Future Thoughts

For some reason I can never stop thinking about what I want in the future. Not to say that I'm incapable of enjoying the moment, but each sliver of boredom inevitably leads to daydreams about plans: in 2 weeks, in 6 months, next year, in 5 years, when I'm old.

The good news is that I'm once again comfortable having the "when I'm old" daydreams because I recently got great news from the doctor! My blood chemistry is "almost completely normal" after a month of medication and careful dieting. Of course, I have to continue both therapies (meds and dieting), but it looks like I have a fighting chance of living a long time.

Things are going well for Leigh and I right now. We've recently had a lot of little triumphs and excitement. First and foremost, we bought a house this year. This is HUGE! If you'd asked me last summer if I thought I'd own a house in Anchorage I'd say, "Are you crazy? Have you seen my clerking salary and the cost of real estate in Alaska?! No freakin' way!" But yes, it all worked out, and Leigh and I now have a cute little house that will serve as a cozy home for now and an investment later. We couldn't be more pleased. Leigh also has a job, a really good one that she likes and can take her places. We like where we live, meaning we BOTH like it, and we're now mommies to a puppy and our trusty Juneau Cat.

Things are good, but I'm getting bored with work. My current clerkship ends in about 2 weeks, then I start another, very different, clerkship. My workload will be higher and I expect I'll be supervised more closely. I've been warned there will be some Saturdays and many evenings. The good news is these things add up to more cash value for unused vacation, the bad news is that I'm still earning a small salary for a lot of work and the work is pretty much the same as I'm doing now: legal research, writing memos, writing orders. Nothing wrong with writing, in fact it's the backbone of my profession, but I sometimes wonder when the day will come that I get to sit in on a meeting and strategize with other attorneys. I'm waiting for the day when I get to negotiate for something instead of always having to be so reasonable and so even-minded.

So I start daydreaming. It's too risky to daydream about my next job because these things NEVER turn out the way you think they will. I can only hope I wind up working on civil issues (preferably in the private sector), the rest is up to the employers. But I can daydream about the rest of my life. I read a quote about lawyers working abroad that said, "you can be the captain of your ship." That's what I want: the opportunity to set my own course.

So I told Leigh today that, assuming I have some luck finding work after my second clerkship, we need to just plan to "retire" really early. In my wildest dreams I'd imagine spending some years in Europe, first to attend an international business program then to work a bit. Then I'd want us to live in Southeast Asia for a while. We could work a bit and rent out our house in the US. After that, maybe Latin America? We could see the world, have a wonderful work-life balance, and enjoy the fruits of our labors (working our way through school then living sensibly and working a lot as young adults).

Now "retirement" for me can mean any number of things: working part-time, going back to school, consulting, working for an NGO, teaching in some capacity, contract work, or not working at all. It really depends on my financial situation and level of boredom. Leigh has expressed an interest in either not working or being transferred to an overseas location of her current job. These things can happen. Leigh is really on-board with the idea, which I also would not have beleived if you'd asked me a few years ago!

So now we have to buckle down back to reality. I have another year of clerking left and a marathon of job searching to do during that time. It'll likely be one of the more stressful times in my life because, well, this job search is the one that really counts. Then I can focus on closer things: creating financial stability, taking a real vacation, maybe starting a family. If we keep these goals in mind then this dream can come true. If not, well, I'm sure we'll let it evaporate in favor of another dream that we haven't even come up with yet.

Hey Juneau, you left your rainy weather in Anchorage!

We are having some seriously icky weather here in Anchorage. While I know it's a myth that rainy weather makes people ill, I'm pretty sure this wet and coldness can be blamed for my scratchy throat and lack of energy. Monday I was feeling really rundown and failed to sleep well that night. No idea what the problem is, but by Tuesday I was about at my wit's end, so I did the most sensible thing and went to bed at 8pm. Nearly 12 hours of sleep, even if I did wake up a few times, really did the trick. Today I'm feeling a lot better, though not certain that whatever ickiness I have is completely gone. I'll have to continue fighting it with lots of hot tea and tasty, healthy treats. For example, I've been craving scones and jam like nobody's business, so sometime this weekend I'll make whole grain scones with dried fruit to serve with hot tea. Yummmm....

This dreary weather makes me want to run away. I'm back to daydreaming about future trips, the sights, the food I'll enjoy, visiting friends near and far. Today I even started to miss my last semester of law school when I was in Manhattan. The reason? So I can get Halal food from a street cart! Good think I have family in and near NYC so when I just can't take it anymore I can hop a plane (or two) and visit.... In the meantime I'll just have to trudge through my work week and then do a little shopping. That always lifts my spirits, at least temporarily...

Cannelle the puppy dog isn't quite herself, once again. The first week we had her she developed a UTI. Antibiotics did the trick, but now she's having similar problems again. Poor baby. We've set her up so that she has access to water and puppy pads all day long. Hopefully whatever she's suffering from will pass on its own. If not, it's back to the vet for poor little Cannelle....

