Leigh's 30th Birthday Weekend

Much to my joy, and Leigh's chagrine, Leigh turned 30 on Saturday. Why am I so pleased about this? For some reason I've always thought one's 30s are their best years. You're still young and energetic, often unburdened with too many responsibilities, often breaking into your career, but finally getting past a lot of the growing pains that come with the teenage, college, and post-college years. I'm only 26, and I'm not wishing my 20s away or anything, but I'm really glad that Leigh is embarking on her 30s so that we can really start enjoying adulthood.

Leigh requested that we have a low-key birthday. I ordered her a few presents from Amazon, but a little late so they didn't come in the mail on time :-(, so I bought her a house instead! Just kidding, sort of... I mean, I have done all of the research and such in securing the mortgage but if gift giving requires the spending of one's own money then no, this is not a birthday gift. If gift giving only requires effort, then yes, it is! Aside from gifts, Leigh requested food and activities. For the food we went to the Double Musky Inn in Girdwood. I've heard great things about this little restaurant and it did not disappoint. The prices seem high until your food comes. Then the mere volume and quality of what is on your plate more than makes up for the price tag. Leigh had so much leftover steak that we made dinner out of it on Sunday night (steak fajitas!!!). Dessert was fantastic too. Next time I'll have to get the coconut salmon appetizer and the peanut butter pie.

After dinner we visited the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center in Portage. We bought a year pass and it did not disappoint either. The center has a variety of local animals, often being nursed back to health or given a permanent home at the center because they were orphaned at a young age. The bears were particularly exciting to see up close, without fear of becoming their supper.

Me with a bison.

Leigh with a black bear.

During our outting, Leigh fielded calls from friends and family wishing her a happy birthday. After hanging out with the wildlife, we headed back to Anchorage and spent the evening relaxing and talking about the house we're in the process of buying. In all a nice, low-key birthday as requested by the birthday girl herself. We are talking about extending the fun and going to Seward next weekend since we've had such beautiful weather, but then we might have house stuff to take care of at that time... we'll see...

Most of the weekend was spent daydreaming and making plans, even window shopping for paint, appliances, and closet doors. Our inspection is tomorrow evening and hopefully the house will get a clean bill of health. Then we have to get it appraised and the mortgage finalized. Hopefully everything will continue to go smoothly so we can start making this place our new home starting in mid-July!

Tough Times Turn Wonderful

It's amazing that only a week ago I was blogging about some pretty heavy issues weighing on my mind. While those issues have yet to be resolved, namely my health concerns, making positive progress is certainly in the works. Then the most amazing thing happened, we bought a house, and now everything is looking just a little brighter. I think this just goes to show that sometimes a person just needs a little bit of joy to make all other worries a bit lighter.

It also shows how miserable our current rental has made us since we moved here last August! It may seem silly, especially to people who have always been pretty comfortable in their homes, but your surroundings and your home really do have a huge impact on your quality of life. Leigh and I have always prided ourselves on being very low-maintenance in terms of housing needs. We don't require a lot of space or a lot of upgrades. In fact, when we were in France we shared a two bedroom, one bath apartment with two roommates. It was a very nice apartment, but limited on space and privacy and we made it work because we were so happy in all other aspects of our lives... I mean, we were in Europe for goodness sake! But our current apartment has certainly tested our limits. Happily, we can literally count the days until we're done living here and done with renting for the forseeable future!

Even aside from house excitement, this week has been pretty wonderful. I've had my office to myself, which has been so quiet and stress-free, my apartment has stayed pretty clean, the weather has been lovely, I rode my bike to work today for "Ride Your Bike to Work Day," and Leigh's birthday is tomorrow! Celebrating birthdays is fun in our house because one of us gets spoiled and the other gets to enjoy the spoiling. In addition. we always do something fun together and enjoy one or two indulgent meals. Leigh's 30th is no different: we're heading out of town for the day, probably stopping for breakfast at a bakery I've heard of in Girdwood, then doubling back to Girdwood after our "road trip" to have dinner at the famous Double Musky restaurant(assuming we can get a table!). It will be so much fun and we have so much to celebrate!

Impulse Buys

I'm a planner. Leigh is a budgeter. This works extremely well for us and most of our decisions are a long time coming, having given them a lot of thought and strategically placing the culmination of these decisions on our calendars. It's nice to dream about what you want to do and to achieve and then enjoy the process of making those dreams come true.

But sometimes your dreams seem a little too far off, so you don't plan for them, until they come true right before your eyes. That's when it's fun to live life on impulse and just go for it, especially if you know you can handle the aftermath of the impulse. The best examples from our lives together have to do with moving to new cities: the summer we ran away to Seattle, moving to Buffalo sight-unseen so I could go to an affordable and respected law school, buying my Yaris on a whim, taking a job in France and arranging for Leigh to spend 3 months with me, moving to Alaska to start over. These are some of the best decisions we've ever made and most of them were done in a heartbeat. These decisions changed our lives.

That's what happened this week. On Saturday I saw a cute little house listed for sale. I wasn't looking to buy, I just like to browse at real estate from time to time to get an idea of our options in the area. The house was listed for $185,000. It has 2 bedrooms, 1040 square feet, and it's recently updated. Similar homes often sell for $200-215,000 and are not so updated. We decided to take a look at it, just to look, and to see if we can get pre-approved for a mortgage, just to find out. We were prepared to just look and walk away knowing we didn't have a down payment. I called our mortgage company, we called our parents, we asked a few favors. Next thing we know our families have promised to advance us the down payment and the mortgage terms were very reasonable.

