For the Love of Learning

Today I found this article on the Go ROWE website about using a results-only approach in the classroom. Last year I taught English at a highly competitive international school in France where feedback is offered purely using the French marking system. Students take tests or give oral presentations and are given a mark on a scale of 20. Generally speaking, anything less than an 8 is problematic, but getting a 10 to 15 is really solid work while a 16 through 20 is rare and considered beyond excellent. This is a weird system by American standards, hence my lack of ability to describe it any further than I've done here. My point is that the system is perhaps the exact opposite of a results-only environment. Instead, the teachers are forced to preach at their students for days or weeks, followed by a very stressful preparation period and then finally a big event such as a major exam or presentation in which the students are given a single numerical mark to sum up their efforts for the previous days or weeks.

My students were often stressed out beyond belief and their marks were rarely a true reflection of their efforts and abilities. I'm especially reminded of one of the girls I tutored as a side job. She was 16 years old and very serious and keen. She enjoyed English a great deal, but often had mechanical problems with her written essays. I worked with her every week, gave her extra work for practice and grammar drills. In the end her marks only increased from an all-time low of an 8 to an all-time high of an 11. Her efforts weren't being rewarded partially, I suspect, because her opportunities to produce were being micromanaged by the school's grading system. Had she been in an environment focused on the results of her projects I have no doubt she would have been at the top of her class simply because she was willing to do the work for perfect marks, while her classmates had better grades in spite of doing less work.

As a teaching assistant I had no choice but to conform to this grading system. In fact, I rarely gave grades but sometimes was asked by my supervising teachers for my opinion of what the grades should be. I tended to be harsher on students who took their tasks less seriously or were less prepared and easier on the ones who I could tell really wanted to be successful even if their voices waivered from nervousness. Is this unfair? Maybe so, but it seemed like the best way to work within the strict parameters of the school's grading system. I wanted my dedicated students to have positive feedback for their efforts and the arrogant ones who goofed off to get a wakeup call that they needed to take their work seriously because other people don't like to have their time wasted.

On the other hand, I helped one of the more dedicated and talented teachers at the school put together a play with her French 14 year olds. The play was adapted from a book they'd read and was produced and performed entirely in English. There were sets, costumes, sound effects, the works. It was an incredible amount of work, and the students had to continue producing some written assignments in addition to their acting responsibilities, but in the end we had a beautiful theater production to share with the school and parents. It was one of the proudest times of my life so far. The students were graded for this project, of course, as it took up several weeks of the term. In the end they received a series of marks depending on their "results" for learning and delivering lines, being responsible for their costumes and props, behavoir, etc. Everything was considered and, for the most part, the students received excellent marks because they were so engaged and excited. They also learned an incredible amount about the subject of the play and their spoken English improved remarkably from practicing their lines and working with the four teachers involved with the production solely in English.

My point is that I wish I could go back and create a results-only environment for my students, but I didn't know about this at the time and I don't think it would have been possible because of my assistant status. I'd like to give more points and positive feedback to my most serious students who understood the life benefits of having strong English skills along with the focused and naturally gifted students in my class. Likewise, I'd like to give no points to that kid who always showed up for his current events oral presentation without a newspaper article or anything substantial to say about it. He always offered to tell me a story from his life. Was that the assignment? No! He produced almost no results and shouldn't have been receiving acceptable marks.

What I can do is try to create an environment like this for my own children in the future. I grew up with almost no structure and learned to be responsible the hard way (I knew nobody would be there to catch me if I fell). The "result" was a positive one, likely only by the Grace of God, but I want to be really involved in my kids' lives, so I guess this is a way to teach them responsibility without leaving them to feel as though they're not cared for. I can give them a series of tasks to manage their own lives and only focus on whether they produce results by the given deadline. I won't micromanage when they do the tasks or how they go about it, just that they're done before the deadline and to high standards.

