from Leigh). Otherwise I have no plans and a whole day off. Maybe I'll stay home and be productive or maybe the spirit will hit me and I'll think of someplace nice to visit for the afternoon.

Ne Quittez Pas

It means "hold the line" or "don't hang up," but it also literally translates to "don't quit." I don't know why that phrase has been in my head off and on today, but I like it. It's quick, easy to say, and sounds interesting on the phone.

It's also good to remind me to not get too relaxed even though I have the next several months of my life planned out nearly down to the hour. The remaining time I spend in Europe is more or less planned out, I've even bought plane tickets and train tickets. Of course, some things are just not practical to plan this far in advance so I haven't, but when I was riding the train home from Taize on Sunday night I realized that I may have over scheduled myself a bit, leaving little to no room for improvisation.

I spent last week on retreat at Taize. Without fear of exaggeration, it was one of the more significant experiences of my life. Taize was full of firsts for me. It was the first time I went away on retreat where the sponsoring church did not assume everyone was from the same religious background or denomination. It was my first retreat that was truly on the honor system and where adults are treated as true adults. It was the first time I had been given the license, even the encouragement, to spend time being quiet and reflecting on my life and goals. It was the first time since childhood that I felt completely comfortable being myself amongst strangers in a Christian environment and left feeling loved and accepted.

In addition to having time to reflect, relax, and recuperate after so many years of feeling exiled by the Christian community, I also made some amazing friends. It seems like we all went to Taize hoping to reconnect with God and to build our extended families more, because that's exactly what we did. By the end of the week everyone between the ages of 20 and 29 (I was the second oldest person in our program and the only American) had become fast friends, sharing meals and work, exchanging life experiences, gently teasing one another and creating inside jokes, and exchanging emails at the end with promises to stay in touch and visit in the future.

Anyway, back to reality: After a week away reflecting on things and slowing down I was a tiny bit upset with myself for using so much effort to keep myself planned and occupied until I go home in May. What's so wrong with taking things week to week and giving more consideration to ideas before putting them into action?

Wow, Europe has really changed me. Six months ago I would be really anxious with the state of my daily life, not having every moment planned out. Now I am taking a lot of joy in the hasard of daily life and relishing in unexpected experiences. This isn't to say I want to sit around, be lazy and let the days pass. Not at all! Instead I just want to make more time for realizations to be turned into reality, especially if it means continuing to make connections with the wonderful people I have been meeting since I came to Europe in October.

Now that I am home from Taize and have a week of vacation left, what to do?! Well, for starters I turned 25 today so my Canadian Counterpart and I took the train to Nice to enjoy Carnaval festivities as a ready-made birthday party. Tomorrow I am teaching for four hours (private tutoring), so tonight I need to buckle down and prepare for my studious pupils. The rest of the week is up in the air, but I have a few ideas. On Sunday I definitely want to attend the Lemon Festival in Menton, but I also need to go to church as part of my Lent dedication (after many, many years of not attending church I'm going to attend every Sunday during Lent).

Also, I found out late Sunday night that I was offered a job in Anchorage, AK starting in the Fall! This is beyond exciting and it would be so easy to just sit back and relax now, but life is here to be lived and I can't quit now! Between now and the start of that job I have so many things I want to do and I hope that with every one of them something completely unexpected happens, because that is when you find the good stuff. Even if it's frustrating or inconvenient at the time, it's the stuff that makes you laugh the hardest later.

Well, I should stop wasting time and get to work so my students get a decent lesson. Je ne peux pas quitter maintenant!

A Word on Euro-English

I arrived home from a week at Taize late last night. After checking my many email messages and wondering why the French postal services can't be bothered to bring me my mail, I started telling my Canadian roommate about the trip. This would be the first time in 7 days that I have spoken English at a regular speed to a native English speaker. Since moving to France I have had to alter how I speak, not just the speed but also how I choose my words, in order to be understood correctly. Here are some general rules of thumb I have learned and am still learning:

1. Speed

This may seem obvious, but I have to speak more slowly to non-native speakers. Now when I hear anglophones on television or speak with family in the US I am amazed at how quickly they speak. What's the hurry? Also, I am finding that the faster one speaks the less precise their speech will be, so we end up saying things that don't really capture our main point or are completely unnecessary.

That being said, one cannot speak at a snail's pace. Listening comprehension and spoken fluency are two completely separate skills in a foreign language. It seems that even very rudimentary speakers understand a great deal of what is being spoken because most people are taught additional languages mostly through listening or exposure to it on TV, radio, etc. I remember when studying French that I understood a great deal of French instruction in class, and yet when giving a presentation in French I would stumble, sometimes even over words I had heard spoken. My point is that you have to speak slowly enough for the other person to catch each word, but not so slowly that the shape of the words and the tones used to express the sentiment behind the words is lost.