So today we bought the house! We made and offer, it was countered, and we agreed on a price and terms everyone was happy with. It happened so fast and we are completely in love with this house. Allow me to take you on a brief tour:

This is our house. It's "semi-attached" meaning we share a wall with the neighbor but it's not a condo or part of an HOA. We have a front driveway and the previous owner installed a side driveway for RVs or toys, complete with hookups for electric, etc. The house is located less than 1 mile from two different parks, one of which is on the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail and the bike route to work.
This is the entry way into the split-level area, with the living room on the right. It's bigger than our current living room and has beautiful finishings.
Leigh goes gaga every time she looks at the kitchen. It's also recently renovated, the counters are tall, and it has a window looking to the backyard.
The BEST part is the backyard. It's HUGE for such a small house and it already has garden and flower plots, a greenhouse and a storage shed. This was the biggest selling point for us. We can already imagine our Juneau Cat playing outside, us planting vegetables and flowers and grilling on the back porch. If all goes well and there are no hiccups, we will close in mid-July and move in slowly since our lease isn't complete until the end of August. Our square footage will double and we'll be so close to work and our favorite neighborhoods!

Today a dream came true for us. We found a home that is clean, comfortable, affordable and has all the extras we were hoping for. The best part is that we own this, so every payment made goes toward building equity rather than lining the pockets of an apathetic landlord. So exciting!!!

So here's to diving in head-first!

Re-evaluating Summer

Last post I mentioned some upcoming medical tests and appointments I'll be going through starting in July. So far I have nothing specific to worry about, but being so young this information is a bit consuming for me, and for Leigh. It may seem silly, but I went to the doctor knowing something was up, but I honestly did not expect to need to see a specialist or undergo any long-term treatments. Needless to say this news has thrown a wrench in my/our summer plans a bit. Initially, and I'm sure I've blogged about this enough, I was planning to use the summer to really challenge myself physically so I could complete a 200k bike ride in September. This would also mark the joyous occassion of my getting a new bicycle. I'd already picked out my new bike (see below: Jamis Bosanova) and Leigh had added the cost into our monthly budget. Projected order date was the first week of June. I was stoked. Then I got my first $800 medical bill and calculated that next fiscal year my medical bills would likely max out my insurance, costing me about $1250 out of pocket plus an extra $100 per month off my paycheck in premiums. In the big scheme of things this is not a huge amount of money and we can afford it, but being a frugal person with dreams of home ownership, debt-free living, and retirement, I felt it my duty to put off the purchase of my new bicycle in lieu of other things. First and foremost, I have to pay my medical costs and pay off my credit card this year. Secondly, Leigh and I are in desperate need of a new mattress and could really use a new car (my Yaris' abilities are maxed out by Alaskan winters). On top of this we are hoping to move apartments in September or October and, at the end of the day, our primary goal is to build up our savings to buy a house within the next year or two.

Leigh has been a champ about keeping us on a reasonable budget and making sure the bills are paid on time and money goes into savings each month, and she was calculating a way for me to get all these tests done and still get my bicycle, but I decided enough was enough. I can't place this financial burden on us and still demand my expensive new toy. Besides, after learning the results of my bloodwork I decided to forego my long distance rides this summer so I don't put too much strain on my system. Without any randonnees to ride, there's no point in investing in a rando bike this year anyway, right?

I've also had to re-evaluate my weight loss and fitness goals. I've been steadily gaining weight for about a month and a half now. At first I just thought it was post-vacation weight, but now I'm pretty sure my body is revolting against me in a way that is connected with my crazy bloodwork results and a possible metabolic disorder. Since this appears to be out of my hands until I get more answers, I can't set any real weight loss goals without the gaurantee of becoming very frustrated. Instead I've decided to be stricter about eating clean, keep track of my calories, fat, sugars, and cholesterol (for medical purposes), and get 45 mins to an hour of exercise most days. The goal is to have healthy behavoir so that my next round of tests will use a reasonable, healthy lifestyle as the baseline instead of coming off a chocolate bender or something else that could skew the results and deter the doc from finding the root cause of my issues.

Knowing how disappointed I am about putting my summer goals on the backburner, Leigh said we should rechannel our summer plans into weekend trips. She's so smart, and knows me so well! Luckily I've recently come up with a few fun ideas that we can do in a day or an overnight throughout the summer. Additionally, I'm not completely unable to do active things this summer, I just want to be more mindful of the amount of strain I put on my body.

Our first trip is this Saturday and I'm sooo excited! The best part is that we have two options and won't decide until we get up Saturday morning- if it's rainy we'll drive 3 hours to Seward to the Sealife Center. If it's sunny we'll drive 1 hour to Portage to the Wildlife Center. Either way we'll wind up in Girdwood for dinner at the Double Muskee, all in celebration of Leigh's 30th birthday!!! Yay!!! Plus it's going to feel great to get out of town for the day. In the coming months I'm hoping to do some overnights, maybe Kenai, or Homer, or Denali. We'll see...

Shit-tastic Day Becomes Tough Week

I touched on some topics last blog post about tough times in friendships, "local travel" woes (i.e. driving long distance for work stuff), money and health concerns. Well, all of these have just continued to evolve this week. This time another friend invited and then un-invited me to visit. Yet again, this happened due to the presence of a boyfriend. OK, I don't want to come across as being a man-hater or being jealous of my friends' boyfriends. That's not it at all. I just want my friends to use a little foresight when making plans with me so that I'm not always feeling ditched or replaced.

