Yesterday I was going nuts, mind racing, thinking about job options and life options. Today I just feel like a loser. This year has simply not turned out as great as I'd hoped it would. Last summer my goals for the following 12 months were as follows:
1. Be an awesome law clerk for a judge with a civil docket
2. Write a law review article for publication
3. Lose weight/achieve my goal weight/reduce body fat to 25ish%
4. Have a job offer in hand by May or June.
5. Travel to Europe or Southeast Asia either with Leigh or solo, whatever worked out best for us.
6. Complete a few long-distance bike rides (200-400 km).
This is what actually happened:
1. This was not easy, but I did my best to serve my judge well and I think I learned a lot, probably even more than I realize now.
2. This one I actually did accomplish. I wrote an article that was published in this month's issue of the Alaska Law Review. So far it's been well-received and serves it's purpose as a writing sample for job applications.
3. I gained weight. Actually, I was really healthy all last summer. Then I went home for Christmas. Since Christmas I've gained 10 pounds. TEN! Today I have a doctor's appointment where I will be weighed, lectured on my weight, blood drawn, and then billed for the privilege. My doctor is an ass and fails to give pertinent advice, but write prescriptions and lectures me to give up wine completely and eat fewer calories (as in, 1,000 or less per day- seriously?!).
4. I don't have a job offer. I've had two interviews with the same place so far. I really want the job. I was supposed to hear back last Friday and didn't, so I emailed the decision-maker and got a nice note back. The good news is the decision-maker still seems interested in me. The bad news is they're interviewing more people for the position... more competition. I have one other job lead, but no interview thus far. My friends have one or no job leads. This isn't looking good. I might work as a barista next year....
5. My Europe trip was thwarted when the airline didn't have space for mileage plan members to take a seat using airmiles. So I went to Hawaii instead (alone). I really, really needed a vacation. It could have been worse. Now that Leigh is pregnant we can't really plan a big trip, plus it would be foolish to spend a lot on a big trip when we're expecting a baby. So we're going to Las Vegas instead. Hopefully we'll get to take a big trip in about 2 years, when the baby is old enough to travel with us comfortably.
6. This past Sunday I completed my very first bike ride with the Alaska Randonneurs, but it was only 100 km and it nearly killed me. I'm planning to do another one next month to see if I am getting into better shape.
This feels pretty dire, but then I have to remind myself of what I've also accomplished:
1. We bought a house, a cute one, in a nice neighborhood.
2. We adopted a puppy, whom we love oh so much.
3. Leigh is pregnant, so we're starting a family. This is super exciting and might just make up for all my other failures... maybe...
So yeah, not quite an epic fail, but pretty close. With any amount of restraint and perseverance I'll trim back down. With any luck I'll get a job offer before my clerkship ends (to avoid a period of unemployment). And Leigh promises me that more travels and adventures are in our future...
But I still have to go to the doctor today :-(
1. Be an awesome law clerk for a judge with a civil docket
2. Write a law review article for publication
3. Lose weight/achieve my goal weight/reduce body fat to 25ish%
4. Have a job offer in hand by May or June.
5. Travel to Europe or Southeast Asia either with Leigh or solo, whatever worked out best for us.
6. Complete a few long-distance bike rides (200-400 km).
This is what actually happened:
1. This was not easy, but I did my best to serve my judge well and I think I learned a lot, probably even more than I realize now.
2. This one I actually did accomplish. I wrote an article that was published in this month's issue of the Alaska Law Review. So far it's been well-received and serves it's purpose as a writing sample for job applications.
3. I gained weight. Actually, I was really healthy all last summer. Then I went home for Christmas. Since Christmas I've gained 10 pounds. TEN! Today I have a doctor's appointment where I will be weighed, lectured on my weight, blood drawn, and then billed for the privilege. My doctor is an ass and fails to give pertinent advice, but write prescriptions and lectures me to give up wine completely and eat fewer calories (as in, 1,000 or less per day- seriously?!).
4. I don't have a job offer. I've had two interviews with the same place so far. I really want the job. I was supposed to hear back last Friday and didn't, so I emailed the decision-maker and got a nice note back. The good news is the decision-maker still seems interested in me. The bad news is they're interviewing more people for the position... more competition. I have one other job lead, but no interview thus far. My friends have one or no job leads. This isn't looking good. I might work as a barista next year....
5. My Europe trip was thwarted when the airline didn't have space for mileage plan members to take a seat using airmiles. So I went to Hawaii instead (alone). I really, really needed a vacation. It could have been worse. Now that Leigh is pregnant we can't really plan a big trip, plus it would be foolish to spend a lot on a big trip when we're expecting a baby. So we're going to Las Vegas instead. Hopefully we'll get to take a big trip in about 2 years, when the baby is old enough to travel with us comfortably.
6. This past Sunday I completed my very first bike ride with the Alaska Randonneurs, but it was only 100 km and it nearly killed me. I'm planning to do another one next month to see if I am getting into better shape.
This feels pretty dire, but then I have to remind myself of what I've also accomplished:
1. We bought a house, a cute one, in a nice neighborhood.
2. We adopted a puppy, whom we love oh so much.
3. Leigh is pregnant, so we're starting a family. This is super exciting and might just make up for all my other failures... maybe...
So yeah, not quite an epic fail, but pretty close. With any amount of restraint and perseverance I'll trim back down. With any luck I'll get a job offer before my clerkship ends (to avoid a period of unemployment). And Leigh promises me that more travels and adventures are in our future...
But I still have to go to the doctor today :-(
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