Last week I attended the Bar Convention in Fairbanks. I'd been looking forward to it for a while, especially the part about missing 3 days of work without having to use paid time off. Well, things got off to a rocky start when I had an unannounced addition to the drive North, which was supposed to have been just my friend. Then it was my friend and her boyfriend. If you know me at all, you know I hate surprises and I REALLY hate it when people are late. To top it all off, Boyfriend decided he was going to drive MY car the whole way. Being the non-confrontational person that I am, I tried to see the positive side of this (I didn't have to drive and could just relax) and hopped in the backseat of MY car and just kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately, I was the only one with my mouth shut and had to endure 300+ miles of chatter from Boyfriend about inane topics. Glad he's not my boyfriend.
The rest of the week was a lot of fun. I hung out with colleagues, met new people, ate free food and drank free coffee and booze. Good times. The ride back was more tolerable, mostly because I drove most of the way and made Boyfriend sit in the backseat the whole time. This might be the last time anyone ever pulls a stunt like this on me because I'm still pissed about it 5 days later... Anyway, I'm glad I went and even more glad to be back. I missed my Leigh and my Juneau Cat.
Over the weekend I did a 22 mile ride to prepare for my upcoming 100k. It was a tough 22 miles, so now I'm starting to worry about my endurance and whether the 100k is feasible. What's more important is whether the 200k in September is feasible! So I need to fit more riding in, no matter how much my legs and my bum beg me to sit on the couch and eat Nutella.
Yesterday was kind of a down day, just trying to get back into the swing of things. Yesterday evening really sucked because (1) I had to get my haircut, which is always a little stressful and (2) I had to attend a work function with Leigh, which was anything but fun, and (3) I found the most perfect house to make a home only to realize that I won't be able to buy anything for at least 2 years. I've been generally feeling down lately for no reason and every reason, just like in the past when I've been down for a while but could never point to one thing to change and make things all better. Leigh is pretty tired of putting up with my pouty face too. I can't blame her though because I'm not the most understanding when she's feeling down.
To top it all off, my clothes haven't been fitting very well lately. Either I'm squeazing into things or hanging over my waistbands or my tummy is pooching out through my shirt. For a year I've been careful about my eating and getting tons of exercise. For 5 months I've been "eating-clean" by abstaining almost completely from refined sugar and processed foods (minus the week in Hawai'i). To think that only a few months ago I was feeling strong and fit! Then the ski season ended and I went on vacation. It seems like 2-3 weeks of less-than-vigilant eating and less-than-intense exercise (though I did get tons of exercise on vacation) will cause me to regain any weight I may have painstakingly lost over the course of the past 6 months. In fact, as of today, I've gained a full 10 pounds since coming home from France. Please keep in mind that in France I ate chocolate, Nutella, pastries, cheese, white bread and drank wine every single day. Also, the only exercise I got was walking around cities and running after trains. Yet now that I'm home, playing sports and watching my food intake carefully I am getting fatter. Weird, right?
So I went to the doctor today for an annual exam plus some testing. The doc took about 7 vials of blood and is going to run a full panel of hormones and such to see what's going on with me. The end result? $800 in medical expenses! I met my $500 deductible and then had to pay 30% after that. Upon hearing this I grumbled, "I dont' really see the point in having insurance most of the time." To which the receptionist said, "Without insurance your bill would be $1,818!" So is it that my insurance sucks or that medical care is highly overpriced? I say both.
Anyway, now I just have to see if that $800 will buy me any answers to my concerns and, hopefully, lead to some solutions to my problems. I'd love to find out that my hormones are a little off-balance and, with some tweaking, I'll finally have control over my weight and overall health. I enjoy eating healthy and exercising, but I do not enjoy struggling to fit my body, sore from exercise, into jeans that would easily fit a girl who eats icecream and drinks soda on a regular basis. It just doesn't seem fair!
To add up the score that's Life is Unfair: 10, Emily: 0. Right now I'm feeling used and unappreciated by friends, confused about some upcoming life decisions, shocked by the expense of staying healthy, and totally screwed over by genetics to the point that I hate the skin I live in. So I'm feeling pretty shit-tastic about myself and my day right now.
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Hang in there, Emily! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Emily.
ReplyDeleteI was just searching the Internet for a picture of a grapevine, and I happened to come across your blog. Back in "Work! Apartments! Tattoos! What?!" you had an image featuring a grapevine PNG image. I just wanted to know what the rights were for that image, and if I could use it, Was it was in the public domain, or did you buy it from somewhere, or if it's your own work, etc. I don't know how else to contact you, so I'm sorry if this is a little awkward. You can reach me at camirzan (at) gmail (dot) com. I also added you on AIM to inquire, but you were off-line.
Regards,
Cameron