As for travel, well like I said I was making plans to go out of town for a long weekend but that was cancelled almost as soon as it started. Instead Leigh and I are planning some brief driving trips this summer to see something new every so often. First is Leigh's birthday next week. We haven't decided exactly what we're doing yet, but it will either be a trip to Girdwood and Portage to see some wildlife or a drive all the way to Seward to the Sealife Center. Either one will be a blast! We are also talking about going up to Denali sometime this summer, but we haven't hashed out the details. In the Fall we're going to Hope for the weekend, which I've heard is a really fun time with great hiking and scenery.

Money and health seem to be going hand-in-hand these days. Last Monday I made an appointment for my annual visit. Tuesday this week I went in, had all the usual stuff done, and stated my concerns regarding my inability to control my weight through diet and exercise among some other issues. The doc took blood and ran tests. The next day I learned that my cholesterol is through the roof and my triglycerides are so high I'm amazed I'm able to function. Some other numbers came back elevated too, including my insulin and thyroid, but the doc assured me that I'm not diabetic and I don't have PCOS, which I was actually assuming it was one or the other. Instead they're saying it's a metabolic disorder of some fashion and I've made an appointment to see a specialist.... in JULY! I can't believe I have to walk around for 2 months knowing I have sludge flowing through my veins.

So scary, and it's hard to concentrate on my daily life now. I don't know if I should change how I eat (which is actually very healthy), exercise less vigorously (to avoid a cardiac problem??), or anything else. Logic tells me that with my healthy diet and non-sedentary lifestyle that any dietary or behavoiral changes won't affect my numbers enough to make a difference, so I should just go about my business so the specialist gets an accurrate reading of my body's operating levels. But the scared shitless part of me wants someone to dip net in my veins to get all the triglycerides out and then go vegan immediately.

As for money woes, well these tests have already cost me $800 and I learned today that my benefits year renews on July 1, BEFORE my next doctor's visit. So I have to meet my deductible AGAIN before reaching my annual maximum. That's another $500 out of my pocket due purely to bad timing. If I need surgery I'll have to make sure my benefits will cover that at all. So Leigh says I need to up my coverage during the open enrollment period because, obviously, whatever is going on with me is going to get expensive and it's going to get there fast.

Since I've gone ahead and made it public knowledge that something is awry with my health, I promise to keep this blog updated for the 1 or 2 people who stumble upon it from time to time. I don't mean to alarm anyone, especially as it's too soon to know exactly what's going on or how serious it is. For now I'm just nervous. As a 26 year old, I've never actually been ill or felt less than fortunate to have good health. Now I know I've been walking around with some serious issues, possibly for years, and that is unsettling at best. The good news is that in those years I've swam on a collegiate team, survived the stress of law school, walked/hiked around Europe, eaten heavy French food, hiked in Oahu, and ridden my bike around Anchorage without episode. Odds are I can continue along my regular business of eating healthy food and exercising a few times per week without keeling over and, when I get some answers, I can then decide how to proceed to live a long, healthy life.

Kind of a Shit-tastic Day

Last week I attended the Bar Convention in Fairbanks. I'd been looking forward to it for a while, especially the part about missing 3 days of work without having to use paid time off. Well, things got off to a rocky start when I had an unannounced addition to the drive North, which was supposed to have been just my friend. Then it was my friend and her boyfriend. If you know me at all, you know I hate surprises and I REALLY hate it when people are late. To top it all off, Boyfriend decided he was going to drive MY car the whole way. Being the non-confrontational person that I am, I tried to see the positive side of this (I didn't have to drive and could just relax) and hopped in the backseat of MY car and just kept my mouth shut. Unfortunately, I was the only one with my mouth shut and had to endure 300+ miles of chatter from Boyfriend about inane topics. Glad he's not my boyfriend.

The rest of the week was a lot of fun. I hung out with colleagues, met new people, ate free food and drank free coffee and booze. Good times. The ride back was more tolerable, mostly because I drove most of the way and made Boyfriend sit in the backseat the whole time. This might be the last time anyone ever pulls a stunt like this on me because I'm still pissed about it 5 days later... Anyway, I'm glad I went and even more glad to be back. I missed my Leigh and my Juneau Cat.

Over the weekend I did a 22 mile ride to prepare for my upcoming 100k. It was a tough 22 miles, so now I'm starting to worry about my endurance and whether the 100k is feasible. What's more important is whether the 200k in September is feasible! So I need to fit more riding in, no matter how much my legs and my bum beg me to sit on the couch and eat Nutella.

Yesterday was kind of a down day, just trying to get back into the swing of things. Yesterday evening really sucked because (1) I had to get my haircut, which is always a little stressful and (2) I had to attend a work function with Leigh, which was anything but fun, and (3) I found the most perfect house to make a home only to realize that I won't be able to buy anything for at least 2 years. I've been generally feeling down lately for no reason and every reason, just like in the past when I've been down for a while but could never point to one thing to change and make things all better. Leigh is pretty tired of putting up with my pouty face too. I can't blame her though because I'm not the most understanding when she's feeling down.