But then again, I'm only 26 and my kids won't be born for another few years, so what do I know? ;-)

My love for wine, baked goods, and Rachel Maddow

Last night I got home in time to catch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC. I don't think anyone will be shocked to hear that I love her show, and quite possibly her. She's smart, dorky, adorable and always right. What more could I want in a TV personality? In fact, I'd say that she's a more amazing version of the person I could only ever dream to be if I were smarter and better in every way. What's more, she's tall, like really tall, just the way I like 'em (just ask Leigh, who is also really tall) and oh so professional. So yeah, I love her because I want to be her and she's super cute and just my type.

So last night, mid-show, when my lovely Rachel was being extra awesome and talking about how it sucks for the conservative right if they have a problem with her being gay but basically they can shove it, Leigh turns to me and says: "I would totally have sex with her!" To which I replied, "Me first!"

Well, I'm glad we've established the hierarchical order in which that event will occur. Rachel, my love, you should be especially flattered that my lovely Leigh finds you so enticing because she usually only goes for the short, bossy ones (that would be me!). The fact that she's willing to make an exception for Your Amazingly Tallness is a true testament to your sexy-dorkiness.

As for wine and baked goods, well I just liked adding it into the title of the post. But I've also been enjoying some pinot noir the last few days and a yummy muffin for my breakfast. It's a great start to a Friday (no, I didn't start my day with pinot noir, but I'll likely end it that way) and a lovely weekend of fun with friends and skiing with Leigh.

Thirsty Thursday

No, I'm not going drinking tonight, but I am having a drink with a friend tomorrow to celebrate her finishing the Alaska Bar Exam. Results aren't available for about three months, but getting through the studying and 3 days of testing is a feat unto itself. I'm so proud!

In other news, Anchorage has been particularly sunny and beautiful lately. Leigh and I went skiing after work on Tuesday and it was devine! We'd had a little bit of snowfall late last week, which makes the trails a smidge slower. For us, this is a good thing because we're still learning and really appreciate the extra traction. We've also discovered that using the classical X-C tracks on the righthand side of the trails helps us to enjoy speeding down hills more. It gives the skis more stability and reduces the number of wipe-outs significantly. We're planning to go skiing again this evening and throughout the weekend while we still have snow and this beautiful weather.

The new blog now exists in the Intar-webs, but has no content yet. I need to take some time to do some writing this weekend and organize some photo albums to make slideshows. I've also lined up a few friends to potentially contribute their own entries later on, once the blog has a little bit of writing on it already. I think having others' perspectives and experiences will really help to round the project out. I mean, I've done a lot of traveling but this blog isnt' about me or a glorification of my travels: it's about the traveling community at large and I want everyone to find it enjoyable and useful. Once the blog has a good deal of content I plan to buy a web address, sign up for some advertising, and possibly expand the content to related topics. For now, I just want to focus on producing some well-written entries and useful information. We'll see how this goes!

Call for Travel Writing Entries:

Do you love to travel?
Do you love to write about travel?
Do you fall into any of the following categories?

• Solo traveler
• Female traveler
• LGBT traveler/couple
• Couple with small children
• Adventure seeker
• Culture seeker

If so, I might have a project for you! I'm starting a very small, low-key website focused on international travel writing and sample itineraries for "alternative" travelers. From my experience, the mainstream guides simply do not provide sufficient information for those of us in the above categories (not that they don't try, but just seem to miss the mark in some respects often leaving us with insufficient information). My goal is to create a source of information and creative outlets for us, the writers, and an audience of folks planning an upcoming trip or simply curious about a destination.

For now the website will contain:

• Travel accounts: journal style entries focused on the unique experience of places visited. These should be extremely honest and more about the way the experience affected you long term than about the museums, etc. If your trip was amazing because you met someone interesting in a bar, that should be the focus of the entry. If your trip was horrible because you were ill-prepared, made a bad decision, took the wrong companion or were met with hostility, write about that.
• Itineraries: your actual itinerary with blurbs suggesting or not (list where you slept/ate/visited and if it was worth it) and/or suggested itineraries of what you wish you'd done or wish you'd have had time for.
• Photos: submit your own photos to accompany your writing. You'll be credited for all of the above.