2. Pronunciation

For God's sake, don't mumble! Make the effort to pronounce words properly. Say "Ts" as "T" and "Ds" as "D" and don't drop the "Gs" off the ends of words. Also, European schools are now teaching contractions ("don't," "didn't," "can't," etc), so those are actually preferable to use rather than the long form.

It may be clear to you and every other anglophone in the room what you're saying, but poor pronunciation or strange pronunciation will kill a conversation. Also, the person speaking English as a foreign language will make pronunciation mistakes and knowing whether to correct them is a judgement call. Too many corrections will frustrate the person so they may not wish to speak anymore, which is no good for anyone because speaking is the best practice and the best way to make new friends.

3. Careful word choice

Non-native speakers will not understand a lot of synonyms to more common nouns and verbs, but this doesn't have to simplify the conversation you are having. Instead, just work around the idea you are trying to form using more common verbs. Think back to the verbs you studied in a foreign language class and go from there. I tend to stick with the obvious verbs (to be, to go, to come, to have, to do, to make and then others where the root word has some latin base so it's easy to guess what I'm saying). Like I tell my students when they don't know the word, try describing what the thing does using the words you do know. When your speaking partner replies using more complex language you will be both surprised and impressed by the European educational system almost every time and you will also know what level of conversation is possible.

Connotation is also worth some discussion. There are so many words in the English language that have a specific connotation with absolutely no basis in linguistics (as far as I can tell), but are more about culture and common usage. Many non-native speakers are taught the uses of these words in a way that would not be common for anglophones, so it will sound a bit strange. I usually reply to the person using the more common terminology and if they ask about it I explain the difference or I just say "it sounds strange to say it the other way." If connotation is less important I try to choose my words carefully so that I use the most common nouns and descriptive words rather than a regional word or uniquely American term.

4. Slang and colloquialisms

The general rule is don't do it unless you hear the non-anglophone say it first. This week I was explaining that the word "pupil" is rarely used and now we say "student." I was not sure the easiest way to explain why this is until a non-anglophone said, "oh, is it very old fashioned?" Old fashioned was exactly what I was thinking, but was unsure if the term would make sense to my audience, luckily it did this time. Slang is really fun to teach to people sometimes, but the most fun is when the non-anglophone has been taught really outdated slang or when they say things like "okay" and "cool" sprinkled in their own language.

5. Using a second or third language as a bridge

In a heavily English speaking world, it's easy to get around without another language, but it's even easier if you have some concept of a latin language or the language of the person with whom you are speaking. This week I was on retreat in France with people from all over Europe but we all had some knowledge of French, at least a tiny bit, so when there was a word or concept that we just couldn't explain in English we would switch to French momentarily and then back to English. It works amazingly well even with someone like me whose French is far from great.

French in particular is a great language to use as a bridge because it is so direct and has so many little sayings that mean a specific concept. For example, "raison d'etre" means a person's reason for existence. I have heard this term used in the US for a completely anglophone audience, in France, and I used it myself during a workshop this week. There isn't a perfect English translation of the concept it describes, so for my multilingual audience it was a great way to get the point across quickly and clearly.

6. Accents in Your Mother Tongue

There are a lot of different English accents. Sometimes these accents will make it very difficult to be understood. So far I have found that the Hollywood American accent, typical Canadian accents, and any British English that is spoken at a reasonable pace without mumbling goes really well.

Your particular accent could also determine how easily you can charm your new friends. Speakers of different mother tongues like the sounds of various accents differently. So far I have found that the accent that is least similar to their own language is usually the favorite. For example, French is a very fluid language where the words often run together so French people really enjoy the sound of an American accent in French (and English as well, I think) and I think they also enjoy Italian accents in French too. By contrast, German is a very clear and harder sounding language where the words are much more clearly divided, so Germans tend to favor British accents in English.

7. English as a Universal Language

Over the past seven days I was constantly in the company of French, Dutch, German, Spanish/Catalonian, British, Swiss and Norwegian people. Clearly the only language we would all have exposure to at some point is English, so it was the dominant language of the week. It makes little sense linguistically why English is so important- it is a difficult language to learn, it isn't particularly pretty, and it has very little root in latin compared with and abundance of romance languages. However, it is now the most important language in the world, especially in the western world. School systems throughout Europe and Asia are teaching English with this in mind, so the world gets a little bit smaller every day and we are better able to communicate with everyday people more and more.

This being said, I hope that North Americans will make a greater effort to teach children languages in the future. My students at the lycee are learning a minimum of two languages fluently. This coupled with the strength of the European economy indicates that my lycee students and their contemporaries are going to take over the world in about 15 or 20 years. The only way for the US to keep up in the global economy and global cultural developments is to be better educated in more international ways. Learn languages in school and on your own, read books not written in English, travel, start non-English discussion groups, use the internet to practice chatting/Skypeing with people all around the world. There's really no excuse for not learning at least a little bit of another language. Plus it's fun!