To top it all off, my clothes haven't been fitting very well lately. Either I'm squeazing into things or hanging over my waistbands or my tummy is pooching out through my shirt. For a year I've been careful about my eating and getting tons of exercise. For 5 months I've been "eating-clean" by abstaining almost completely from refined sugar and processed foods (minus the week in Hawai'i). To think that only a few months ago I was feeling strong and fit! Then the ski season ended and I went on vacation. It seems like 2-3 weeks of less-than-vigilant eating and less-than-intense exercise (though I did get tons of exercise on vacation) will cause me to regain any weight I may have painstakingly lost over the course of the past 6 months. In fact, as of today, I've gained a full 10 pounds since coming home from France. Please keep in mind that in France I ate chocolate, Nutella, pastries, cheese, white bread and drank wine every single day. Also, the only exercise I got was walking around cities and running after trains. Yet now that I'm home, playing sports and watching my food intake carefully I am getting fatter. Weird, right?

So I went to the doctor today for an annual exam plus some testing. The doc took about 7 vials of blood and is going to run a full panel of hormones and such to see what's going on with me. The end result? $800 in medical expenses! I met my $500 deductible and then had to pay 30% after that. Upon hearing this I grumbled, "I dont' really see the point in having insurance most of the time." To which the receptionist said, "Without insurance your bill would be $1,818!" So is it that my insurance sucks or that medical care is highly overpriced? I say both.

Anyway, now I just have to see if that $800 will buy me any answers to my concerns and, hopefully, lead to some solutions to my problems. I'd love to find out that my hormones are a little off-balance and, with some tweaking, I'll finally have control over my weight and overall health. I enjoy eating healthy and exercising, but I do not enjoy struggling to fit my body, sore from exercise, into jeans that would easily fit a girl who eats icecream and drinks soda on a regular basis. It just doesn't seem fair!

To add up the score that's Life is Unfair: 10, Emily: 0. Right now I'm feeling used and unappreciated by friends, confused about some upcoming life decisions, shocked by the expense of staying healthy, and totally screwed over by genetics to the point that I hate the skin I live in. So I'm feeling pretty shit-tastic about myself and my day right now.

Springtime Frustrations

The past few weeks have been pretty frustrating for me. I feel like I am in the midst of experiencing a real set-back in many areas of my life. For some reason, right around the time I got back from vacation, a bunch of shit hit the fan one day after another and I'm simply not dealing with any of the repercussions very well. For example:

Work:

Right before I went on vacation I was pretty burnt out on life. Apparently this was reflected in my work. Last week not less than three memos and orders came back across my desk needing corrections. This does not make me happy. I take a lot of pride in producing high quality work on behalf of my judges, so having work come back with corrections is a big deal to me because I should have caught those mistakes before submitting my work. My judges didn't reprimand me, probably because they know this is not typical for my work product, but the experience left me feeling sloppy and useless.

Networking:

For a long time I thought I was good at this. I'd chat people up, ask intelligent questions, then politely ask to stay in touch. Then recently I've had opportunities to briefly meet some professionals in Anchorage and in those situations I've made a lot of mistakes or just failed to communicate well. I'm really worried about getting a reputation for cornering people and asking them stupid questions or just generally being annoying to people I might work with one day. What is wrong with me? Has a year in Alaska turned me into a hopelessly unsocial person? Yikes!

Home:

Things are pretty good at home, but we're hunting for a new apartment and unsure of what route to take. We can either get a really comfortable place, possibly our own house, and save a little every month toward buying or we can get a smaller place, maybe another apartment in a building or a condo, and save more every month toward buying a house. Both ideas are tempting and both have negatives. The real frustration is the "no pets" rule most landlords in Anchorage have. Pet owners really have a tough time finding a place to live that isn't an over-priced shit hole. We'll just have to keep looking throughout the summer and hope to find a good deal.

Fitness:

This is a huge problem for me right now. My vacation led to a lot of eating and drinking and then when I got home I made a few fatal errors such as the Nutella downfall a few weeks ago. Last time I weighed myself I gained about 2 pounds since about a month ago. Not a huge amount gained, but I've been trying to lose weight for a year and have in fact gained a total of 6 pounds since last May. Now my clothes aren't fitting very well anymore and I just feel so big! I don't know how this can happen considering the frequency with which I exercise and the thought and effort I put into choosing and preparing my meals. This, along with other symptoms, has led to me believe I might have a hormonal imbalance or a related condition.

So I've made a doctor's appointment for Tuesday, actually hoping my practitioner finds something wrong. At least that would explain my difficulty maintaining my weight, being prone to depression, and my erratic cycle, among other things. If nothing comes up, then I just don't know what to do. Some people are prone to being heavier, yes, but everyone has the ability to maintain a healthy, attractive weight. Even if I'm meant to be on the "thick" side that's OK, but I shouldn't have so much body fat and my body should actually react to my weight loss efforts instead of being resistant to the point of seeing negative results.

Languages:

Last summer I studied French and German almost daily and I made time to read every day. As of this week I'm doing well if I read French for more than 20 minutes in a single week! I also haven't been going to conversation practices and I'm finding myself forgetting my vocabulary and any ability to speak French smoothly that I may have once had. This is devastating to me! I have GOT to make more time for this and take it more seriously. This is an area of my life that really is just because it's something I love- it's something just for me and something that helps me to be more social. Instead of letting work, errands and life exhaust me to the point that I skip language study everyday or every week, I need to make it a priority because it's good for me and makes me happy.