Juneau Cat is doing great in the new house. She has her designated cuddle times, usually when the puppy is playing in the yard and at bedtime. She also has a perch at the top of the stairs where she can watch the goings-on of the house in a very non-commital, cat-like way. She is the most perfect little companion and has put up with so much from us!

On the human health front: Leigh and I are both doing really well! Compared to the state we were both in about three weeks ago, I'm very proud of us. Leigh has been eating normally and has her energy back and I've been eating carefully about 80% of the time and have held my weight steady (10 pounds lighter since my diganosis!). I'd like to lose another 10 lbs before Christmas, so hopefully I can break my current plateau weight and start losing again. When ski season comes around I'll burn more calories everyday and tone up from playing in the snow. I want to lose the weight at a steady but slow pace so it stays off instead of fluctuating like it normally does. Most importantly, I'm hoping my blood tests come back with some positive changes to help guide my way to good health.

Getting Well and Catching the Travel Bug

This year has been a tought one for Leigh and I. We moved to Alaska with high hopes and a low bank account, set up house in a tiny apartment for nearly a year and then decided to buy a place. The new house is great, but with every step forward in life there is usually some hardship. Obtaining the house itself was no small feat, and this summer has been wrought with loss and stress. Leigh lost her father suddenly in May and she and I are both learning of some medical problems we've had for sometime but are just now learning about. In short, it's been a tough summer, not at all what we would have imagined a year ago, but we're getting through it one day at a time.

Today I took Leigh for a round of tests at her doctor's office. This trip was much-anticipated and yielded the expected results. We are hoping she'll find herself on the path to recovery and a better quality of life very soon. As for my test results, well I haven't heard anything back from my doctor yet, but it usually takes him about a week to call or write. I hope to hear from him soon though because I've used up my 30 supply of meds and would like to know what the game plan is from here on out. Hopefully, with some diligence, we'll both be on the mend and able to make long term plans very soon.

On a happier note, we've started zeroing in on some fun activities for the remaining warm weather. Right now we're planning to do some camping in Homer, AK in about two weeks. I think we will just load up the car and go, then find a camping spot when we get into town. Knowing me, I'll break down at the last minute and make some calls to get a sense of how crowded each camping ground is before we start driving. I just can't leave ANYTHING up to chance, can I?

We are also renting a cabin in Hope, AK for Labor Day. I made these reservations months ago (see above) and have been looking forward to it ever since! We're excited to take the puppy hiking and enjoy a campfire and some reading time. It should be relaxing and a nice break from "big city life" (as Alaskans tend to refer to Anchorage).

Speaking of trips and such, we are already super excited about Christmas this year. We've bought all of our plane tickets already and are making a game plan to have plenty of spending money for our 10 days off! We're flying into Orlando, then from Jacksonville to Virginia, then back to Anchorage. We'll get to visit Harry Potter world, my brother's family in Florida and maybe even walk on the beach, and then visit Leigh's family in Virginia for holiday dinners and relaxation. We're so excited to spend time with family and make time for some real vacation activities too.

This trip got us thinking about future trips. I decided a few weeks ago to take a solo trip before my second year of clerking ends. In the end I decided to fly to Europe on Condor in May 2012, visit a few new cities and some friends I made last year and spend a few days at Taizé. I'll likely couch surf most of the time and just enjoy wandering around a few European cities on my own. Plus, singing and praying with the monks is always a great way to spend a few days. This should be a great trip!

Then I got to thinking about how Leigh won't be able to go anywhere for a long time. She's had to take so much time off due to illness and family emergencies that it'll be over a year before she can take time off without owing it back. Then I started thinking about how much fun I had that last time I visited the UK and that Leigh is always saying she'd like to go there. Then it hit me, Christmas in the UK! Leigh got on board with this idea right away. We'll fly into London, visit some friends and see the sights, maybe take a side trip to Oxford or Manchester, then take the train to Scotland to Edinburgh and Glasgow. I'm also planning to see the Highlands in some fashion, either on our own or on a guided bus tour. It'll be cold and dreary, but isn't the UK ALWAYS cold and dreary (*wink*)? Regardless of weather, we'll enjoy the atmosphere, the food, the sights and the history for about two weeks.

Well, I guess I've been daydreaming a year ahead for long enough now. I really should focus on today some more. Work has been busier than normal and home has been so busy I can hardly catch my breath! Back to work so I can run home and finish up a few projects...

Seasons Change

We're in the heart of summer right now, but everything is changing around me so I feel kind of like a kid about to start a new school year.

We're about 80% settled into the new house, and everyday it seems like we need to buy or do something new. This weekend we need to get a lawn mower, some gardening odds and ends, and I want to buy some more paint so we can finish decorating and hanging pictures. The whole family (kitty and puppy included) are loving the new house. It's exactly what we needed. Enough space without being too much upkeep, outdoor space for the furry children, close to work and businesses we frequest, and on a quiet street. I've even discovered two little shortcut paths from the cul de sacs onto the main road into the neighborhood. Makes dog walks and bike rides a little more direct.