Taize

In about 20 minutes I will head out my door, gigantic pack strapped to my back, in the direction of the train station to catch my TGV to Taize. I'm pretty excited but also a bit overwhelmed. The living conditions at Taize are a bit like camping, so I feel like no matter what I take with me I'll wish I had some other comfort item once I get there. My only consolation is knowing that thousands of people have done this before me and many are probably even more high maintenance than myself, so I know I will be fine. Besides, there is a cafe type thing there that sells toothpaste and stuff in case I find myself desperately needing something. Also, I never did find an English Bible this week like I had hoped. I suppose if I really need a Bible I can probably buy one at the gift shop thingy they have there.

Other than the obvious discussions and church services, I have no idea what to expect on this retreat. All I know is when I first heard of it as a 17 year old something told me it is something I must do in my life. This is the perfect opportunity for me to go, even if I don't really feel ready at this particular moment in time. Everything will be fine because this is an adventure and I am really good at going on adventures.

More later about this later.

Holiday Number 3

Today is my last teaching day before the Winter Holiday. I don't completely understand the purpose of this holiday because we just had Christmas and it doesn't really coincide with Mardi Gras or Lent very well, but anyway, there it is.

I was supposed to receive a care package from Leigh today with all sorts of fun things in it, but it hasn't arrived. I'm so sad. Even though I know exactly what is in the package I was so looking forward to this little "surprise" and a box filled with things from across the pond. Right now the only mail I receive is for my work or my immigration papers, so when I do get personal stuff it's a really happy day.

Hopefully today will perk up though. I only have one lesson to teach this evening at 17:00, then I'm going to see a play that my Canadian Counterpart helped put together with our favorite supervising teacher. Starting tomorrow I need to pack and clean for my week away at Taize and maybe make some preliminary plans for day trips during the second week of this holiday.

I'm not completely sure that I am ready for my Taize experience. When I first learned about the retreat I was 17, had recently moved in with Leigh and still had very close ties to my church family in southwest Virginia. Since then I have finished college, finished law school, gotten married, separated then reconciled and have moved across the ocean. I'm not saying that my faith has waned, though I believe it has to some extent, but I am saying that today my life is significantly more complicated than it was before.

So now I am questioning not my faith, but my emotional capacity for such intense religious experiences. Even more, my comfort level with discussing my faith as it is today because it has been so long since I have been in a position to have those conversations. However, my faith is telling me that for these very same reasons there is no better time for me to open myself up to this experience. I need to gather my courage and dive headlong into it, try to relax and learn as much as possible during this time. If all goes well I will return home feeling spiritually refreshed and ready to face the next stages of my life.

In addition to the obvious benefits to faith of this retreat, I will get the chance to walk around Macon for a few hours on Monday and the following Sunday. Hopefully I will get to taste some local wine and shop for yummy Dijon mustards and the like. Leave it to me to turn every outing into a shopping trip for local goodies!

Speaking of holidays, I am now in a position to finish all of my plans for my 4th and final holiday in April, Spring Break. So exciting! On top of that, my Canadian Counterpart and I have decided to vacate our apartment at the end of March and live on campus for the two weeks we'll be homeless in France before heading west to our respective next [temporary] homes. This will save us each about 430 euros, which is downright fabulous. On top of all of this I am get so excited every time I remember that my dear friend Jescy is coming to visit in just a few weeks' time. So much happy to combat just a bit of disappointment.

Things I Miss About the US:

As of 2 February 2010:

- Leigh (obviously)

- After New Year's massive sales. Les soldes are pretty great, but not nearly as drastic price reductions.

- Having a car for things like grocery runs and random visits to nearby towns, etc; though the bus and train system here is pretty nifty too

- Going to the movies or, at the very least, having full access to new releases

- The Dollar Store for things like cheap housewares, nail polish, cleaning supplies and books

- Having my own apartment. My roommates are great girls, but I much prefer a place with just Leigh and myself, even though we tend to relax a bit too much and let things get messier than when we live with others

- Having people know what it means to have a US law degree. This sounds horribly conceited, but in Europe a law degree is more or less a bachelor's degree and not that impressive to the general population. When I lived at home I got annoyed by how people would "ooh" and "aah" at my having one, but now that I'm here and being treated like a college kid again I'm about ready to trade that in the anonymity for the "oohs" and "aahs."

- Church-going folks. OK, so I'm rarely one to say I love living in a Christian nation because more often than not those Christians are telling me I'm going to Hell and taking away my civil liberties. However, France is so secular that my students think that all people of faith are either religious freaks or their great-grandparents (the last generation to bother going to church, from what I gather). I miss living in a country where being religious is pretty normal, though I also really appreciate living in a country where one religion doesn't dominate all laws and social norms.