Sorry this doesn't pay a cent, because I'll be paying for the website myself and likely not making any money off it (though I will allow advertising on the site in hopes of making up the cost of web publishing). This is supposed to be fun and informative, not a money maker (though that would be cool too!).
There's no deadline right now, I'm just trying to get a sense of interest in participating. At the moment I'm designing the site slowly and gathering articles. Hopefully I'll have enough to publish soon.
Please email thenovelnomad@gmail.com if you're interested in participating.

Twitter-style Update

• Lovely three-day weekend, finally feeling completely rested.
• Saturday we ran errands, Sunday I did a lot of baking and we saw The King's Speech (excellent, save for the old woman one row down from us and her running commentary!)
• Follow the movie, Leigh and I agreed to only see movies at cheap theaters or at home, that way if someone wants to talk the whole time we won't feel like we've wasted $20!
• Felt very ill on Monday morning, luckily I was in tip-top shape by afternoon for some great skiing at Kincaid!
• Also spent part of Monday designing my new website. I'm keeping it very, very simple for now. Mostly just a home page with a short series of blog-style pages for various destinations.
• Really starting to enjoy living in a wintery place now that I have a wintery sport. Also very much looking forward to summer sports and seemingly endless sunlight.
• Leigh is very excited because her grandmother is coming up on a retiree bus trip and will be stopping through Anchorage for a few days!
• We are happy to announce that it looks like we've found a nice downtown apartment for next year! We'll both be able to walk to work, so no more 20 minute commutes on the highway, as well as our favorite restaurants, walking paths, and bars. I think life is about to get a lot more fun for us!
• Currently planning the following trips:
• Autumn: visit Leigh's sister in Las Vegas and hike The Narrows in Zion Nat'l Park (Utah), also stop by Grand Canyon and do some serious shopping.
• Christmas: Florida to see my brother and his family + Wizarding World of Harry Potter followed by a few days in Virginia
• Summer 2012: three weeks in Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam
• Looks like my travel dry spell is about to end. Let the planning/ticket buying begin!!!

Birthdays and Art Projects

Yesterday was my 26th birthday. Not exactly a milestone, but somehow it turned into a bit of a big deal. As I posted previously, I've been receiving gifts every week or so since the end of January. I highly recommend this strategy as it makes the "I am special" experience last a bit longer. Yesterday was particularly fun because I had a massage after work followed by yummy takeout from my favorite gourmet/Asian grocery store and deli and pâté with a glass of pinot noir at home. It was decadent, it was delicious, and it was complete with Leigh bringing me said glass of wine all the way from the kitchen to the couch (a whole 7 feet!) while we relaxed in front of the TV.

Yesterday I also got to thinking about the future, which I tend to do a lot. What can I say, I'm restless? Anyway, I was mentally running some scenarios and crunching some numbers, trying to figure out if any of my hair-brained ideas will materialize without some act of God to intervene. At some point I came to realize a few things:
1) If I want to be my own boss one day I really need to take some initiative and get the creative juices flowing.
2) My primary interests in life are probably closely linked to those of my generation, and there might just be a market out there for a certain kind of information disemination.
3) Right now I don't have a creative hobby. Having one might lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and being a more well-rounded person.
4) If I want to love what I do, I should actually do what I love even if it's only on my own time.
5) The internet is a place of endless possibility.

So I decided to embark on a little project: I'd like to design a website. Initially I'd like the site to be about alternative travel- meaning all types of alternatives. Basically, I'd like to serve all people who aren't into the Jamaican beach resort vacation package thing OR a young male backpacker who can roam the world anonymously without consequence OR those with an endless budget who can just hop on a plane and then roam around Europe checking into a series of overpriced hotels.