Friendships:

Similar to studying languages and reading, friendship is something you have to make time for. It takes time and effort. I have a handful of good friends and a lot of casual friends. In this way I'm very lucky as there's usually someone to chat with or send an email to just to see how life is going. As for the closer friendships though, I'm not doing such a good job. I don't let people get close to me very often and, as a result, they don't know how to read me very well and I don't always trust them like I should trust my friends. What's more, I don't always communicate my frustrations very well. Maybe it's fear of losing one of my very few actual close friends, so I keep things to myself until I just can't anymore. So I've been keeping people at a distance lately, just focusing on Leigh and Juneau Cat, and not really trying to build relationships as much. I don't know what to do about this because trust and friendship are not something you can just put on your "To Do" list. These are things that require a lifetime of experience to learn and negative past experiences can go a long way to effect future attempts at building relationships.

So yeah, I need to do better. I need to prioritize and be patient and diligent. In some ways I need to put myself first and in other ways I need to be better about focusing on other people in my life. Being a grown-up is so complicated!

Travel Plans

Now that I'm a working stiff I feel like I never get to go anywhere. So instead I live in a fantasy world where I get to go on trips all the time, so I travel plan. Recently I've been developing an interest in long distance bike rides, not races, but rides. In the past there was a 1200k ride from Boston to Montreal and back to Boston. For some reason this ride isnt' held anymore, but it's still a permanent (meaning you can register for it and do the ride on your own and get credit). I love Boston and I've been wanting to visit Montreal for years. Leigh feels the same way about these cities and has expressed an interest in spending next year's summer vacation this way (instead of Hawai'i!). Obviously, riding 350 miles to Montreal and then turning right around isn't the best way to see a new city, so we've decided to make our own ride out of this.

Instead of hauling ass from Boston to Montreal and then getting back within 90 hours, we've decided to fly into Boston, stay a day or two, then ride to Montreal through Vermont, taking our time. We'll try to average 70-100 miles per day so we get done in a reasonable amount of time. We'll also "credit card tour" the whole thing, staying in motels and such so we're more comfortable. Upon arrival in Montreal, we'll stay a few days to check things out before catching a flight home from Burlington, VT. Sounds fun, right?

• Here's the route:

Leigh and I have also done some talking about our Southeast Asia plans. She's not sure she can/wants to go anymore, but she knows I really want to take this trip before I settle into a new job in 2012. So she's now encouraging me to travel Southeast Asia solo. Normally I would feel very guilty about this, that I am being selfish by taking a long trip while Leigh stays home and works, but when your spouse all but tells you to use your time between jobs to get a trip out of your system, it's best to listen.

The down side to this is that I'm sure Leigh would really enjoy this trip, especially if we pulled out all the stops money-wise and lived like kings the whole time. Another down side is that I'm sure I would enjoy having these experiences with her. The up side is that this way we don't have to juggle our work/out of work schedules to find sufficient time for the trip. Also, it frees up a lot of money only having to buy one $1,500 roundtrip flight instead of two. What's more, I'll have more time to see and do everything I had hoped to without the constraints of using up Leigh's paid time off. In all it sounds like a good plan, but of course it's based on some qualifiers: (1) having the money to buy the tickets ahead of time (2) getting a job offer so it's not completely irresponsible of me to run off for a month or so and (3) getting a job offer somewhere that doesn't mind me delaying my start date by 4-6 weeks.

Because I'm going to have more time to travel and will be on my own schedule, I've made some alterations to our former plans. Basically, I'm going to buy a one-way ticket from Anchorage to Bangkok and a one-way ticket from Hanoi, Vietnam to Anchorage. All of my other travels will be over land (trains, boats and buses). What's more, aside from having some vague plans to visit various sites and cities in a certain order, I'm not going to prebook anything except my accommodation for my first few nights in Bangkok (I'll be exhuasted, so it's best to have a plan for that!). Instead of high-tailing it out of Bangkok immediately, I'm going to spend a few days there before going to Chiang Mai, stopping at Ayutthaya along the way. Then, instead of paying a premium to fly to Siem Reap to see Angkor Wat, I'm going to take the train to the border and then a taxi the rest of the way. Similarly, I'll take a boat and a bus to Saigon before exploring Vietnam from South to North by train. Traveling overland will save me headaches from preplanning and a lot of money (trains and boats are so cheap!) in transportation, plus it's all about the journey, right? As you can see, I like having a plan, but I think I am really going to love choosing my departure days and times and my accommodation and activities more on a whim.

So once again this is all just speculative, but it seems more likely to happen now that we've taken Leigh's work schedule out of the equation. I'll still get to go and see and do all the things I've been researching for months, including having some suits tailored for me in Thailand and Vietnam, and Leigh will get some alone time to focus on work. She's also planning a shorter [domestic] solo trip of her own during that time, though she hasnt' chosen where she'll go.

Cycling and Fitness Update

Yesterday after work I went to a general interest meeting for the local randonneur group. The presentation was long and involved and very techy, but it was nice to see that this is a real thing and a lot of people get into it. I was also really excited to see that the local group has started a 1200k to coincide with the Paris-Brest-Paris ride, just in case a rider can't make it to Europe in a given year. Good to know. However, a lot of the information was either too elementary (I had already learned it via Google and their website) or way too advanced (what the hell is a 680c tire?). Anyway, I'm still pumped up and can't wait for the trails to clear up. In the meantime I think I'll get a tune up for my bike so it's ready to go.