Things I DON'T Miss About the US:

- 24/7 coverage of every time Obama or a Member of Congress sneezes

- Not having health insurance or coverage of any sort. It's nice to know that as long as I am working in Europe I am well cared for no matter what happens.

- Extreme obsession with celebrities- you'd be amazed how little Europeans care about famous people. It has been so refreshing every few weeks to realize that I haven't heard a peep about so-and-so since October

- Unavoidable onslaught of advertisements that, undoubtedly, manage to influence me to buy things I don't really want or need

- Extremely fattening foods in massive quantities. OK, I know it's a cliche, but my lifestyle change here has been amazing and so refreshing. I can actually eat a lovely meal and not feel horrible about myself afterwards because I know 1) it wasn't a huge portion 2) it had nutritional value that outweighed its sugar and fat content 3) 90% of my meals are very simple, unprocessed foods eaten at home and 4) it tasted amazing.

Things I'm LOVING About France Right Now:

- Sunshine

- Dinner parties

- People staying out of my business almost to a point that I can't comprehend

- Wine, all sorts of wine. It's so decadent and special yet so cheap and accessible.

- Beaucoup des days off from work, again almost to the point of non-comprehension

- The chance to visit amazing, romantic, seemingly far away places within just a few hours of time on a train or plane and for just a little bit of extra cash.

- The extreme contrast of very old traditions with very new ideas.

Nice is nice.

Yes, I said it- I enjoyed my day in Nice. Several weeks ago I decided whole heartedly that I hated Nice and everything about it. I avoided going to Nice for any reason aside from work-related appointments. It seemed that every time I was summoned to Nice I wound up on the world's slowest/smelliest bus, getting lost in a remote and sketchy part of town (because it's the most logical place to have a government/immigration office), being hungry, tired and cranky. I also managed to always have to do these things on my days off, which really sucks and ruined the rest of my week.

However, my last two visits have been pretty fun and both were spent shopping. During the first week of Les Soldes, January 8th, Leigh and I took the bus to Nice so I could buy pants. I literally had no pants that didn't either have massive holes in them or weren't way too big. We hit up H&M and I left with two pairs of pants (neither of them jeans), a cute 9 euro dress and a few tops and accessories for only about 50 euros. You can't beat that with a stick! We also bought a few little things for Leigh, but at this point in her trip it was kind of pointless because she was going home soon. We also window shopped, walked up and down Jean Medecin, and wandered through an oddly long-standing Christmas market with a ferries wheel. That was a fun day.

Today was equally fun. I went to Nice by myself. Since I hate the ligne 200 bus so much I had pre-planned a way to enjoy this ride along the sea rather than sitting there gritting my teeth and counting the stops for an hour. The bus ride was tolerable and I enjoyed some recently purchased music on my Ipod. I got off at the right stop and walked down Rue Messina, a street I had not yet explored, to find on of my favorite stores in the world: LUSH (it's Canadian, which makes it even cooler). At LUSH I bought a new scent of solid shampoo and my favorite scent of soap (total 15 euros), all handmade and all natural of course!

I then went to Minelli to scope out a pair of boots I had seen at the Antibes Minelli store. I started having second thoughts about my obsession at this point because 1) they're sooooo expensive (98 euros after discount), 2) I doubt I can frequently wear leather boots in Alaska without ruining them, and 3) I should probably wait until I go to Ventimiglia, Italy for a day during the February break to see about the options there. Ventimiglia is a very small border city with an amazing amount of shoe stores, so that might be my best bet.

After coming back to reality at Minelli I popped into a series of store to check out their soldes prices. By the end of the day I had purchased a pair of black leggings from Pimkie (8 euros; a must have item in France- they serve as pants, loungewear, under dress/skirt hosiery, and active wear all in one clothing item!), a cute top for me (6 euros) and a really awesome t-shirt for Leigh (5 euros) at Zara, and a new 2 piece bathing suit, black with a sunflower (10 euros!) from a little store in vieille Nice. I came home feeling a bit guilty but also having had a lot of fun. Then I reminded myself that this month is shaping up to be financially less stressful than I had originally thought AND I have completely talked myself out of buying those crazy expensive boots, so it's all good. Plus, if my lust for shoes gets the best of me I can always make up for it by consuming only baguettes and water for two weeks, right?

The only thing I didn't get to do today was eat icecream. I just didn't see anyplace selling ice cream or gelato today. So now in my "Reasons to visit Ventimiglia Soon" list I have 1) cheaper shoes and 2) eat gelato.

Another Week, Another Few Euros

This was my first full week at work without Leigh here to take care of me. In the simplest terms things went pretty well- I ate every day, I didn't injure myself with a kitchen knife or set fire to anything, I made it to work every day and kept all of my appointments. I even ran a few errands that needed taking care of and....drum roll please.... I got paid! Woohoo! It's amazing what waking up to a direct deposit will do for one's mood.