Everyone else falls into a series of semi-overlapping categories, and while shoestring travelers are well-served by Let's Go and Lonely Planet and mature travelers are served by the amazing Rick Steves, there's a host of other aspects that simply aren't addressed. One great example is LGBT travel or female solo travel. When I was preparing for my trip to Morocco I found almost zero information about traveling solo as a woman in Morocco. The result was a very challenging experience. When Leigh and I visited Italy we were surprised that we were sometimes treated rudely by the locals because we don't decorate ourselves as typical Italian women do (extremely feminine clothing, hair and jewelry). Leigh also got a lot of stares probably because she's very tall for a woman. We loved Italy, but would have liked to have been warned about this. Recently Leigh and I have discussed one day traveling to Egypt. Current events aside, Egypt is reported on Wikitravel to not be an inviting place for LGBT travelers. Wouldn't it be great if there was a resource helping travelers to visit these countries armed with the best possible information? Also, last year I had a website where I did some writing, but it was always so rushed that it turned into journal entries instead of anything really escapist that others could learn from. This is Emily's attempt at travel writing Take 2.

The other topic I love to "geek out" on is international business and law, or really anything to do with international careers and living an international lifestyle. As much as Americans (and American universities) try to ignore it, the truth is that the world is going global and we're not keeping up. There's tons of information out there about international careers, but it's very scattered. Eventually I'd like to expand my site to incorporate useful information to building an international career, living abroad, etc to help those in my generation and younger to find their way if they choose to pursue this kind of life.

So I put it to you, dear reader(s):

• Am I crazy?
• Is this a good idea?
• A waste of time?
• What would you most like to see on an "alternative" travel website?

It's Personal...

Today I received a birthday card at my work address from someone in my family with whom I choose to not speak. Because I work for the Court System, my mail is searched. So not only do I feel that my privacy has been invaded by being contacted by someone I don't want to hear from, I also feel that it was not a private event (such as when this person emails me out of the blue like they deserve to contact me). Also, because this person doesn't know my job title at the Court System, they just put [My Name] c/o Court System, with the wrong building number, city and state. So the post office corrected the building number and the folks in the mail room had to run a search to find out my title and my office number to deliver the card to me. Basically, a lot of effort went into giving me something I really don't want.

Here are a few ground rules. When I choose to keep someone out of my life, for whatever reason (because, as an adult I have the right to do this whether you agree or not), I would very much appreciate the following:

• Please don't give out my home/work address/email or even place of business. The internet is vast and most people can be found, so giving out hints is the same thing as giving out my home address.
• If I've blocked you on facebook and dont' reply to your emails then I don't want to hear from you.
• I don't want to hear stories about this person, especially how they have offended or wronged you. Part of cutting someone out is supposed to be that you don't have to deal with their bullshit anymore. I don't want the stress of knowing this person, so that means I don't want the stress of hearing stories about how you continue to subject yourself to their bad behavoir.
• Do not ask me whether I think we will be in contact again in the future. It's not for you or anyone else to say who I should or shouldn't have in my life. What's more, I refuse to feel guilty for preserving my emotional well-being by cutting someone out. I admit that it's rude to refuse to speak to someone, but obviously their behavoir must go far beyond rude for me to go to this much trouble to avoid them.
• Try to imagine that you've finally found the perfect combination of factors to lead to real, honest happiness. Now imagine that those around you refuse to understand this and continue to intrude on this delicate balance in little ways. That would be frustrating, wouldn't it? Well that's how I feel when my friends and family do the above-listed things. All I ask is that the people in my life respect my decision and give me the personal space and privacy that all adults have a right to.

Tantrum ended. Back to work.

Good Weekend, Bummer Monday

This weekend was really great. Leigh and I got our new X-C skis from the shop on Friday after work and immediately took them for a spin at Kincaid Park. This was our first time on our new skis and we were skiing by streetlamp, so we decided to stay in the stadium and ski laps and hills to test them out. They were a bit different from our rentals, but really nice equipment. We were pleased.

Saturday morning I weighed myself and was so happy to see I was 2.6 pounds lighter than last week! Crazy! After nearly 3 weeks of no change I couldn't have been more surprised. Then Leigh and I had a healthy breakfast before meeting some friends to go skiing again. From 11:30 till 1:30 we did laps, gave some basic (and hopefully useful) instruction to our friends, and then got up the courage to try a trail for the first time. We only skied the trail for about 40 minutes, but it was a great experience! We both fell on hills a few times. One of my falls was downright epic, complete with speed and colliding solidly with the packed snow on my right side. Ouch! Anyway, I'm really excited to be starting trails now. Hopefully by next winter I'll be half-decent at this sport.