Speaking of bike rides, I rode my bike to work this morning for the first time. I made the fatal error of trusting Google Maps and not questioning the seemingly insane route it chose for me. My penalty was riding my bike through thick woods on a single tire track filled with tree roots and often severed by "No Trespassing" signs and homemade fences. I was just waiting for a bear to jump out and grab me or a homeless person or an angry property owner with a shotgun to jump out at me. OK, so it's not exactly wilderness or the Mat-Su valley, but it's close enough to make me feel uneasy. I was not pleased and was certain I was lost. Luckily, after some gathering of courage, I pushed forward and wound up on the Coastal Trail near work. Yes, it was a "shortcut" but you know what they say about shortcuts.... Anyway, I took a second look at the map and found there's a non-bikepath residential road that nearly parallels the insane path I took this morning. Same mileage, etc, but less scary. Then I could always go the long way that I'm very familiar with. I guess that's what I get for being adventurous in the morning before work!

Speaking of work, my co-clerk finished up her time here yesterday. Now it's just me until the new clerk starts but I have no clue when that is. I thought it was today (?) but apparrently not. Maybe Monday? Anyway, I'll train him and then my own replacement before moving to the Superior Court on September 1. I'm feeling very ready to move forward to new tasks and a new routine. By this time next year I can imagine I'll be chomping at the bit to start a permanent position, I just wonder what that'll be....

After a health scare and a trip to the ER last Saturday, Leigh is feeling pretty good. She was getting dehydrated so we took her in for fluids and some quick meds. She'll go in for some tests on Monday morning. Hopefully this will lead to answers and some long term care for her, which will be both a huge relief health-wise and money-wise.

For my own health, I've been eating very well and watching the numbers go down on the scale. So far I've lost 10 pounds since my initial visit with my endocronologist. This past Monday morning I went in for a second round of blood tests to see how my meds are working out. I really hope my triglycerides are significantly lower so I can stay on these meds. They're fairly affordable with my insurance and easy to take everyday. Next I'm really hoping to find a good cholesterol/insulin resistance medication to take care of those problems and help me achieve more weight loss. My current plan is to lose as much weight as I can through dieting alone, then integrate some weight training to build muscle. This seems to be the most effective way to see significant changes without plateauing or getting frustrated. Plus I can keep an eye on my body fat percentages and overall weight easier if I'm not packing on heavy muscle at the same time.

The only other news is that we've allowed Cannelle Puppy to drop out of puppy school. The class was just too big for her to get a lot of attention and we felt we've learned enough about how to teach her things to work with her at home. It seems silly, but we're more likely to work with her at home 10 mins per day than to make an hour long class after a long week of work and errands. Oh well, c'est la vie. She's a great puppy and a smarty pants, we just need to stay on her and she'll turn out just fine.

Well, that's the news this week. I should get started on the file sitting on my desk....

First Week at Home

Today closes our first week living in the new house. We love it here. It's so much bigger than the places we've lived during the past two years. Not nearly as big as our apartments in Buffalo, but those were actually too big for us and they weren't as functional. This house is the perfect size and layout for us to have personal space without feeling lost and the place is updated to the point of being extremely comfortable without being overwhelming or overdone. Best of all, the kitty and puppy love this house! They can get away from each other when they need to, play in the yard for exercise and bathroom breaks, and hang out with us when they care to be social. It's perfect for all members of the family.

Our first week here has been sullied, to use an old fashioned term, only by other life concerns. I have been following a strict, low triglyceride, diet for about 3 weeks now and have seen some outward changes. As of Tuesday I had lost a total of 8 lbs since my last doctor's appointment, but put on about 2 lbs yesterday due to some indulgence at a work luncheon and a dinner out. Hopefully I can shed that 2 lbs again this week and a bit more on top of that. I'd like to break into a new weight range before my next doctor's appointment. I've also noticed that when I eat heavier foods with more saturated fat, etc that my tummy gets a bit upset and I can feel some slight cardiovascular differences. Basically, my chest will feel a bit tight and sometimes I get a tiny shooting pain in my biceps and forearms. Maybe I'm just imagining that part, but eating lighter foods that won't spike my cholesterol and triglycerides generally makes me feel better than not doing so, though I'm often tired from failing to find healthy protein sources.

Leigh's health has been deteriorating since we came back from Virginia for her father's memorial service. When we initially returned home she became very ill, but we assumed it was brought on by stress and travel. She got some antibiotics and started feeling better for a few weeks. Then last week she became very ill. The only trigger I can recall is a very spicy dinner we had. Maybe that caused an overall flare up or maybe it's just coincidence and she was "due" for some pain and suffering. Either way it's been really hard on her. Good thing she has some appointments and tests scheduled soon. We are both eager to get her on a good treatment regimen so she can get back to her old self.

These health concerns have put a small damper on the new house. We haven't really broken the place in at all yet! The kitchen is still in disarray even though Leigh has been looking forward to setting it up for weeks. We haven't had the time or energy to move our clothing into the closets and we have only used Leigh's new grill once! Travesty! But this is what happens when you're busy with work, medical stuff, puppy school, errands, etc.