Speaking of moods, this has been a tough week. Every day that I didn't have to work I had to struggle to get out of bed and do something. The days I did have to work I was curt with my students and sometimes a bit overly assertive with my colleagues and superiors. Every little thing pissed me off and I had no trouble telling people about it. I think I'm having a serious mood issue right now and I don't know what the cause may be or, subsequently, how to address it. It would be too easy to say I'm just adjusting to not having Leigh around anymore, but we have spent extended periods of time apart in the past. Our relationship has weathered this storm before and we are fairly accustomed to it, so I don't actually think that is the problem. At this point I just keep hoping the funky mood will pass.

On Wednesday afternoon I managed to get myself dressed and showered and then got a haircut. The haircut is not good, really not good, but it is shorter so I no longer resemble my 14 year old male students quite so strongly (the floppy short haircuts are really hip here in Cote d'Azur, so I try to avoid letting my hair grow to the "floppy" stage). I'm pretty annoyed that I spent 20 euros to let a middle aged woman hack away at my hair with her clippers. Please note that she only brought out the actual scissors to trim 5 little hairs around me ears. The rest of the haircut, including the finer points that make a haircut look decent, was done entirely with clippers and an old comb to guard my head. I haven't been this disappointed with a haircut since I was 7 and the hair dresser chopped my hair off completely without asking me what I wanted.

Hair aside, I also had my first private tutoring session with a student at the lycee. For a first pupil I couldn't be more fortunate. She is both smart and hardworking and her problems are mostly strategic and lack of self-confidence in her writing. I already have so many plans to help her prepare for her next exams. I hope her grades improve greatly in the next few weeks so 1) she can feel better about her grade and 2) I can keep my tutoring gig. I might even be picking up a second pupil, a young lady who wants to attend my lycee next year but needs help preparing for the English section placement exam. I hope that works out too because I have met her already and she is very motivated and has great potential.

In other work news, I have tossed my hat in the ring to be considered to teach during the winter holiday for a few days. Not sure if that will turn into anything, but it would be great to have the extra work to keep me busy since I'm not traveling as much. If I don't get that position, or if it doesn't require me to work every day, I might plan a trip to Arles for an overnight. Who knows?

You may notice another entry in the "Coming Soon" sidebar- I bought my ticket to see the Cranberries play a live show in Marseille on March 14. It was literally the first thing I did once I noticed I had been paid and I started feeling a little bit better right away. I don't know if I'm addicted to spending money or if I'm addicted to having something awesome to look forward to, but either way it did the trick. At this point I have no more than two weeks to wait between events and activities. This may seem excessive, but I'm currently battling some serious homesickness and require a lot of sensory stimulation/distraction to continue enjoying my time here. If I just hung around my apartment all the time I would feel like I was wasting these months. I could hang around my apartment in the US earning a shitty wage much easier than doing so in France, so I might as well capitalize on being in France, right?

Right.

What makes the concert even better is that my dad is on Facebook now and he saw that I was attending the concert soon after my birthday, so he said he'd cover the cost of the ticket! This was completely unexpected and a big deal because the ticket equals what I would normally spend on groceries in two weeks. I had budgeted for the ticket and the train fare and even found someone to host me for free overnight. By covering the [rather pricey] concert ticket my dad has freed up a good deal of spending money for me this month, so his generosity has bought me not only a concert ticket but also some peace of mind and relaxation as well. Thanks Dad!

In all I can't say it's been a terrible week, but it's been a long and tiring one. I'm glad it's over now because I am determined to enjoy my weekend and drag myself out of this bad mood even if my emo self is kicking and screaming along the way. Tomorrow I think I will venture to Nice to run some fun errands (i.e. buying yummy smelling things at LUSH and oggling at "les soldes"). Sunday, when everything is closed, I will probably switch bedrooms with my Canadian Counterpart (long story) and prep for my work week so that Monday I can do something fun, though I haven't decided what yet.

Yummy

I am currently eating something quite delicious and I made it myself *gasp*!!!

I don't cook. That's what I have a wife for..... just kidding! I married her before she could make much more than hot breakfast and hamburger helper, but she has really blossomed in her cooking abilities over the past 3 or 4 years. In that same period of time I have gone from someone who could make about 7 different real dishes to someone who can barely cook chicken without it drying out and someone who thinks successfully making spaghetti is a big deal. So me cooking something that tastes good is pretty spectacular.

My wife has gone back to America, the old country (I just wanted to say that) so I'm left to fend for myself until May. The past few days I have eaten a lot of different foods with Nutella on it for flavor and protein purposes. I have also made curry, which is pretty much just heating up canned curry and adding meat, and spaghetti, which was yummy. Then tonight I decided to branch out- chicken, veggies, and chevre chaud.

The chicken is salty and spicey and perfectly cooked (still juicy!), the veggies have a 4 seasoning blend on them that I dashed on piecemeal myself, the chevre chaud is perfectly gooey with a small soft baguette to spread it on. There's even leftover olive oil with infused spices left for the rest of the bread.