After skiing Leigh and I and the Tuckers hit up Snow City Cafe for a yummy and decadent lunch. This was my "birthday meal" where I was going to order whatever looked good and refuse to feel guilty about it. Leigh and I both went a little crazy and wound up sharing our meals and taking a lot of food home. It was delicious and so fun with friends! The rest of the day we ran errands and then went home to collapse. Sunday we both woke up feeling a little bit sick, which turned into a whole day of taking it easy and feeling icky. Leigh made homemade chicken noodle soup, with whole grain rotini, which might just be a miracle medicine because I felt a lot better afterwards.
She also broke down and made my "birthday dessert" because I was whining about having a sweet tooth. After much ado, Leigh made me a little pan of the most delicious brownies ever! She made them from scratch and the recipe called for my favorite chocolate products: Nutella and Lindt dark chocolate with a touch of sea salt. Delicious! Decadent! Soooo not "clean" eating! I will have to ski my rear-end off this week to make up for it, but honestly, it was worth every calorie. Only negative is that they're very rich and I anticipate them being around the house for the rest of the week, so the gluttony will continue!

Today, Monday, Leigh is downright ill and I'm feeling pretty icky myself. I'd planned to go skiing alone or with a colleague this evening, but I don't know if I should. When I was a swimmer I believed in swimming through the illness because the exercise seemed to work the ickiness out of your system faster (unless it was a stomache flu, then swimming just led to vomiting in the pool gutter). But these cold weather, outdoor sports really do a number on my throat and achy muscles when I'm not feeling well, so maybe it's better to abstain for one more day and get back to it on Tuesday evening? I just don't know...

This Modern Life: Thoughts on Career and Family Alternatives

Going to work every morning and doing the same thing everyday just isn't what I'd call living the dream. Sure, I'll do it. Yeah, I like my line of work. But I'd rather not do this forever. I'm not the kind of person who, upon retiring at age 70, will be heralded at my farewell dinner for being at the office at 7:30 every morning for 50 years. No thanks. I don't live to work. I want to enjoy my work and be good at it so I can do the things I really love in my own time: travel, learn new things, spend time with family, an recreate in general.

So this begs the question, what are my options? I've noticed lately a lot of young "bloggers" who have managed to turn their blogging habits into a full-time gig. Obviously this is partly due to allowing advertising on their blogs, linking to other sites, etc. But I don't really understand how a hobby like blogging can morph into an income that can support a person or even a family. This completely elludes me. Of the millions of people out there with a blog (myself included), there are probably several thousand who have managed to turn theirs into an income. I found one blog yesterday where a young woman earns her entire living by writing funny posts and selling novelty items with screenprints of her silly drawings. There's also a young couple who support themselves and their new baby by blogging and making TV and press appearances on the topic of fixing up their new house. More power to them, but how the heck does that work?! If anyone has any ideas as to how this comes about, please do let me in.

Aside from travel writing, which I love but seem to have no talent for, I can't imagine being able to entice others to read my ramblings enough to make a living, but I do like that technology can open employment doors. Leigh and I often talk about how nice it will be when we can sneak off to our Merida House for weeks at a time and work from a distance. In fact, Leigh's company has an office in Merida, of all places, so options really do abound thanks to technology and companies putting employee quality of life at a new premium these days (ex: the ROWE movement). What's more, flexibility for education is on the rise these days with various alternatives that bridge the gap between traditional public school and homeschooling.

Something that always seems attractive to Leigh and I is starting a business together so we can have the same schedule and flexibility and make it our special project. We've talked about opening a hostel someplace with a low cost of living, providing joint services in our related professions, doing contract work in our professions (for flexibility and mobility) or maybe starting a vacation rental/real estate business. I like all of these ideas. They combine my favorite things: travel, time with family, interesting destinations, being my own boss and making my own schedule.