We even had a relative visit this week for a few days! Leigh's grandmother was traveling through town on a bus tour, so we made as much time as possible to spend with her when she wasn't busy sight-seeing. She seems to be having a wonderful trip and it was great to see her. We were really happy to be able to show her the house she helped make possible and we were proud to know how much she's enjoying her visit to our new home. On multiple occasions she said, "well, I can certainly see why you like it here so much!"

I can't express how glad I am that it's the weekend now. I need some down time, though I expect I'll use every minute of my weekend to get things done. Tomorrow I have an appointment and we MUST do some shopping for the house. We don't even have a kitchen garbage bin yet! Then there's endless unpacking and tidying to do and, of course, laundry. At some point the puppy could use some homework time (we're learning "stay" and "wait" now) I could REALLY use a nap!

Speaking of naps, it's about my bedtime.... a la prochaine!

Moving Day

Last Thursday was our closing day on the house (!!!). After two months of anticipation and stress, we were literally biting our nails all of last week waiting for Thursday. Not only were we very excited to get our keys and such, but also because nobody had bothered to calculate our actual down payment until Wednesday afternoon. After MUCH back and forth about it, calculating numbers as much as $1,200 in any given direction, we were finally given an amount MUCH MUCH higher than mentioned ever before. It turns out that the geniuses at the mortgage company made the loan for an amoutn $2,000 less than needed because they failed to calculate our earnest money properly.

The end result was choosing between our $2,000 earnest money or insisting that the mortgage company go back and fix things, which would delay closing by as much as 3 weeks or so. We decided to take the path of least resistance and just pay a larger down payment. Instead of the minimum 3.5% for FHA loans, we ended up paying more like 4.46% down. The $2,000 difference is tough for us right now because we're between paychecks and had hoped to have a cushion, but ultimately we are just happy to be in the house.

That night I decided to take a personal day on Friday to finish packing the apartment and oversee the movers. This was the best decision I could have made! My stress levels reduced significantly by being able to spend the morning getting organized, loading up the car and keeping an eye on the pets. The movers were amazing and had our place cleared out in under and hour. All of our boxes and furniture were piled up in the new house within 2 hours of the guys starting at the apartment! Needless to say, they got a nice tip for being so mindful of my time and money.

The rest of the weekend was spent cleaning the old apartment for our subletter and making the new place functional for the coming work week. We also made a run to Lowes to buy some paint and basic items. So far we've mostly set up the kitchen and arranged the furniture, put the bed together and set up the dressers. The bathroom is functional but we're not completely moved in yet. I've been really focused on priming and painting the spare bedroom so we can arrange the furniture and start enjoying that room. By this evening it will be painted a calm yellow color called "Beeswax." We also really need to focus on getting boxes unpacked and our clothing arranged so it's easier to get dressed in the morning. At this point it will likely be a few months before things are exactly as we want them, but that's OK. Setting up our first house is so much more fun than moving into apartments!

On the health front, things are looking good. I've been vigilant about eating foods that I can metabolize properly and avoiding foods that will cause my triglycerides and cholesterol to spike. In the meantime I've lost a total of 8 pounds since my last doctor's appointment! I need to lose quite a bit more, but this is a good steady pace of weight loss so far. I will need to go into the lab this week or next to have some bloodwork done and see how my medications are working. Fingers crossed!

More From the Home Front

After yet another house-buying hiccup, it seems we are finally ready to close! The ONLY item we have left to provide to the mortgage company is the re-inspection, or post-repairs, documents. This will just tell the mortgage company that the requested repairs were done properly so that the house is worth the mortgage amount. Hopefully that will be done by the end of this week. We will also get to do another walk-through to approve the house and the seller wants to show us a few odds and ends including where the garden perrenials.

So that's a nice turn of events! I was getting so stressed out about this process. It felt like no matter how on top of things I was with getting documents and money together that I was always falling behind. Using an FHA mortgage made the process even more complicated. This process has taught me a lot though. First of all, it's always better to buy a home with your own money rather than gift money. If you MUST use gift money, it's better to have it in your own account for several months prior to applying for the mortgage. This cuts down on paperwork. Finally, it's best of all to get a non-FHA mortgage because less paperwork is required. All you have to do is show that you have the down payment and good credit and voila, there's your house!

So we've been doing some Craigslist furniture shopping and basic packing. This weekend we need to really rev things up and finish the packing. Movers are scheduled for Friday July 15! In the meantime life is continuing regardless of the house process: things at work are getting a little busier for several reasons and my head is in the clouds about moving and being a homeowner. I'm also daydreaming about life after closing. We've spent the whole summer buying this house and dealing with medical issues, so we haven't really had any fun! First order of business, after moving in, will be a weekend in Homer with the puppy dog. We could use a weekend away, a change of scenery and some camping time. Most of all, we're excited to watch Cannelle the Puppy play on the beach and maybe dig for Razor Clams!

Well, I should get to work!

It's been a while.