I'm so proud of myself and so happy because I was really hungry today! Yay for self-sufficiency and yay for good food!

Bon Appetite.

Oh, money.

I blog about money a lot. Well, I don't write entire posts about money, but I mention it pretty frequently because it rules my life to some extent. I pride myself on being a person who doesn't care about money, per se, meaning that I don't need a lot of it and I never judge a person's worth based on income. In fact, I think it's super cool (and pretty sexy, too) when someone just makes a comfortable living doing what they love or at least doing something really worthwhile. We have enough overpaid hot shots in the world, so I don't feel the need to be one myself or to seek them out as companions. Nevertheless, my current life status requires that I consider money in my every decision. This creates quite the paradox. I have to rank order everything I need and want, then make certain concessions for everything, hence the mention of money every time I blog about a trip, a purchase, a personal goal, etc.

Right now I earn enough to live in France in general, but I earn the same salary as assistants de langue living in places as expensive as Paris and an inexpensive as, say, Normandy. We all make the exact same wage and yet my cost of living is comparable to if I lived in Paris, except the only assistants de langue I have met living around Paris have FREE housing. The Academie de Nice where I work offers no such option, so three of us are sharing a nice apartment and our rent shares are still about half of our monthly salaries. Thank God for the CAF program, which operates based on the life principal that a person's rent should not exceed 25% of their monthly income, assuming of course that they are not trying to live in a palace while earning minimum wage.

Here's the good news- I have started receiving CAF payments. Thank goodness, because the next few months were looking a little scary (especially with one roommate leaving a month early so I have to pay an extra 180 euros in rent to cover it). However, the bad news is that a few expenses cropped up late last week and then I assumed I would get paid yesterday or today via direct deposit, so it would be OK. Additionally, my bank is a little slow to post things. So tonight at midnight I checked my bank account to see if, perchance, I was paid. Not only was I not paid, but a bunch of charges went through about 5 or 6 days after I actually bought the stuff. Now I am the proud owner of about 7.35 euros until I get paid [hopefully] later this week.

Luckily I've paid my bills, bought groceries, etc so I can survive, but this really sucks. I don't like cutting it this close with my finances and I really don't like that the Academie de Nice cannot be bothered to post the dates they plan to release our paychecks each month. If the CAF office, which serves several hundred thousand people throughout this Departement, can post its release dates six months in advance then why can't the Academie?

France perplexes me so often with things like this. The truth is this is not a big deal because I didn't overdraw and nobody is breathing down my neck to pay a bill. However, it amazes me that people in this country can live with such uncertainty and such reliance on bureaucratic requirements all the time. The paperwork, traveling to government offices, filings and secondary filings, never knowing how long something will take to process and never having a means of tracking the administrative process is frustrating at best and often maddening. Let's just say I've had a few migraines since I moved here.

France has been good to me. I'm healthier and more relaxed than I have ever been in my life. I even love the fact that it's impossible to find a cheap greasy meal because it's made me healthier, plus I'm more active and more comfortable with myself here. Don't even get me started on how great it is to live in a socialized society. Plus this is a culture where individuals are left to do as they please without being scorned by others or judged on sight while in public, and I'm living in a rather conservative area. It's been wonderful!

But, if I'm being honest, the bureaucracy is probably the primary reason I could never move here permanently. As a North American I believe things should operate simply and efficiently so as to require as little explanation as possible. This issue isn't just with administrative agencies either. It trickles down throughout the whole society into every workplace and even social situations. I think it's fair to say this has been the greatest source of culture shock for me since arriving in this country and is often what tempts me to pack my stuff and head for the airport.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get paid before some other "surprise" charge is posted to my account, though I'm pretty sure everything is accounted for at this point. Also, I have a job interview for the 2010-2011 term next Thursday at 00:30 French time (half past midnight, or 14:30 Alaskan time). Like I said in my last post, I'll continue to approach each interview with enthusiasm and hope that this is the one that will help me break into my career, but I refuse to become overly optimistic. It's just too hard on my ego when it doesn't work out. Anyway, that's really exciting and helping me to feel better about the situation overall.

Wish me luck!

I would like to take a moment to whine about my [fabulous] life...

Before I begin with my semi-annual bitch-fest, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge all that I have and how lucky I am. I am 24 years old, in good health, with a small but loving and supportive family, a wonderful partner and the best kitty cat a girl could ask for. I travel extensively and see and do so many amazing things. What's more, nobody in my life tries to make me feel guilty for any of these things. I am so lucky to have friends, family and acquaintances who celebrate my accomplishments and my good fortune with me.