Here's the problem: I'm 25. I have student debt in the 6 figures and I need to get some work experience. Leigh is just now getting into her true calling (accounting) and needs time to get her license and develop. So, for now, we're resigned to working for The Man. Yeah, getting to work at 8:30 every morning sucks. Working 5 days a week in the same environment sucks. Getting designated vacation time really sucks. But the pay is steady, benefits are included, and we are young. So we're using this time to build our careers and our savings. When we're ready we can make our move.

That doesn't mean we have to put our adventurous spirit on hold. In fact, we've brainstormed a series of amazing experiences for the next 5-10 years alone. First up is a tentatively scheduled trip to Southeast Asia. After that we'll be thinking about starting a family, which will slow things down for a few years but not entirely, because I'm hoping to attend business school in France for 2 years. Then, and I think I've successfully convinced Leigh of this, I'd like us to occasionally pull the little one(s) out of school for sabbatical types of experiences. A few ideas close to my heart include long stays in Burgundy, France to experience Taize , driving the Pan American Higway through North, Central and South America, and my most hair-brained idea yet to travel the Silk Road from China through Egypt to Turkey and Greece.

I firmly believe that we will find a way to take leave/work from a distance during these times and arrange flexible schooling for the [prospective] kids. I also firmly believe that there's more to be gained from these experiences than from attending a school filled with distractions and likely sub-par instruction... but I digress.

With all this talk of the future I often lose sight of the immediate road ahead of me, but knowing where I'd like us to end up helps us to best choose the path we take today. So for today we focus on doing well at work, finding me a permanent job after my clerkship, starting a serious savings account, and planning the SE Asia trip. The rest will come with time and, as I've come to learn already, in life things rarely turn out exactly as you planned but the result is usually wonderful in its own right.

Je fais du ski nordique.

This past Saturday Leigh and I were lucky enough to be given an excellent free lesson on cross-country skiing by one of our favorite friends. We successfully learned the following skills:

• Falling down safely
• Getting back up
• Moving forward without "walking in skis"
• Going uphill via the herringbone method
• Going downhill and controlling downhill speeds
• Fall down
• Getting back up again
• Did I mention falling down?

It was really, very fun and I think we did pretty well all things considered. We're hardly naturals or particularly good at this, but I think we will eventually be able to do this sport without embarassing ourselves. We skied for about 2 hours. Afterwards we felt great and had really enjoyed our time enjoying the snow and sunshine. Later that day we were completely exhausted: a true testiment to what a great workout this sport provides.

Without further ado, we decided to buy ourselves some skis to finish out the nordic season. At first we planned to take advantage of REI's package program where you can get a full set of brand new equipment for as little as $269 or as much as $580 depending on how fancy of stuff you want. I was literally on my way to pick Leigh up to go buy our sets at REI when some work friends told me that Play It Again Sports was having a sale on nordic ski equipment and that we could probably get the same set-up for a lot less. My colleagues were right.

When all was said and done, Leigh and I each got full sets (skis, bindings, boots, and poles) for $422 total. We saved about $100 from what we'd planned to pay at REI for their cheapest option. Our skis were 50% off and our boots and poles were 20% off, so we only paid full price for the bindings and $10 in services to have the bindings attached to the skis. We were thrilled because saving that $100 meant we could go ahead and buy our roof rack attachment from REI instead of waiting till March.

I bought a pair of Alpina Tempest skis. Unfortunately my weight is a bit on the lower end of the sizing for these and too much for the smaller skis. If by some miracle I lose 10+ lbs in the next year or so I'm going to reward myself with a new pair of skis, but keep the rest of my equipment. If not, these should serve me well while I'm learning.

...and my poles are red and grey too, so they match. This is very important to me :-)

Leigh walked away with a slightly higher end set of skis by Salomon, but I can't find a picture of them to post. Her poles don't match as well, but they are really nice Fischer poles, very lightweight, etc. We got the same boots, except mine were junior size (because they use European sizing, though they actually fit a little bigger than some women's 7s I've bought in the past) and therefore $10 cheaper. Awesome!