Since my one certain reader (Leigh) recently pointed out that I haven't posted in a while, I thought I'd do an update:

House buying operations are in full swing again. We had a little hiccup last week when our less than genius mortgage processor started asking my relatives for some rather sensitive information. This didn't go over well with my libertarian, advanced in years relatives. So I fired him and asked for his supervisor to handle things from now on. I believe he is still technically processing the loan, but I don't have to communicate with him anymore, so I'm pretty satisfied with that outcome. Now we're just two pieces of paper away from approval and only 2 weeks away from closing. SO FREAKING EXCITING!!!

Leigh has been feeling much better lately. She has also started seeing a doctor for long-term care, which is a minor miracle if you know her like I do. In addition, she's getting hooked on chiropractic adjustments thanks to a Groupon we both bought last week. I had my first adjustment last night and was pretty pleased with the dramatic crunching noise my neck made. I'm hoping after a short series my daily headaches will ease up and I'll have less lower back and shoulder stiffness. Luckily we are both insured this year (I'm better insured than I'd like to be, thanks to my being over-zealous during open enrollment at work. Oh well) so we might as well get as much care as we can, right?

Speaking of medical issues, I've started seeing an endocrinologist and have some results. As of yesterday my fasting lab results (without the influence of omega-3 supplements or a multivitamin) show that my triglycerides are around 1920 (500 is considered extremely high, so mine is considered "sludge blood") and my cholesterol is 486 (it should be under 200). This is very bad news, especially considering the lack of hamburgers and canned cheese in my diet. First order of business is to get me on pharmaceutical grade omega-3 supplements. Hopefully that will get my triglycerides down from the "sludge blood" range and closer to the "extreme" range. Second order of business is dietary changes: lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, minimal sugars, processed foods, or meat (at least for now). The goal is to get my numbers down, then see what I can have from time to time for quality of life. Third order of business will be the addition of other drug therapies to further reduce my cholesterol and increase my insulin sensitivity, but the doctor wants to see how one medication affects my numbers first. That seems reasonable. If these drugs don't do the trick I might ask to be put on the water pill as well to help me lose a few extra pounds (which can help your bloodwork look better) in addition to traditional weightloss methods.

The kitty and puppy are doing really well. Cannelle is up to 27 pounds now and is turning into a really beautiful doggy. She is loving and playful and enjoys puppy playdates with her canine friends. Juneau is getting used to Cannelle slowly but surely. When we move into the house I think both furry children will be happier in general.

That's about it for now. I will try to write about more interesting things, but it's just been so crazy lately that it's all I can do to get through my day with some measure of success.

Medical Update

A month and some change ago I went to the doctor for my annual visit. The NP took some blood and the results came back a bit.... odd... and scary also. My cholesterol levels were very high (imagine an extremely overweight middle-aged person who eats a lot of fast food) and my triglycerides were so high that my LDL cholesterol could not be accurrately read.

I can only imagine that this news would cause most people (including myself) to think: "Well, Fat Ass, eat better and exercise and your lab result won't be so scary."

The problem with this knee-jerk reaction is that I eat pretty darn healthy. When I do eat fast food (which is rare) I order a lower calorie option and tend to go for grilled, not fried. On a daily basis I tend to eat a lot of lean white meat, veggies, yogurt, fruit, whole grains, etc. I even do a lot of my own baking (using natural alternative sweeteners) so I know what's in my food. Needless to say, myself and my NP were perplexed, so I went to an endocronologist today.

Basically my specialist said I have metabolic syndrome, which essentially means I am genetically inclined to have high triglycerides and high cholesterol. This also means I have to avoid certain foods and take medication to control my numbers, probably for the rest of my life. Failure to do so will result in heart conditions, pancreatitis, cardiovascular disease, heart attack and basically and early death. The OTHER condition I have is an autoimmune disease called Hoshimoto's Thyroiditis, which basically means my body is breaking down my thyroid gland and my thyroid isn't producing the hormone T4. I can take a hormone supplement for this, but over time my thyroid will become less and less functional and will have to be monitored for the rest of my life.

The good news is there are drug therapies to help me maintain good health. The bad news is that part of maintaining my health will include some very careful meal planning and food restrictions. Some foods I cannot have are:

• White flour (bleached/enriched)- I already mostly eat whole wheat, but I need to completely cut out breads, pastas, crackers, white rice, and snacks that are not made with whole wheat or whole grains.


• Refined sugars- ALL OF THEM. This is tough because most foods have added sugar. Obviously this means no white sugar, but it might also mean no brown sugar (not sure). This is a problem for me because I LOVE Nutella and chocolate in general. I suppose I could eat mostly dark chocolate, which has much lower sugar levels, but it still sucks big time.


• Fats- anything "partially hydrogenated," animal fats, trans fats, saturated fats, coconut and palm oils.


• Alcohol- drinking can cause your triglyceride levels to spike. My doctor says I should cut out wine altogether because it spikes blood levels and contains empty calories. Fair enough, but I don't think I can live forever without wine (or chocolate, for that matter). The good news is that all online sources indicate that cutting out alcohol is a great way to reduce triglycerides to normal levels. After achieving normal levels a person could occassionally indulge.

I'm basically getting the sense that the United States is a nation filled with triglycerides, so I'm not sure how successful I will be at making dietary changes that have a measurable effect on my bloodwork. The good news is I can rely on drug therapy for my most dramatic changes, but the bad news is this will likely marginalize any improvements, possibly effecting my overall health and lifespan.