Speaking of bikes, I've been thinking more and more about how I need a new one. I window shopped at REI after the meeting and found that they have quite a few nice models for just under $1,000. That's still too pricey for me right now. Also, those models fall just short of meeting my needs/wants. For $1,000 I think I should get everything I want, right? So now I'm thinking that, when I'm ready, I'll go to a local shop and see if they can put one together for me, fit it to me, and add on the tires and accessories I'll need to be comfortable on a long ride. I might wind up buying a used frame, which is totally fine with me. Based on what I've heard, this won't cost much more than buying a stock model brand new. I'm also hoping this process will allow me to learn more about the equipment and mechanics so I won't be totally helpless in the event of a breakdown.

As for fitness, well it's more about a lack thereof. I was very lazy in the weeks leading up to the Hawai'i trip because I was so burned out on life. In Hawai'i I was very active and it was a blast. When I came back I thought for sure the ice and snow would be mostly gone and I could start enjoying the bike trails again. I was wrong. The shaded areas of the bike trails (that would be the vast majority of the trails) still have 3 inches or so of snow covered with a layer of slippery ice. Not fun. I'm not even remotely equipped for this kind of riding. So I've just been sitting on my ass a lot lately and wishing it was May already. This is also making me a little depressed because 1) I'm realizing how short our spring/summer riding season is and 2) when I don't get exercise I don't sleep well and I get the blues.

In other news, Leigh and I hit rock bottom with our Nutella addictions. Before we lived in France we had never had it and I swore I didn't like it. Then I tasted my roommate's Nutella and it was all downhill from there. First I ate it on toast, then eventually just started eating it by the spoonful. We hit rock bottom last week when we went to Costco and bought a large double pack of the jars (not giant, like most Costco items, but still a lot of Nutella) and finished them both off within a week! I can't even imagine how many calories that was. It was gluttonous and fun, but we ultimately had to admit that we have a problem and cannot buy Nutella for a long, long time.

So here I am, caught between seasons: no skiing, no cycling (at least not this year, I'm not that hardcore yet!), no gym membership, softball hasn't started yet, and there's too much snow for casual hiking (a hiker was killed by an avalanche just outside of town earlier this week). The best I can do is focus on "eating clean" and hope for warm weather to clear up the snow. Maybe some online bicycle shopping will help....hmmm....

Personal Goals

I am constantly adding stuff to my "bucket list" or my "before I'm 30 list." I'm also constantly hearing about fun new ways to challenge myself or make life more interesting. The flavor of the week is randonneur cycling. Basically it's long distance bike riding where you carry your food and gear. The rides aren't races, it's more about finishing under your own speed in an alotted time, which is much more my style than wanting to beat the other athletes in an event. I just dont' care about winning, I care about finishing and achieving. How I've never heard of this before this week is astounding, but there it is.

Luckily there's a fantastic randonneur group here in Anchorage that organizes recognized rides and provides info and support for new folks interested in riding. I'm going to an interest meeting tonight at REI. With this in mind I've decided to set the following goals for myself this summer:

• Ride 10 miles in under and hour (the Coastal Trail will serve as a great test)


• Ride 25 miles in under 2 hours (Coasta Trail + big loop toward my apartment)


• Complete De Ronde van Anchorage 100k in June


• Complete the Kenai Backroads 200k in September


• If I'm feeling very adventurous by late June there's a 200k then and another 100k in July, but that remains to be seen!


• Prepare to complete a 200/300/400/600 series next year and then choose between the Fireweed 400 miler or the Bild Wild Ride 1200k. Those are big rides, so I'll need to judge my perparedness at a later date.


• Ultimate Goals: Complete the MS Ride Across the US within 3 years and the Paris-Brest-Paris in 2015 (the next year the ride is held).

The good news is that there's ample opportunity for me to learn and improve this summer. The bad news is that my bike is terrible for this type of riding! I have the wrong handlebars, the wrong frame length, no shock absorbtion to speak of and my bike is quite heavy. With the right maintenance I'll be able to get through this summer on such a machine, but anything beyond 200k will prove challenging if not impossible. The next bit of bad news is that a proper rando bike will run me anywhere from $900-2,000! They're not cheap! However, I've been thinking of upgrading to a better bike than the $80 Schwinn I bought off Craigslist. This gives me some real motivation. If I still want to go forward with this sport at the end of the summer I can save for my new bike over the winter. Also, considering the endurance required to complete these rides and how early in the season they start, I think I might need to learn to ride in snow and ice to stay in shape over the winter. Based on my difficulty with that on the icy/snowy Coastal Trail yesterday, that could prove a bit difficult.. yikes!

Baby Talk

Leigh and I have been talking about having a baby for years, but only recently have we really decided to do it. We're in no position to make this happen immediately, of course, as I need a permanent job and Leigh needs to get settled into her own job. We also don't have a suitable living space right now and want to pay off some small debts. So the plan is to get a better place to live (rental or buy if we can get a mortgage), pay off our credit cards, and try for a pregnancy. By our calculations we'll be all set by mid-2012.

Anyway, this is all very exciting and sometimes we can hardly contain ourselves when we see brand new babies and little kids in public. Their parents are so lucky. When our friends get pregnant or deliver we both initially feel a pang of jealousy, but then quickly become so happy for them we can hardly stand it. I've also been watching "16 & Pregnant" on MTV, which tends to make me so angry: Leigh and I could never have an "oops!" baby, but if we did it would be the happiest occasion. Meanwhile these kids didn't even have to try and they have a baby, which if we're all being honest they would prefer to not have. It seems so unfair.

Then last night when we were talking about moving and having a baby and how fun/challenging it will be Leigh said, "What are we going to do with a baby? I mean, do you ever think we're just kidding ourselves? That maybe this is just another one of those things we don't get?"