Now I am 24 years old and I have finished undergrad, law school and passed the Bar Exam in Alaska. What's more, I get to live as an ex-pat in Europe for almost a year while I learn a language, meet new people, eat weird foods and see Western Europe. The best part of all is that, aside from some help and emotional support from my family, I am completely self-made. Every application and step required for my accomplishments and experiences with school, jobs, internships, travels, etc have been done by me and me alone. I have written every letter of motivation, every paper, made every phone call and raised the money/taken out the loans myself. So not only did I get to experience all of this, but I get to call it my own also. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now comes the bitching part: Why is it so difficult for young people who WANT to work to find work? I feel like the US has become a place that doles out money to the lazy and "disabled" (sorry, but I'm not buying most of it) but treats hardworking and willing Americans as though we should be grateful to get job offers. Jobs are not gifts, they're something you work for. Even if you have no education and you just fill out an application, get dressed up and go to the interview, you're working for that job already and there should be a position available for you that will allow you to support yourself.

Bringing this back around to my own situation, I do have a job right now. In fact, I haven't been unemployed since I was 15 years old except for my first year of law school and, let's face it, that's understandable. However, starting in May 2010 I will not have a job, not a career type job anyway. I have plans to work for my grandparents for the summer to fund my permanent move to Alaska, but that's just during the harvest season on their farm. Also, as much fun as it is, I didn't go to school for 7 years and incur $125,000 in debt to sell organic fruit. So at this point it's looking like I won't have a long-term job to look forward to after this teaching contract is up in May. I have applied for a series of positions that I am well-qualified for and have been interviewed, and then subsequently rejected, for two of them. My resume is great and I interview pretty well, I think, so what gives? What exactly do I have to do to earn the privilege of working hard for someone else 40+ hours per week just so I can meet my most basic needs and maybe fulfill my life long dream of paying my bills with earned money rather than borrowed money?

This little hissy fit I had in my head today lead me to mentally list all of the things I have done to earn the privilege of working, preferably in the legal field considering I gave 3 years of my life, a lot of money and very nearly lost my marriage during the whole experience. Plus, in my humble opinion, the shear cost and time required for my education entitles me to earn more than someone with just a bachelor's degree. So here's an abridged list of things I have done/continue to do in order to be deemed worthy to earn my own living:

• Started university at age 16 and finished my high school credits by age 17
• Maintained a high undergrad GPA, graduating with a 3.89
• Swam for my university for 2 years, including 6am practices, road trips, etc and received no scholarship money for it
• Earned 2 bachelor's degrees simultaneously
• Earned my JD by age 24, with a concentration in international finance and international trade
• Interned in Virginia, DC, Alaska, Buffalo, and NYC
• Always held one, if not two or three, part time jobs during the school year and in summers
• TA'ed an English at a community college when I was 17. My students where returning education students in their 30's and 40's and I only earned $75/week for hours of grading papers and helping with lessons.
• TA'ed an advanced research methods class when I was 20. My students were 20-22 years old. I gave lessons, administered examinations, provided hours of free tutoring to undergrads and graduate students and I did it all for class credit.
• Worked as an intern for FREE until I was 23 years old, then I made a whopping $1,500 per month for working 40-50 hours per week.
• Maintained solid grades in law school even when my marriage was falling apart, when I was sick as a dog, when I had no car and had to beg rides off classmates, when I was working 25 hours per week on top of 16 hours of classes.
• Had an article published in a professional law journal during my 2nd year. I wrote it entirely on my own with some editing from an attorney I knew, but it wasn't a "team effort" or a "co-authorship," it was mine.
• Met with dozens of attorneys in the DC area, begging for their time just so I could ask questions because, you see, I had never even met a lawyer until I went to law school.
• Moved to NYC my final semester to work with the best lawyers in the business. I hated it, but I worked my ass off and learned as much as I could AND I got a job on the side so I could afford to live there.
• I decided to move to Alaska because, presumably, the opportunities are better there than in New York and I don't have any real connections to any other places.
• Studied for the Bar Exam in Alaska, without knowing a soul in Anchorage.
• Worked for BarBri while studying for the Bar Exam, which only paid me about $800 total for all my work and I had to spend hours every week on the phone with the most unpleasant supervisor anyone has ever had. That woman has no soul and loves to crush everyone. I was actually afraid of failing the exam because I knew she would call to scream at me because I had ashamed the BarBri company.
• Passed the Alaska Bar Exam the first time. Take that, BarBri!
• Spent a total of $125k on my education, about another $3,000 on test prep tuition and costs, and $800 to sit for the Bar Exam not to mention what I spent supporting myself in very expensive cities while I worked for free as an intern.

After all of this I feel like I've paid my dues. Further, every time I am interviewed by someone they read my resume and remark at how active I have been, all of my accomplishments and my maturity for my age. They say how impressive it is that I took the bar exam right away in AK so I could pass it BEFORE taking my gap year so now I should be all set when I come back to the US. They say that I am articulate and interesting and funny and very pleasant. Then they write me an email a week later saying they cannot offer me a position.