Thank God It's Wednesday...

...because tomorrow's Thursday and then it's Friday. I'm exhausted today! Yesterday evening I played soccer mom, filling in for a friend who is studying for the Bar Exams. Her 5 year old son hung out at our apartment for about 2 hours then I took him to his 20:00 soccer game. First of all, who in the world thought it was a good idea to have 5 year olds playing soccer so late in the evening?! I could tell he was winding down from his day and not really wanting to play, but he stuck it out till the end. I was tired too after working, stressing about Cannelle, and being unsure about how to adapt my schedule to his soccer schedule. So basically I forgot to eat dinner until nearly 22:00 and wasn't in bed till 23:00. So unhealthy!

This morning I'm wiped out and Cannelle's schedule is all off too. It turns out she doesn't like wet grass and refuses to use the bathroom when it's raining. This is something I can train around, but I can't do that in the 10 minutes I have for her basic needs in the morning. This evening I'll start by making sure she goes (even if I have to stand on the lawn for an hour) and then I'll make sure she gets plenty of exercise. I've also read that taking a dog swimming helps because they no longer feel weird about being wet, so I'll have to try that too. Anyway, this is just another thing to learn in this process.

In other news, Leigh and I have been talking about our schedules for the coming year. I have another year working as a law clerk and she will be in the same job next year. Unfortunately Leigh has more than maxed out her time off, so she's not going anywhere until Christmas and then she'll still be maxed out (thanks to companies everywhere deciding that people should use earned personal time to attend to things like deaths in the family- not cool) for a few months afterwards. On the other hand, I've been earning time off since last August and have only taken roughly 12 days or so for vacation, bereavement and sick days. Plus my job is pretty flexible (I can make up days on a Saturday if needed), so right now I still have 5 days left and I'll earn another 12 before we go back East for Christmas.

This long explanation is to outline why Leigh thinks I should go on a trip next year without her. Assuming we don't have any major unforseen expenses, I'm thinking I'll go to Europe for 2 weeks to visit some friends, see some new cities and spend a few days at Taizé. This is a far better idea than going to Asia by myself, partly because I want to share that with Leigh and partly because the places I plan to visit in Europe are very safe for solo travelers. In Asia I'd want a friend to help me keep an eye on my bags and my wallet. Europe isnt' free of theft, of course, but I'll blend in easily and I've already experienced the culture, so I can essentially hit the ground running. Bottom line: my odds for a successful solo trip are 1,000X better in Europe than in Asia. We still want to visit Southeast Asia, but that can wait a few years when we're both able to take the time off rather than it being something we've forced to happen.

IF I get to go to Europe, I've decided to fly into Vienna or Prague because I've been wanting to visit both cities for a while now. I'll spend a few nights there visiting the surrounding areas, then fly to Munich. If possible, I'd like to visit a friend living near Munich, but if she's not available to host me I will probably just make other arrangements. Then I'll take the train to Strasbourg to see that city for 2 days or so (since I've decided I'd love to move there for biz school, I should probably visit, right? Right!). Then I'll take the trian to Taizé and study with the monks for 4 or 5 days, over a weekend, before taking the train to Geneva and visiting a friend who lives there for probably 2 nights. I will fly home from Geneva. The flight will cost about $1,000 roundtrip and subsequent travel costs will be under $200. Food costs will be minimal because I will buy street and grocery food mostly. Lodging will be mostly free because I will stay with friends or find couchsurfing hosts. Presents will probably cost a little bit because I'll want to bring home gifts from Taizé, chocolate, wine, and some odds and ends for the new house plus some Christmas gifts.

However, IF I get to go to Europe I'll likely be sacrificing my new bicycle (they cost about the same amount). AND, if my medical bills are too high or something happens while moving into the new house then all bets are off. The bottom line is that I have a rather long checklist of things I need and want to do, all of which cost money, and this trip and my bicycle are tied for last place on that list. However, with some focus, some patience, and some faith I think Leigh and I can accomplish everything we set our minds to.

Life with Cannelle, Juneau, Leigh, and the new house

A lot has been happening the past few weeks. Leigh and I returned home from our sudden and sad trip to the East Coast, floundered a bit while settling back into life and are now starting to make sense. When we first got home from the East Coast Leigh became very ill and took a few days off from work. Honestly, the timing was pretty OK because she needed the days off anyway to have some alone time and process what had just happened. I've been a little out of sorts myself, mostly just due to traveling and being uncertain about some things at work. On top of all of that I've been dealing with the house purchase almost by myself, not because Leigh doesn't want to help but because I've been the point person on this and then had to keep things going while Leigh attended to her family.

In short, it's been a long couple of weeks.

Then I adopted a puppy. Probably not the best timing, but you can't plan for these things unless you want to buy a bred dog, which I'm totally against doing for my own family. I've always adopted pets and have typically had very good experiences. Aside from one or two, all of my pets have been well-behaved and loyal. Those who weren't found themselves living at my dad's house where they have lots of space to be their anti-social selves without destroying my apartment. Anyway, Cannelle is a doll so far. She's smart and well-behaved, save for a few puppy moments. I'm eager to get her into obedience classes so I don't do accidentlaly reinforce bad behavoirs while she's still really young, but I think she should get her next round of shots first.