We get to pick up our skis+bindings on Friday evening and are planning to go skiing for about an hour afterwards. We won't do a trail, but will probably just test out our new toys in the stadium at Kincaid Park. Then Saturday afternoon we have a double date with our friends the Tuckers, who will be trying the sport for the first time. Whether we can impart any knowledge on them or not remains to be seen, but either way it will be fun to play in the snow with friends.

Being a hater

In spite of a generally good weekend, I'm in the foulest of moods today. So I'm listing Things I Hate:

• Tummy aches
• Bad night's sleep and having to go to work anyway
• My bathtub, because since the apartment complex did some work on some pipes the water has been coming out a rather digusting shade of brown
• My apartment complex, for overcharging us and not taking good care of us
• My apartment, for being too small and never feeling like home
• Being lazy, because I failed to run some vital errands this weekend. This had led to a lack of very important groceries and, subsequently, the terrible decision to order Dominos pizza last night. Hence tummy ache.
• The guilt of eating junk food. It's going to take a whole week of "clean" food and exercise before I don't feel disgusting anymore.
• Lack of time off: I was struggling during the holidays and then I worked 4 day weeks! Now it's still winter and (though the weather has been lovely) I'm stuck in town another 8 weeks before I get to do anything outside my normal, and very limited routine. This is enough to make me crazy.

I think I'll drown my sorrows in coffee today, which will also keep me awake, and just get through the day. I expect a very early bedtime tonight.

Clean eating or thin eating?

I have never had a healthy relationship with food. As a child I was heavy and there was a lot of family pressure to be the pretty, skinny little girl every parent wants, but kids don't understand how food relates to appearance. In the end these pressures just lead to a lot of shame and self-hate. As a teen I was pretty obsessive and for a while I was too thin. Sometimes I worry that I really fucked up my pancreas during those years by starving my body of the sugars and complex carbs it needed to function. For roughly the past 10 years I've fluctuated between being healthy, slightly chubby, decidedly overweight, and now back to slightly chubby. Losing weight is not easy for me. For some reason my body holds onto extra fat more than what's typical (see previous comment re: pancreas).

I divulge this brief history to explain my recent slight obsession with healthy eating and weight loss (though fear not, it's nothing like my teenage obsession). While living in France I went from a size 10ish to a size 6ish. I didn't even have to try. It was amazing. Leigh had an even more dramatic transformation. We felt great. Since coming home I've gained a bit and now I'm completely fed up with being held hostage by the Gods of Chubbiness. I'm trying to take control once and for all. Enter the Eat-Clean Diet (e.g. sticking to whole foods and eating small portions regularly to keep the metabolism pumping).

Unfortunately, any weight loss from this lifestyle change has been painfully slow. Leigh and I weighed ourselves this morning. It wasn't a happy occasion. What's most frustrating for me is that my body fat percentage hasn't budged in 2 weeks. That's two weeks of lifting weights and doing cardio 2-3 times per week. Not a perfect record, I'll admit, but an effort worthy of some results. So frustrating...

Maybe it's weight gain from cheating two weeks ago.

Maybe it's water weight.

Maybe it's just a plateau week and we'll see results soon.

Maybe we just need to be patient.

But then I remind myself that we're both so much healthier today than we were 2 years ago. Our time in France did wonders for us by allowing us a drastic lifestyle change. Sure, we ate rich foods, but we were so poor that our portions were smaller. We walked everywhere. Even buying groceries was a major workout (walk 0.9 miles to bus, take bus near store, walk around store, pack groceries in rolling bags, walk to bus, bus to home, walk uphill 0.9 miles to home, climb 3 flights of stairs with rolling bags filled with 2 weeks of groceries, put in fridge, realize 3+ hours have passed since leaving for grocery store, collapse), going to work involved over 1 mile of walking, my frequent travels involved hauling my bags everywhere, taking public transit and walking for hours everyday.

Anyway, our lives caused us to lose weight without trying. It was nice, but now we're grownups. Now we go to work, sit on our asses all day, try to resist eating convenient American garbage all day then muster the energy to exercise before coming home, shoveling supper into our mouths and going to sleep. Then repeat till the weekend. Depressing, eh?