Yeah, I do feel that way a lot. I don't know why because the truth is we're going to be good at it. We're stable, we're crazy about each other, we're educated and have varied interests, and we really want the baby as opposed to people who get stuck with "surprise!" children and have to make it work. A child could be a lot less lucky than to have us as parents. But there's that feeling I can't quite shake that we're not good enough for this. It's for other people to do and we'll just fuck it up. Odds are that everyone has that fear, but for us I think it stems less from fear of failure and more that we've always lived in a world where we are made to feel like sub-human, second class citizens with fewer rights and privileges. Everything has always been just a little bit harder for us and we've had to make adjustments accordingly. Having a baby is going to be very hard, and expensive, for us, almost to the point that it seems like we're trying to force something that just shouldn't happen.

This is the saddest, scariest feeling I've ever had about myself and my future. All I've ever wanted was a solid, happy family and the chance to give someone else the supportive, loving home I never had. But now we've voiced the fear that maybe this simply is not meant to be. Because we are who we are, we'll push forward with our plans because, odds are this is just another thing that is going to be a little bit more difficult for us but will be just fine in the end.

How Far We've Come

Last week Leigh found a picture of her and I from about 3 years ago. In the picture we are standing in front of her old Honda Accord, wearing jeans and hoodies about to leave my Dad's house in Ferrum for our place in Buffalo. It was an "end of a visit" picture. Looking at that picture now is pretty tragic: We both have long, stringy hair, ill-fitting clothes and we're both quite overweight. At that time I had shoulder-length hair. This is NOT a good look for me. It makes my face look round and doudy. Luckily today we're both in better shape, dress more carefully and have more flattering hairstyles, but I can't help but wonder if 5 years from now we'll look back on pictures from today and think "oh God, how did we go out in public like that?!?"

Anyway, it just got me thinking about how much we've changed since then, around the time I started law school. We were such kids! It was our first time living far from our parents, doing the "married life" thing, Leigh was working full time and I was trying to build a career from scratch (I guess I'm still trying to do that!). Since then we've moved a few times, traveled Europe, broken up and reunited. Today we're totally different people: more secure, more willing to demand what we want from life and from each other, more adventurous and we hold ourselves to higher standards as individuals. I feel comfortable speaking for both of us on these topics, but especially for myself.

It's also helped me to reflect on a stressful work situation I'm currently dealing with. Nothing is actually going badly at work, but certain personality clashes are making my work atmosphere pretty tense, increasing my stress levels and causing me to count the days until Sept 1 when I move up to Superior Court. Three years ago I would have lost my cool with the offending person and told them what I think of their bad behavoir, leading to an argument and possibly irreparable damage to the working relationship. Today I take the "turn the other cheek approach." If I engage a hostile person in a tense conversation it will certainly lead to an argument, which is both unnecessary and unprofessional. I'd be just as unprofessional as my counterpart and in the end we'd both look like petty children. Instead I've simply discussed my frustrations with a trusted advisor so that someone else is aware of a brewing issue and have decided to let things pass as they will without my intervention. My counterpart can continue to dig his or her grave as they see fit and I will do my best to let any jabs roll off my back while preserving my own reputation. In other words, I've learned to forego momentary comforts in exchange for maintaining a reputation of professionalism in the long term. Odds are this will not be the last difficult person I will have to work with, so it's best I learn to deal with these things now and build a good reputation amongst colleagues as someone who can work through stressful situations.

So now it's Monday and I have 40 hours this week to enjoy the company of someone who pretty much hates me. I can handle it. Really, I can. I'll just sit back and do my work and see what comes to pass. In the meantime I can take comfort in some things I've recently discovered:

• the 100k bike ride later this summer I'm going to start training for today


• the affordable 2 bedroom apartment I found that might come available this fall. It's even near one of my favorite parks, walking/cycling distance to downtown!


• Bar Convention in Fairbanks in 2 1/2 weeks. Should be a fun time


• Leigh's birthday trip to the Sea Life Center in Seward


• New social gatherings taking place around town now that it's lovely and sunny outside

I'm also really happy because Leigh is really enjoying her job. I picked her up from work last Friday, after a post-tax season social, and she said "I REALLY like it here!" She meant Anchorage in general, not just her company. Shock me! When we first moved here we weren't sure how long we'd last, but we're both really settling in nicely. Assuming I find a good job after clerkship #2, there's no reason we can't plan to stay as long as this place continues to make us both so happy. I guess sometimes big gambles really do pay off!

Professional Frustrations

I'm pretty friendly, especially at work where it's part of being professional. I pride myself on being easy to work with and able to find at least one or two things I like about a person so we can get along. This becomes more difficult when the other person has no interest in being professional, mature, or even nice. That's what's happening now. I shouldn't let this bother me because my life is pretty great: I have a great spouse, a sweet cat, exciting life/career goals and am just generally very happy. Not everyone can say this and I know when I go home at the end of the day I'm more content than the person causing my troubles at work. But it DOES bother me that my colleague can't even be nice to me, makes cutting remarks, is unnecessarily judgmental of others, and even refuses to answer simple questions as though I'm competition or have ill wishes for her. I'm not and I don't! I just want to get along with people and, if we click, maybe even develop a friendship. Instead I get to share space with a grumpy, downright unpleasant person for 40 hours per week. Days like today make me wish it was August and I was moving onto clerkship #2 on the 4th Floor with my OWN office..... Anyway, that's enough whining for now. I should just buckle down and be a grownup about this. Venting Ceased...

