Day off...sort of.

The last two Saturdays I've had class, due to a clerical error at BarBri. This is fine, I guess because we got both of our Saturday classes out of the way, but I was 100% burnt out by noon yesterday. My calendar had me doing A LOT of essays and MPT practices yesterday and today, but my heart just was not in it. I kept taking naps and stuff and essentially did nothing. Then this evening I made myself sit down and organize all the crap I had to do. It's A LOT OF CRAP TO DO but it made me feel better to have it all stacked up in front of me and tabbed in the books. So I spent most of today watching CSI Season 9 (until Grissom's last episode, then what's the point after that?) and did a single assignment- the practice MPT.

So tomorrow I have no less than 3 hours worth of timed essays to complete in addition to quite a bit of reading to prepare for my Monday night class. I hate falling behind like this, but after 14 days of consecutively working really hard I just could not get my brain in gear. I think I'll do a little reading tonight to unburden myself somewhat for tomorrow, but it's still a lot of catching up. Plus I keep feeling like I should be re-studying the first few subjects we went over because I'm scared that information has fallen out of my head or been replaced with all this new information.

I really hate what I'm doing right now. I've started to think of it as eating a massive bowl of cooked spinach- I'm told that it is good for me and I'm sure I will be better off for it, but about halfway through I start to get really nauseous and think about quitting.

Every time I talk to Leigh I wonder if I could have studied effectively from home. I would have saved rent money, been in more comfortable living situations, had someone to help me with the little things like running errands and cooking, and I would have been able to spend my down time with Leigh and Juneau. Then I remind myself that I came all the way out here so I can be completely focused and that only thing I can do now is do my very best to make sure this time is not spent in vain.

So today was my day off (sort of, since I still did a few schoolish things) and tomorrow it's back in the saddle. I don't think there's any question that I'm working really hard at this task (6-8 hours per day in the library plus 3+ hours of lectures every evening) so I only hope that when I sit down to take the bar exam I feel that the questions are within my grasp. I just hope that I'm spending my study time wisely, retaining as much as possible. Mostly I hope that in the end I will pass the first time around and be able to move on with my life, calling this time period a useful, albeit painful and unpleasant, few months.