But now we're eating clean, and even though we're not dropping weight quickly we're feeling better. I'm more comfortable in my own skin these days just because I never feel ashamed of what I'm eating. It's all healthy and half the time I've made it from scratch over the weekend. I take some pride in doing these things for myself. We also have more energy and my skin looks better than ever. So even though I still weigh a ton for someone my height (granted, I'm not huge and wear an average size, but it's still pretty shocking that most women my height weigh as much as 20 lbs less than me) and I'd love to slim down faster, I know whatever I lose will stay off and I can maintain this diet long term because it's not ridiculous.

So in spite of our disappointment this morning, we're still trudging on. We're also going to try to not cheat AT ALL until my birthday, which we've set aside for a fair amount of cheating. In the meantime, we're doing more activities, hitting the gym more, etc. Today we even tried out cross-country skiing for the first time. We're hardly naturals, but it was really fun. I think we'll buy our own sets next weekend to keep it up. This evening I'm utterly exhausted and certain I'll be sore tomorrow, which is a great feeling. What's more, according to my fitness app on my phone, one hour of slow and steady X-C skiing burns over 600 calories! That beats the hell out of cardio machines at the gym, plus I get to enjoy the sunshine!

Thursday Should Be Renamed to "Almost Friday"

I feel the need to rescind part of my previous post regarding my officemate. While it remains true that I felt quite put out by some of her behavoir in past weeks, I want to make it clear that she is not perpetually unpleasant. The past few days are a prime example. She has been downright pleasant and thoughtful and even offered an explanation for taking my files last week (she said she knew I had more pressing matters and wanted to get them out the door). So yeah, I feel a tiny bit bad about venting about her. Probably along the same lines as being pissed at your college roommate then getting over it a few days later.

This week has been pretty good so far. I've done some substantial work, cleared a few files off my desk and even had the chance to work for two of my judges from whom I rarely get assignments. The best part was when one of the judges requested me personally. That was awesome. This morning I mediated a complicated case where one party had an attorney AND was extremely difficult to work with. In the end we came to a settlement. That was so rewarding and I'm pretty sure everyone was happy with the outcome. Those moments make my job amazing. Tomorrow I have what will hopefully be the final, final, final hearing from a long criminal trial. It will feel amazing to put that one to bed and move on to other topics, especially considering that criminal is not my first choice of practice areas.

Aside from work, I have very little going on. My birthday is about 2 weeks away and the gluttony has already begun. Last month a friend took me to lunch thinking my birthday was January 16 (as opposed to Feb 16), and that was sort of the beginning of things. Since then every week or so I've gotten a gift from Leigh or used it as an excuse to eat something I shouldn't! Yesterday my "little gift" arrived in the mail and of course Leigh couldn't wait to give it to me. I am now the proud owner of a pair of casual Steve Madden boots. They weren't the style that made me first want a pair of casual boots, but I like these just as much and they were under $40, so I who can say no?

For my actual birthday I have requested a massage from our athletic club and a big, unhealthy breakfast from Snow City Cafe. I'm also insisting on wine and paté one evening and something cooked by Chef Leigh, though I haven't decided on the menu yet. I don't think I've made such a big deal over my birthday in years, so it's kind of fun to use this as an excuse for excess!

With all this talk of unhealthy food, I think I should note that Leigh and I are doing a pretty good job of sticking with the Eat-Clean lifestyle. It's true that we slip up in little ways on a pretty regular basis. However, I think having a generally healthy diet can make up for a few"food sins" throughout the week. What we really need to do is go to the gym more often. This is our third week in a row of only going twice during the week, three times at most. We really should go 4-5 times to see a lot of progress.

Speaking of the gym, it's now 16h30 here in Anchorage and quitting time for me. That means I'm heading across the street to the gym to put in some serious work out time. It's the least I can do after skipping the last two days, followed by splitting an order of french fries with Leigh at lunch today!

A bientot!