Feeling Fab

It's amazing what a little break can do for a person. Leigh and I were only gone one week, but it went by nice and slowly as we'd hoped. Now we're back and work and doing 90% better than before we left! Leigh has lost her voice and is still catching up on her sleep from our night flight home, but nothing that is really going to hold her back. In fact, Leigh returned to work yesterday and got an award! That's right, she was hired permanently only a few weeks ago, promptly went on vacation and then was given an award on her first day back. This can only mean one of two things: (1) her company is a magical place or (2) she has successfully hypnotized her superiors and can look forward to many more, frequent recognitions of her efforts including frequent raises, free cars, and a puppy. I certainly hope it's the latter because I'd really love a puppy! I'm feeling amazing as well. I took yesterday off to get our apartment/lives back in order including washing some really smelly camping clothes and am now back at work without the crazy workload I was expecting. I'm even dressed to the nines in a new top I bought in Honolulu and my cute black pants. Also, this morning I came into work, picked up a few files, and got down to it without much ado. Before my vacation I was Madame Procrastinator and had zero love for my work. Just another testament to taking time for yourself and living your life to the fullest: it leaves you more willing and able to do your work well. Now I'm happy to do my work and am making extracurricular plans for this week, something I didn't have the motivating to do for nearly a month! On Friday alone I have on my calendar a morning CLE, a French conversation group after work and a party that night. Crazy day, but I think I might just be in the mood for it! Later this month I'm looking forward to a fundraiser for a new farmer's market in town and in just over 3 weeks I'm going to Fairbanks for the Bar Convention! What a great way to kick start Spring/Summer!

Return From Hawai'i

Leigh and I landed back in Anchorage at 5am this morning and man were we tired! Between 7am on April 10 and 9am on April 11, I only slept about 45 minutes total. Needless to say, I took today off to sleep, do laundry, etc. Feeling much more human now.

The Hawai'i vacation was my first normal vacation in several years. I think the last vacation I went on was in 2007 or so. Then I did tons of traveling around Europe and the US for work/adventure/etc, but it's not the same thing. Hawai'i was a true vacation for us. We didn't plan much in terms of activities, we ate a lot, relaxed a lot, and rotated between sleeping, eating, lounging and checking things out. We also spent a lot of money because we knew this would be our last vacation for quite a while. I came home with a tan (sunburn, actually), gifts for a few folks, some good shopping, and probably 2 or 3 pounds of new weight that I get to burn off now. It was so relaxing and lovely.

For the first 5 nights we tent camped at a great little campground on the North Shore called Friends of Malaekahana. It's run by a non-profit and is so unbelievably low-key. Our site was about a minute's walk from a small, remote beach and we had access to rustic toilets and showers. We also rented a car for the week, so when we needed a break from the sun we'd go driving around the North Shore exploring the little hippie towns, mom and pop shops, and checking out the beaches. For the last three nights of our stay in Hawai'i we went to Waikiki and stayed in a semi-private room at Polynesian Beach Club Hostel, which was basic and fine for a few nights. The hostel was easy going and offered a lot of freebies like beach chairs and extremely cheap surfbard rentals. Unfortunately my second surfing attempt was thwarted by smallish waves and cutting my big toe on some volcanic rock. Ouch! Also, after most of week in the quiet, beautiful North Shore area, Honolulu was just a shock to the senses.

We made the most of the crowded, dirty beaches and hoards of people by shopping at an amazing mall, eating a lot at the great restaurants and hitting up happy hours on a regular basis. My favorite discovery was Wang Chung's karaoke bar where we sucked down Lychee vodka and sodas and made friends with a few locals. We were even serenaded by an insurance auditor from San Diego and watched a very drunk girl try to make out with a married [and straight] woman who was having a drink with her husband. Drunk girl then moved on to the gay bartender, who kept shooting "help me!" looks in my direction. Sorry, Buddy, I'm not getting involved in that! Luckily this was all in good fun and allowed us to do some excellent people watching. While on the southern end of the island we also went snorkeling at Hanauma Bay Nature Preserve, which was probably one of the most fun new experiences either of us have had in years!

Leigh and I have decided that, while living in Alaska, we'll make Hawai'i our "go to" vacation destination when we don't have plans for a bigger trip. We'll DEFINITELY camp at Friends of Malaekahana again, but next time we want to rent a grass shack on the beach for increased comfort and to avoid having to check our tent in our luggage. We've also pretty much decided that we can skip Honolulu. It's just so crowded and we found such tranquility on the North Shore of Oahu, why go anywhere else?

Anyway, it's great to be home and we're glad to be back with our Juneau Cat, but now the real work begins. Aside from a few day/weekend trips we're planning this summer around the state, this was our last vacation until next Christmas. In the meantime we have a lot to accomplish, including:

• Pay off my credit card (not a small task)


• Fund our Christmas trip (by paying off my credit card)


• Build up our savings (we want to have a house down payment by the end of 2012)


• Get back on track with the Eat-Clean Diet. By next Christmas I'd like to lose about 10 lbs, Leigh would like to lose as much as 20 lbs.


• Join the Master's Swim Class here in Anchorage


• Sign up for Adult German Classes for the Fall


• Participate in weekly French conversation practice


• Find a better place to live for next year (either cheaper or roughly the same rent but bigger)

Phew! Steps toward accomplishing these goals begin tomorrow. For tonight I think I'll hit the hay early.