Juneau Cat has been a real champ about this. At first she was pretty upset and found hiding places to get some personal space. It's only been 3 days and already she's learning to share living space with the puppy, puffing up and hissing when Cannelle gets too close. There haven't been any chases, fights or vindictive bathroom "accidents" yet though, which I find nothing short of amazing. Dividing the apartment into "Cat" and "Puppy" areas for 2 days seems to have done the trick. Now we have Cannelle in a sectioned off "puppy safe area" during the day so that Juneau can roam free and Cannelle can play and have access to her bed, food, and puppy pads.

The house purchasing process is nearly complete! As of this morning we only need to provide one more document before we can officially schedule the closing! This is so exciting! We are ready to move now (but we're not packed), but it'll be about 30 days before we can actually get out of apartment. Good things come to those who wait, right?

Bonjour Cannelle

Today was crazy!!! A co-worker let me know about a litter of chesapeake bay retriever/yellow lab mix puppies. I contacted the owner and let her know I was interested. I then started the tedious process of talking Leigh in to letting me have a puppy, seeing as we're moving into our new house soon and will have a yard. Eventually she gave in, after I promised to walk and feed the puppy and to love it and to make sure that our kitty Juneau still feels loved.

Then Leigh found another litter on Craigslist- black lab/German shepherd mix. I called about these puppies too, thinking the breeds might be better and the dog might be a little bit smaller. The owner of this litter said he could meet me at 5pm in Big Lake, a small town on the other side of Wasilla (about an hour away). After an 60 miles of driving, including being stuck in roadwork traffic for an extra 20 minutes or so, I arrived at the address in Big Lake to find the owner not there and a message from his toothless girlfriend that all the female puppies were already sold. Seriously!?!?!

I got back to my car, in Toothless-Can't-Keep-Appointment-Hicks-R-Us, Alaska, and contacted the owner of the retriever litter. She said I could stop by on the way home and meet the last girl puppy she had and discuss the needs of a larger breed dog. 40 minutes later I was meeting the cutest brown puppy in the world. The owner of the litter showed me the yard space she was used to and told me a lot about raising a dog from puppy-hood and I got to meet the puppy's parents. 30 minutes later I had written a check to cover her shots so far and we were on our way home!

We named her Cannelle, French for cinnamon, because it's a cute name and she is brown. She's a sweet girl, fairly quiet, and very well behaved. She is already responding to "sit" and is slowly learning her name.

Here's the other thing: she's HUGE! Today she turned 10 weeks old and is already over 20 pounds. She's going to be a very big doggie.

Look at that face!

We're so excited to have her, but also a little bit out of our element. We wandered around PetSmart for an hour trying to find what we needed to make her feel at home. I think we're set for now, but this will definitely be a learning process! I see "Puppies for Dummies" being added to our reading lists very soon!

Swedish v. English: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

The Millenium Trilogy needs no introduction. I started reading the first installation when my grandmother gave me her copy. I devoured it in a weekend. Then I bought the second book, finished it in a few days, and had to wait for the third book to become available in paperback. In the end I couldn't wait for it, so I bought a used hardcover copy and didn't even come up for air before I'd finished it. These books aren't classic literature, but they do speak to important social issues, they're gritty, the characters are interesting and mysterious, and the settings of the story are fascinating to me (a traveler who has never been to Scandinavia or Eastern Europe).

Needless to say, I was excited to learn the books had been made into movies, in Swedish no less! This spoke to my love of languages, especially since I have rarely had the opportunity to hear Swedish spoken. I thought the movies were pretty great. The characters were depicted well and the screenplay made a thorough attempt to fit all important aspects of the story into a reasonable amount of screen time. Of course, I had my complaints, but in all I enjoyed the movies very much after having read the books.



In particular, I loved Noomi Rapace as Salander. She took on this roll with gusto. The on-screen Salander wasn't pretty or charming or easy to like, but she was true to the written character. At times I found her downright frightening. Basically, Rapace took on this roll as a character actor, not a filmstar darling. Michael Nyvquist was an obvious choice for Blomkvist because he IS Sweden's leading man. About 10 years ago he played an abusive husband in Tillsammans (Together). At that time he was pretty cute. Now he's a bit older and smidge portly, but I can see why he'd be chosen for this role. Anyway, I thought the actors did a great job bringing this story to light, disturbing scenes and all, and I enjoyed the films particularly because they were in Swedish.

This Christmas an American/Hollywood version of the first installation is being released. Last weekend I went to see "X-men: First Class" and saw a preview for TGWTDT. Everything in me wanted to boycott this "remake." It's not in Swedish, I heard a rumor the actors would be faking Swedish accents, and why remake something that was just completed?! Then I saw the preview.