Aside from my inability to guess or comprehend my lack of job offers, I am pissed at the state of our country. How is it possible that so many young people like myself, who have worked hard and stayed out of trouble, can have so much difficulty finding work? So, first of all, why is it so difficult to find a job and, secondly, why do would-be employers act like they are doing you a favor if they offer you an interview or a position? A job is not a gift, it is not something given to you out of kindness or charity. It is what we all need to live and be productive members of society. It is an opportunity to be useful to one's community and to earn one's way in the world. Everyone has to work, everyone! What's more, I want to a job that allows me to serve my community (state and local government, non-profit orgs, etc) and pays a live-able wage- just LIVE-ABLE! I'm not expecting or even trying for $125,000 per year like a lot of people I went to school with, just enough to not live in a shithole, to pay my student loans and maybe get a dog, start saving for a house and a baby. Am I being too greedy?

As I said before, I love my life and I am so lucky to have come this far and experienced so much, but there is one fundamental thing missing from my life that no willing and able person should have to go without. I need to start my career, but to do that I need somebody to give me a chance in the way of a first job. I need to break into the legal field and show my stuff. I need the opportunity to make a name and a reputation for myself so that when I am established I can give another eager and hardworking young person the chance to learn and grow and make a name for themselves.

Here concludes my semi-annual bitch-fest. For the next few months I will continue to take any interview I can get, put my best foot forward and hope for an offer. I will also start sending out more resumes, making more calls and testing the waters for other opportunities. This summer, if nothing has come of all of this, I will start to a) look for temp work, b) look for non-legal work c) panic or d) some combination of the above.

To end this [very long] post on a positive note: I wish the very best for everyone who comes across this blog to find a job that not only supports them but also fulfills them. I hope that all of you who are looking for work in our great nation can find it and can lead happy, productive lives knowing that you can care for yourself and are doing some good in the world. Most of all, I hope that all of our hard work in our youths has not been in vain and that we can use our [very expensive] educations to rebuild our country to its former greatness.

Starting Over, Sort Of

When I first arrived in France it was a total whirlwind experience. First was the jetlag, then the sudden immersion into the language via my job training courses being entirely in French (which was weird seeing as there were over 100 English Assistants in the same room with a few profs to train us, it seems that majority does not always rule). Then I had to deal with a gauntlet of stressful situations like finding a place to live, figuring out things like getting groceries, the bus, etc. By the time I had caught my breath from that Leigh arrived and it felt like I had done all of that preparation for her to be here.

We had an amazing time together. I couldn't be happier that she came to stay with me for so long. In addition to sharing some amazing travel experiences together, it was so great to have her as part of my daily life. She was here for 3 months without a job to go to everyday and only had seemingly mundane tasks to occupy herself and yet we only had one actual argument. The argument was actually the product of us both being stressed out about my French bank account going haywire and me having to open a new one, so it wasn't even a relationship issue just life sucking for a few days.

Anyway, my point is that we did really well here even though she wasn't working and I was only working about 20 hours per week so we spent all our time together, we had to watch every centime to support ourselves, and we were in a whole new world dealing with "lost in translation" moments on a daily basis. We enjoyed each other's company and had a great time. I grew in several ways by having to be even more of the dominant personality (ordering in restaurants, asking directions, etc) and Leigh grew in that she started doing things by herself eventually in spite of not speaking any French. In the States she would let me do the talking because she's shy but here if the person spoke some English she would jump in and speak with them because it is a rare opportunity here. So I guess all I'm saying is that this was a really great experience for us both.

Now that it's just me here I'm having to switch gears completely. Aside from cooking for myself and doing my own laundry, both of which are going fine thank you very much, I also have to start thinking like a single person again. This may sound strange to people back home, but when you have to take a bus and a wheely suitcase to the grocery store, then a bus back and walk a half mile uphill and climb the stairs to your apartment, you have to change the way you think about buying groceries. In France things like this are just easier with another person. I went to Carrefour yesterday by myself for the first time since early October and it was a tough experience all around but I successfully bought everything I needed for at least the next two weeks, so yay me!

I think the most important way I have to change my thinking is in the use of m free time. Last night I got home and I was pretty tired from my day, but after I watched Grey's Anatomy on my computer and chatted online with my grandmother for a while it was still only 11:00 and that was my day. Now that it's just me I'm going to have to make more efforts to be social, go out at night and live my life while I'm here. When it's "Leigh and Emily" it's OK to stay home most of the time and just keep each other company, but when it's just "Emily" I don't want to turn into a lame, bah humbug type person who just works and runs errands when she's not exploring new cities and visiting museums while "on holiday."

Alas, thus begins My Life in France Version 2.0. Today I will do laundry, get some exercise, study French I to brush up on basic grammar, and maybe go down to the English bookstore later to find something a bit lighthearted to accompany my quest to read Bleak House (ugh).