The new movie looks fucking awesome. Daniel Craig will play Blomkvist and, let's face it, he's sexy. A relative newcomer, Roony mara, is playing Salander. Of the big name choices, I'm glad this role is going to someone less well-known. Hopefully the lack of preconceived notions about a leading lady will allow Mara to really embody the role like Rapace did.

I've also read that the American version isn't meant to be a remake of the Swedish version. The Swedish version literally put the book on screen. Supposedly the American version is going to take a different approach, so that both versions will be valid in their own rights. In the end the Swedish version will always have something the American version can't: authenticity of language and culture.

Now I just hope the movie is just as gritty as the books were and doesn't gloss over the message of the story or take away from the important details that give life to the backdrop of the story- Stockholm and rural Sweden and the social and legal system of that country. Bottom line: I plan to see this movie in the theater this Christmas. Hopefully I can enjoy the American version for what it has to offer without taking away from my enjoyment of the Swedish version.

Back in the Saddle

We flew home on Sunday afternoon. First Charlotte to Phoenix (4 hours), then Phoenix to Anchorage (6 hours). Our flight from Phoenix to Anchorage was supposed to arrive around 12:30am on Monday morning. This would give me a fighting chance of going to work sometime on Monday. Instead we were delayed due to technical problems and did not arrive in Anchorage until 1:45am, arriving home closer to 2:30am. There was no way in Hell I was going to get home that late, after a 6 hour flight (and a 12 hour journey) and make it to work at any point during that same day!

Instead I took some Tylenol and hit the hay. I slept hard until about noon, then got up and tried to make sense of the past week. Leigh was still in a fog herself, having had a tough journey also and never having had the chance to really process her loss or everything that has changed since last Tuesday. We had a little breakfast, got dressed, ran a few errands, and eventually had a nice lunch and saw a matinee. It may seem like a wasted day, but we really needed to unwind. My only regret is that we did not use the time to clean our apartment, which always helps us to feel a little bit better. So this evening we're planning to make some sense of the piles of laundry and dishes in our apartment.

This morning we got up for work and were just having a terrible time getting ready. We almost threw in the towel on Tuesday as well, but I needed to get back to work and Leigh needed to start feeling normal again, even though it's going to take a lot of time to actually feel normal after such a loss. At one point I had a small breakdown. It was so stupid, but I'd planned to ride my bike to work but the tire was flat and my tire pump is broken. Little things like that can really set a person off in stressful times.

I just sat down and cried, realizing how things have gone wrong the past few weeks and how little I could do about it. I'm worried about my health, Leigh's health, Leigh's mental health, Leigh's family's healing process, the house we're buying (everything is fine but this process is so stressful!), Juneau Cat (who has decided to be a little shithead since we left her so suddenly last week), my lost summer of cycling and having fun, and our apartment being a huge mess. Not to mention that we still have to go about our business- work, errands, helping friends, hosting relatives coming to town, trying to get healthy, etc. When you're trying to do so much anyway and then suffer a loss or a setback, sometimes it can all be a bit too much.

So all we can do now is go to work and clean our apartment, try to eat better after a week of eating heavy food brought over by the neighbors, and try to do something fun and lighthearted every few days. We can start packing our apartment and focus on our tasks one day at a time. Maybe if we keep acting like everything is OK then eventually it really will be OK. At the very least, in 38 days we'll close on our house. This will provide us with a big, wonderful distraction while we work through everything else.

Anyway, I should start working on these files I've been neglecting since last week....

Memorial

On Tuesday morning Leigh wasn't feeling very well as we left for work. I told her to call me if she needed me to drive her home early. Around 9:30 she called me at work. I asked if she was sick and did she need to go home. "No," she said. "My dad died." He was found in his home, most likely having had a heart attack the night before. His death was completely unexpected.

I left my office immediately and picked Leigh up at work. We went home, we called family in Virginia and made a game plan. By 4:30 that afternoon we were on an eastbound flight. First Seattle, then Atlanta overnight, then finally Tri-cities Bristol. Leigh's brother and sister flew into Tri-cities as well, one from New York City and one from Las Vegas. Leigh's mom met us all there and we made our way to their childhood home.

The three children, her father's next of kin, spent the next few days making preparations for the memorial service and signing some legal documents. The family shifted between tears, breakdowns, laughing and telling stories. Being amongst them while they grieved such an unexpected loss made me realize their strength and ability to heal quickly with each other's help. An entire day was spent sorting through family photos and choosing some for the service that best described Leigh's father and his outlook on life. The result was a nice service where half the town stopped by to extend their condolences and tell a few stories about Leigh's father. She held up well through the whole process, sneaking off for a breath of fresh air from time to time or talking to me privately when she needed a break from the masses of people who came out to pay their respects.

Tonight my dad is meeting us to drive me to Charlotte for a flight back. Leigh is spending one more night with her family and then riding to Charlotte with her grandmother and sister. We'll fly back together, but wanted some time with our respective families while we are on the East Coast. I did not expect to see my father until Christmas, a year and a half between visits, so this is a rare opportunity for me. Leigh understood completely, especially considering her own loss. I think we better understand how delicate life, and the relationships we cherish during our lives, can be.